nonverbals are
anything that communicates but is not a
word the public knows them as body
language how we dress
how we walk
have meaning and we use that to
interpret what's in the mind of the
person
[Music]
my name is joe navarro and for 25 years
i was a special agent with the fbi my
job was to catch spies
most of my career i spent within the
national security division a lot of it
had to do with looking at specific
targets and then it was about well how
do we get in their heads and how do we
neutralize them
our security is based on nonverbals we
look at the person through the peephole
we look at who's behind us at the atm
machine we know from the research that
most of us select our mates based on
non-verbal so we may think we're very
sophisticated
but in fact we are never
in a state where we're not transmitting
information
there's a lot of myths out there
the ones that stand out is if you cross
your arms
that it's a blocking behavior that's
just nonsense even when you don't like
the person that is in front of you this
isn't to block them out it's actually to
self-suit because in essence it's a
self-hug when you're sitting at a movie
and you're watching you're gonna cross
your arms you're waiting for somebody
you tend to do this what's interesting
is we do this behavior more in public
than in private the other one that
really stands out is as we think about
something we may look in a certain way
as we process the information we may
look in another way it's certainly not
indicative of of deception and it really
shouldn't be used that way all we can
say is the person is processing the
information the other misconceptions are
that if the person clears their throat
touches their nose or covers their mouth
they're lying we do these behaviors as
self-soothers their their pacifying
behaviors scientifically
and empirically there's just no
pinocchio effect and people who prattle
that and say well we can detect
deception because the person touches
their nose or covers their mouth that's
just sheer nonsense we humans are lousy
at detecting deception
espionage work is often nowhere near
what we see in movies and in one of the
cases we had information from another
country saying you have an american we
think is actually a mole who somehow
entered the united states is able to
pass as an american but he's here
working for a hostile intelligence
service and just
fortuitously he was videographed coming
out of a flower shop we're looking at
the video and everybody in the in our
small unit we were saying well there's
not much there you know he's coming out
of the shop getting in his car and i
said stop the film right there
just as he came out of the shop he took
the flowers and most americans tend to
hold the flowers by the stock so the
flowers are up this individual took them
and grabbed the stock and then held the
flowers so that they were facing down
and i said that's how they carry flowers
in eastern europe rather than confront
him about are you a spy
i decided to do what's called a
presumptive so as i sat there with him i
said would you like to know how we know
and he had this look on his face and and
i said it was the flowers
and then he confessed
when i came into law enforcement i
thought it was all about the confession
it's really about face time
in my 25 years in the fbi
it was a rarity
that a person didn't eventually
reveal
what i needed to know
because we would sit down and have these
very lengthy
conversations
i look at behaviors to do an assessment
what is this person transmitting in
relations to any stimuli my further
questioning comes from my observing
these behaviors
the first thing i look at is i look at
the hair
does it look healthy does it look well
groomed the forehead is very interesting
because a lot of times we reveal stress
a lot of the things that we have gone
through life are often etched in the
forehead i look at the eyes to see if
they're red or not enough sleep the
small area here between the eyes called
the glabella it's one of the first areas
that reveals information to us most
often when we don't like something we do
that bunny nose of i don't like we don't
really know what our lips look like and
we tend to compress them when something
bothers us when something really bothers
us we tend to suck them in
the mandibular and look at the cheeks we
may do something like this we'll
we'll rub our tongue against
the inside of the cheek but when we try
to hide it then it tells me that this
person is trying to do some perception
management and if they are i want to
know why
at the neck i want to see if there's any
head tilt because head tilt the person
is more relaxed the minute the head tilt
goes away there's usually some issue i'm
looking at the shoulders
you ask somebody a question they don't
know both shoulders shoot up very
quickly and then i look at the hands
when something's troubling us we tend to
stiffen our fingers interlace them and
almost like a teepee
we move our hands back and forth very
slowly this is to be differentiated from
when we do the steeple which we do in
this position when something's at issue
we tend to put our hands on our hips and
we become very territorial this is
called arms of kimbo but look how it
changes when we put our thumbs forward
and then it becomes one of more of i'm
inquisitive but i also look for any
behaviors of ventilating because men
tend to ventilate at the neck and we do
at the very instant something bothers us
and then i look at the legs to see if
there's any brushing of the legs with
the hands
which is again to pacify and then the
feet
do i see any behavior such as wiggling
of the feet kicking of the feet if i ask
a question and all of a sudden the feet
withdraw and are crossed perhaps the
person feels a little threatened by that
question so when we study nonverbals
it's not about making judgments it's
about assessing what is this person
transmitting in that moment
it really is looking at an individual
and saying what are they transmitting
we're all transmitting at all times
we choose the clothes that we wear how
we groom ourselves how we dress but also
how do we carry ourselves are we coming
to the office on this particular day
with a lot of energy or are we coming in
with a different sort of pace and what
we look for are differences in behavior
down to the the minutia of
what is this individual's posture as
they're walking down the street are they
on the inside of the sidewalk on the
outside can we see his blink rate can we
see how often he's looking at his watch
i know your blink rate is around eight
eight times a minute but you don't know
that you're not sitting there
counting all these things factor in
because they're transmitting information
now it's up to us to then
use that information to say okay we need
to marshal resources to be on that
individual right now
so in most western cultures the first
time people touch
is when they shake hands
touching becomes
that important because we can always
remember a time when we shook hands with
someone and we didn't like that
it's also the first time when our bodies
release these bonding chemicals that say
i like this person or i don't like this
person so handshaking is both necessary
and essential in most cultures
pigeons are supposed to be like dirty
birds
ladies hi i'm joe navarro i'm laura
laura how are you and you are
cathedra how are you okay let me ask you
this
let's back up a little bit
is this comfortable for you yes yeah
it's a little bit more comfortable
but it's not for you is it
all right thank you all right so keep
talking
what we've done here is we've talked
about the importance of space and
comfort
they don't realize is how much further
apart they are now standing and it's
because we have brought this subject up
to make them comfortable about
saying hey it's okay to be comfortable
at your perfect distance
and so now we see when they rock they
rock away from each other and they
create
this space if you notice their feet
tend to move around more
there's
a dynamic going on here
where they're kind of trying to find
what what is the perfect space what is
the perfect distance and we know that
they're unsettled because of the high
degree of movement that's
that's going on
poker is an interesting game the
similitudes of sitting across from a spy
or sitting across from players it's
their reactions to a stimulus we have
behaviors indicative of psychological
discomfort that we use at home at work
or at the poker table
so we're going to take a look at poker
players and some of the body language
that you'll find at a typical poker game
so we'll pause it right there
so one of the things that you first
notice is that when a table is called
this is the first time many of them see
each other this is a great opportunity
to be looking for behaviors indicative
of discomfort we're going to see the
individual shifting in his chair we're
going to see one individual reaching
over and grabbing his shoulder the woman
in this case her shoulders are rather
high this is a great opportunity even
before the game starts to collect
poker intelligence all right guys button
is good clinton is good so we'll stop
right there
look where their hands are at
here we're looking at player number two
and number three and we notice right
away that their hands are on top of the
cards some players will cage their cards
some players will put their hands
directly on top and press them down and
they may do that because the cards have
now increased in value player number one
tends to keep his hands very close to
his body player number four she's
actually withdrawn her hands from the
table because when we like things we
tend to move our hands forward when we
don't like things we tend to move the
hands away
so as we look at player number three i'm
often asked about players who shuffle
their chips
what you're really doing is
self-soothing and this just helps you to
make it through the game and that's
really all we're looking for
oh come on
okay so we'll stop right there
player number five is sitting there arms
crossed you don't see a lot of activity
that doesn't mean he's not transmitting
a lot of information on down the line i
want to see where those thumbs of his
are
because he holds them very close when
nothing's going on but does that change
as the game evolves
if you're looking at nonverbals it's
often useful to look at them at double
the speed because all the nonverbals
that are critical jump out at you as
though it were a caricature
all right so stop right there
the woman in position number four you
see her head moving around quite a bit
player number three you see a lot of
activity with his hands when we look at
player number five now his hands are
fully out this is as far as we've seen
them before
at this point we know that he's engaged
and that he's interested
now the game is out in the open
75 to 80 of the information we need is
sitting out there what you often see is
everybody's looking at their own cards
or looking at the community cards rather
than looking around you should be
looking around to see what was the
reaction because you're going to see
that reaction again
you know in poker we used to say that
you can have a poker face but i
encountered you can't have a poker body
somewhere it's going to be revealed
when i was in college in the early 70s
there were really
no courses on
nonverbal communications you quickly
realized that to a great extent it's
really about what you can interpret from
behavior and so we talk about
non-verbals because it matters because
it has gravitas because it affects how
we communicate with each other when it
comes to nonverbals this is no small
matter
we
primarily communicate
nonverbally and we always will