[Music]
welcome i'm very excited today to talk
about
effective speaking in spontaneous
situations i thank you all for joining
us even though the title of my talk is
grammatically incorrect i thought that
might scare a few of you away but i
learned teaching here at the business
school catching people's attention is
hard so something as simple as that i
thought might draw a few of you here so
this is going to be a highly interactive
and participative
workshop today if you don't feel
comfortable participating that's
completely fine but do know i'm going to
ask you to talk to people next to you
there'll be opportunities to stand up
and practice some things because i
believe the way we become effective
communicators is by actually
communicating so let's get started right
away i'd like to ask you all to read
this sentence and as you read this
sentence what's most important to me is
that you count the number of f's that
you find in this sentence please count
the number of f's keep it quiet to
yourself
i'll give you just another couple
seconds here
three
two
one
raise your hand please if you found
three and only three f's
excellent great did anybody find four
okay anybody find only five f's can
anybody find six
there's six f's
what two-letter word ending in f did
many of us miss
of
we'll make sure to get this to you so
you can torment your friends and family
at a later date
when i first was exposed to this over 12
years ago i only found three and i felt
really stupid so i like to start every
workshop every class i teach with this
to pass that feeling no no that's
that's not why i do this
i do this because this is a perfect
analogy for what we're going to be
talking about today the vast majority of
us in this room very smart people in
this room were not as effective as we
could have been in this activity we
didn't get it right
and the same is true when it comes to
speaking in public particularly when
spontaneous speaking
it's little things that make a big
difference in being effective so today
we're going to talk about little things
in terms of your approach your attitude
your practice that can change how you
feel when you speak in public
and we're going to be talking primarily
about one type of public speaking
not the type that you plan for in
advance the type that you actually spend
time thinking about you might even
create slides for
these are the keynotes the conference
presentation the formal toasts
that's not what we're talking about
today we're talking about spontaneous
speaking
when you're in a situation that you're
asked to speak off the cuff and in the
moment
what we're going through today is
actually the result of a workshop i
created here for the business school
several years ago a survey was taken
among the students and they said what's
one of the what are things we could do
to help make you more successful here
and at the top of that list was this
notion of responding to cold calls does
everybody know what a cold call is it's
where the mean professor like me looks
at some students says what do you think
and there was a lot of panic and a lot
of silence
so as a result of that this workshop was
created and a vast majority of
first-year students here at the gsb go
through this workshop so i'm going to
walk you through
sort of a hybrid version of what they do
the reality is that spontaneous speaking
is actually more prevalent than planned
speaking perhaps it's giving
introductions you're at a dinner and
somebody says you know so and so would
you mind introducing them
maybe it's giving feedback in the moment
your boss turns to you and says would
you tell me what you think
it could be a surprise toast
or finally it could be during the q a
session and by the way we will leave
plenty of time at the end of our day
today for q a i'd love to hear the
questions you have about this topic or
other topics related to communicating
so our agenda is simple in order to be
an effective communicator regardless of
if it's planned or spontaneous you need
to have your anxiety under control
so we'll start there
second what we're going to talk about is
some ground rules for the interactivity
we'll have today and then finally we're
going to get into the heart of what
we'll be covering again as i said lots
of activity and i invite you to
participate
so let's get started with anxiety
management
85 percent of people tell us that
they're nervous when speaking in public
and i think the other 15 are lying
okay we could create a situation where
we could make them nervous too in fact
just this past week
a study from chapman university asked
americans what are the things you fear
most and among being caught in a
surprise terrorist attack having
identity your identity stolen
was public speaking among the top five
was speaking in front of others
this is a ubiquitous fear and one that i
believe we can learn to manage
and i use that word manage very
carefully
because i don't think we ever want to
overcome it anxiety actually helps us it
gives us energy helps us focus tells us
what we're doing is important but we
want to learn to manage it
so i'd like to introduce you to a few
techniques that can work and all of
these techniques are based on academic
research
but before we get there
i'd love to ask you
what does it feel like when you're
sitting in the audience watching a
nervous speaker present how do you feel
just shout out a few things how do you
feel
uncomfortable
i heard many of you going yes
uncomfortable it feels very awkward
doesn't it so what do we do now a couple
of you probably like watching somebody
suffer okay but most of us don't so what
do we do
we sit there and we nod and we smile or
we disengage
and to the nervous speaker looking out
at his or her audience seeing a bunch of
people nodding or disengaged that does
not help okay
so we need to learn to manage our
anxiety because fundamentally your job
as a communicator rather regardless of
if it's planned or spontaneous
is to make your audience comfortable
because if they're comfortable they can
receive your message
and when i say comfortable i am not
referring to the fact that that your
message has to be sugar-coated and nice
in for them to hear it can be a harsh
message but they have to be in a place
where they can receive it so it's
incumbent on you as a communicator to
help your audience feel comfortable and
we do that by managing our anxiety so
let me introduce you to a few techniques
that i think you can use right away to
help you feel more comfortable
the first has to do with when you begin
to feel those anxiety symptoms for most
people this happens in the initial
minutes prior to speaking
in this situation what happens is many
of us begin to feel whatever it is that
happens to you maybe your stomach gets a
little gurgly maybe your legs begin to
shake maybe you begin to perspire and
then we start to say to ourselves oh my
goodness i'm nervous uh oh they're gonna
tell i'm nervous this is not going to go
well and we start spiraling out of
control
so research on mindful attention tells
us that if when we begin to feel those
anxiety symptoms we simply
greet our anxiety and say hey this is me
feeling nervous i'm about to do
something of consequence
and simply by greeting your anxiety and
acknowledging it that it's normal and
natural heck 85 percent of people tell
us they have it
you actually can stem the tide of that
anxiety spiraling out of control it's
not necessarily going to reduce the
anxiety but it will stop it from
spinning up so the next time you begin
to feel those
anxiety signs
take a deep breath and say this is me
feeling anxious
i notice a few of you taking some notes
there's a handout that will come at the
end that has everything that i'm
supposed to say
okay
can't guarantee i'm going to say it but
you'll have it there
in addition to this approach a technique
that works very well and this is a
technique that i helped do some research
on way back when i was in graduate
school has to do with reframing how you
see the speaking situation
most of us when we are up presenting
planned or spontaneous we feel that we
have to do it right
and we feel like we are performing how
many of you have ever acted done singing
or dancing i'm not going to ask for
performances no okay many of you have we
should note that we could do next year
maybe a talent show of alums it looks
like we got the talent there that's
great
so when you perform you know that
there's a right way and a wrong way to
do it
if you don't hit your the right note or
your right line at the right time at the
right place
you've made a mistake it messes up the
audience
it messes up the people on stage
but when you present
there is no right way there's certainly
better and worse ways but there is no
one right way so we need to look at
presenting as something other than
performance and what i'd like to suggest
is what we need to see this as is a
conversation
right now i'm having a conversation with
a hundred plus people
rather than saying i'm performing for
you
but it's not enough just to say
this is a conversation i want to give
you some concrete things you can do
first
start with questions questions by their
very nature are dialogic they're two-way
what was one of the very first things i
did here for you i had you count the
number of f's and raise your hands i
asked you a question
that gets your audience involved it
makes it feel to me as the presenter as
if we are in conversation so use
questions they can be rhetorical they
can be polling perhaps i actually want
to hear information from you
in fact i use questions when i create an
outline for my presentations
rather than writing bullet points i list
questions that i'm going to answer and
that puts me in that conversational mode
if you were to look at my notes for
today's talk you'll see it's just a
series of questions right now i'm
answering the question how do we manage
our anxiety
beyond questions another very useful
technique for making us conversational
is to use conversational language
many nervous speakers distance
themselves physically if you've ever
seen a nervous speaker present he or she
will say something like this welcome i
am really excited to be here with you
they pull as far away from you as
possible because you threaten us
speakers you make us nervous so we want
to get away from you we do the same
thing linguistically we use language
that distances ourselves it's not
unusual to hear a nervous speaker say
something like one must consider the
ramifications or today we're going to
cover step one step two step three
that's very distancing language
to be more conversational use
conversational language instead of one
must consider say this is important to
you we all need to be concerned with do
you hear that inclusive conversational
language has to do with the pronouns
instead of step one step two step three
first what we need to do is this the
second thing you should consider is here
use conversational language so being
conversational can also help you manage
your anxiety
the third technique i'd like to share is
research that i actually started when i
was an undergraduate here i was very
fortunate to study with phil zimbardo of
the stanford prison experiment fame
many people don't know that zim actually
was instrumental in starting one of the
very first shyness institutes in the
world and especially in the country and
i did some research with him that looked
at how your orientation to time
influences
how you react
and what we learned is if you can bring
yourself into the present moment rather
than being worried about the future
consequences
you can actually be less nervous
most of us when we present are worried
about the future consequences my
students are worried they're not going
to get the right grade some of you are
worried you might not get the funding
you might not get the support you might
not get the laughs that you want
all of those are future states so if we
can bring ourselves into the present
moment
we're not going to be as concerned about
those future states and therefore will
be less nervous
there are lots of ways to become present
oriented
i know a professional speaker he's paid
ten thousand dollars an hour to speak
it's a good gig
he gets very nervous he's up in front of
crowds of thousands behind the stage
what he does is a hundred push-ups right
before he comes out
you can't be that physically active and
not be in the present moment now i'm not
recommending all of us go to that level
of exertion because he starts out of
breath and sweaty right
but a walk around the building before
you speak
that can do it there are other ways if
you've ever watched athletes perform and
get ready to do their event they listen
to music
they focus on a song or a playlist that
helps get them in the moment
you can do things as simple as counting
backwards from 100 by tough numbers like
17
i'm gonna pause because i know people in
the room are trying yeah
gets hard after that third or fourth one
i know
my favorite way to get present oriented
is to say tongue twisters
saying a tongue twister forces you to be
in the moment otherwise you'll say it
wrong and it has the added benefit of
warming up your voice most nervous
speakers
don't warm up their voice they retreat
inside themselves and start saying all
these bad things to themselves so saying
a tongue twister can help you be both
present oriented and warm up your voice
remember i said today we're gonna have a
lot of participation
i'm gonna ask you to repeat after me my
favorite tongue twister
and i like this tongue twister because
if you say it wrong you say a naughty
word and i'm going to be listening to
see if i hear any naughty words this
morning okay
repeat after me it's only three phrases
i slit a sheet
a sheet i slit
and on that slitted sheet i sit
oh very good no shits excellent
very good
now in that moment in that moment you
weren't worried about i'm in front of
all these people this is weird this
guy's having me do that you were so
focused on saying it right and trying to
figure out what the naughty word was
that you were in the present moment
that's how easy it is
so it's very possible for us to manage
our anxiety
we can do it initially by greeting the
anxiety when we begin to feel those
signs
we can do it when we reframe the
situation as a conversation
and we do it when we become present
oriented
those are three of many tools that exist
to help you manage your anxiety
if you have questions about other ways
i'm happy to chat with you and at the
end i'm going to point you to some
resources that you can refer to to help
you find additional sources for you
so let's get started on the core part of
what we're doing today which is how to
feel more comfortable speaking in
spontaneous situations
some very simple ground rules for you
first
i'm going to identify four steps that i
believe are critical to becoming
effective at speaking in a spontaneous
situation
with each of those steps i'm going to
ask you to participate in an activity
none of them are more painful than
saying the tongue twister out loud they
may require you to stand up they might
require you to talk to the person next
to you but none of them are painful
and then finally i'm going to conclude
with a phrase or saying that comes from
the wonderful world of improvisation
through the continuing studies program
here at stanford for the past five years
i have co-taught a class with adam tobin
he is a lecturer in the
creative arts department he teaches film
and new media and he's an expert at
improv and we've partnered together to
help people learn how to speak more
spontaneously we call it
improvisationally speaking and adam has
taught me wonderful phrases and ideas
from improv that i want to impart to you
that really stick that's why i'm sharing
them with you to help you remember these
techniques and again at the end of all
this you'll get a handout that has this
listed
so let's get started
the very first thing that gets in
people's way when it comes to
spontaneous speaking
is themselves
we get in our own way
we want to be perfect we want to give
the right answer we want our toast to be
incredibly memorable
these things are burdened by our effort
by our trying
the best thing we can do the first step
in our process is to get ourselves out
of the way easier said than done
most of us in this room are in this room
because we are type a personalities we
work hard we think fast we make sure
that we get things right but that can
actually serve as a disservice
as we try to speak in the moment
i'd like to demonstrate a little of this
for you and i need your help to do that
so we're going to do our first activity
we're going to do an activity that's
called shout the wrong name
in a moment if you are able and willing
i'm going to ask you to stand and i'm
going to ask you for about 30 seconds to
look all around you in this environment
and you are going to point at different
things and i know it's rude to point but
for this exercise please point i want
you to point to things and you are going
to call the things you are pointing to
out loud
anything but what they really are
so i might point to this and say
refrigerator
i might point to this and say cat
i am pointing to anything in your
environment around you can be the person
sitting next to you standing next to you
you will just shout and shouting is
important
the wrong name
so in a moment i'm going to ask you to
stand and do that
please raise your hand if you already
have the first five or six things you're
going to call out
yeah
that's what i'm talking about
we stockpile you all are excellent game
players i told you the game
shout the wrong name and you have
already begun figuring out how you're
going to master the game
that's your brain
trying to help you get it right
i'd like to suggest the only way you can
get this activity wrong
is by doing what you've just done
there is no way to get this wrong
okay even if i call this a chair
no penalty will be
bestowed upon you
okay because i won't know what you were
pointing at you could have been pointing
at the floor under the chair and you
called the floor of the chair and you
were fine
the point is we are planning and working
to get it right and there is no way to
get it right just doing it gets it right
okay so let's try this now we're going
to play this game twice again it's for
30 seconds if you are willing and able
will you please stand up you can do this
seated by the way but if you're willing
and able let's stand up okay in a moment
i am about to say go and i would like
for you to point at anything around here
including me
it's okay to point at me i hope it's not
a bad thing you say when you point at me
but point at different things and loudly
and proudly
call them different
than what they are
ready
begin
porcupine
california
salt shaker
car
library
tennis racket
purple
orange
putrid
hello
time
time
let's you can stay standing because in
mere moments we're going to do it again
so if you're comfortable standing we're
about to do it again first thank you
that was wonderful i heard great words
being called out it was it was fun and
some of you in the back were doing it in
sync so it looked like you were doing
some 70s disco dance it was awesome okay
this this was great now let me ask you
just a few questions did you notice
anything about the words that you were
saying
did we find patterns perhaps maybe some
of you were going through fruits and
vegetables a few of you were going
through things that started with the
letter a
right that's your brain saying okay you
told me not to stockpile so i'm going to
try to be a little more devious and i'm
going to give you patterns
okay
same problem
when we teach that class i told you
about that improvisationally speaking
class we like to say your brain is there
to help you
these things it's doing have helped you
be successful but like a windshield
wiper we just want to wipe those
suggestions away
and see what happens okay so we're going
to do this activity again
this time
try the best you can to thank your brain
if it provides you with patterns or
stockpiles and just say thank your brain
and disregard them okay so let's see
what happens when we're not stockpiling
and we're not playing off patterns we'll
do this for only 15 seconds see how this
feels baby steps ready
begin
kodak
bicycle chain
skateboard
bananas
purple
[Applause]
putrid
time
please have a seat
thank you again
did you notice a difference
between the second time and the first
time
yes was it a little easier that second
time
no
that's okay we're just starting
these skills are not like a light switch
it's not like you learn these squeals
skills and then all of a sudden you can
execute on them
this is a wonderful game
this is a wonderful game to train your
brain
to get out of its own way
you can play this game anywhere anytime
i like to play this game when i'm
sitting in traffic
makes me feel better than i shout things
out
they're not the naughty things that i
want to be shouting out but i shout out
things and it helps
you're training yourself to get out of
your own way you're working against the
muscle memory that you've developed over
the course of your life with a brain
that acts very fast to help you solve
problems but in essence in spontaneous
speaking situations you put too much
pressure on yourself trying to figure
out how to get it
right so a game like this teaches us to
get out of our own way it teaches us to
see
the things that we do
that prevent us from acting
spontaneously
in essence we are reacting rather than
responding
to react means to act again
you've thought it and now you're acting
on it that takes too long and it's too
thoughtful we want to respond in a way
that's genuine and
authentic so the maxim i would like for
you to take from this and again these
maxims come from improvisation is one of
my favorite
dare to be dull
and in a room like this telling you dare
to be dull is offensive and i apologize
but this will help
rather than stre striving for greatness
dare to be dull
and if you dare to be dull and allow
yourself that you will reach that
greatness
it's when you
set greatness as your target
that it gets in the way of you ever
getting there
because you over evaluate you over
analyze you freeze up
so the first step in our process today
is to get out of our own way
dare to be dull
easier said than done
but once you practice in a game just as
simple as the one we practiced is a
great way to do it
but that's not enough
getting out of our own way is important
but the second step of our process
has us change how we see the situation
we find ourselves in
we need to see the speaking opportunity
that we are a part of as an opportunity
rather than a challenge and a threat
when i coach executives
on q a skills
when they go in front of the media or
whatever
investors
they see it as an adversarial experience
me versus them
and one of the first things i work on is
change the way you approach it
a q a session for example is an
opportunity for you it's an opportunity
to clarify it's an opportunity to
understand what people are thinking
so if we look at it as an opportunity it
feels very different
we see it differently and therefore we
have more freedom to respond when i feel
that you are challenging me i am going
to do the bare minimum
to respond and protect myself
if i see this as an opportunity where i
have a chance to explain and expand i'm
going to
interact differently with you
so spontaneous speaking situations are
ones that afford you opportunities
so when you're at a corporate dinner and
your boss turns to you and says oh you
know him better than the rest would you
mind introducing him you say great thank
you for the opportunity rather than
right i better get this right
so see things as an opportunity
i have a game to play to help us with
this
this is a fun one the holidays are
approaching
we all in this room are going to give
and receive gifts
here's how this game will work
it works best if you have a partner so
i'm hoping you can work with somebody
sitting next to you if there's nobody
sitting next to you turn around
introduce yourself great way to connect
if not you can play this game by
yourself it's just a little harder and
you can't do the second part of the game
so after i explain the game give this
gives you a chance to get to know
somebody here's how it works if you have
a partner
you and your partner are going to
exchange imaginary gifts
okay
pretend you have a gift it can be a big
gift it can be a small gift and you will
give your gift to your partner
your partner will take the gift and open
it up and will tell you what you gave
them because you have no you just gave
him a gift so you are going to open up
the box and you're going to look inside
and you are going to say the first thing
that comes to your mind in the moment
not the thing you have all just thought
of
or the thing after that remember what we
talked about before that still plays
that's still in play okay you're
stockpiling
look in there
my favorite that i said somebody gave me
this a gift during playing this game i
looked inside and i saw a frog leg i
don't know why i saw a frog leg but
that's what i said that's the first part
of the activity
now the opportunity
is twofold in this game the opportunity
is for you the gift receiver to name a
gift that's kind of fun that's an
opportunity it's not a threat
but the real opportunity is for the
gift-giver because the gift-giver then
has to say
so you look and you say thank you for
giving me a frog's leg and the person
will look at you and say i knew you
wanted a frog's leg because
so whatever you find the person who has
received it is going to say absolutely
i'm so glad you're happy i got it for
you because so you have to respond to
whatever they say
right
what a great opportunity now some of you
are sitting there going oh that's hard i
don't want to do it i make a fool of
myself others of you or if you're
following this advice are saying what a
great opportunity
right so the game again is played like
this you and your partner will exchange
each will exchange a gift one will start
then the other will follow the first
person will give a gift to the second
person second person opens the box
however big the box is and if the box is
big and you find a penny in it perfect
doesn't matter the box is heavy and you
find a feather in it fine it does
there's no way to get it wrong okay
whatever's in the box is in the box you
can return it and get what you wanted
later okay
the person
then you will name it you will say thank
you for the whatever you saw in the box
the person who gave it to you will say
i'm so glad you're excited i got it for
you because
and you will give a reason that you got
them whatever they decided you gave them
make sense
all right so very quickly just in five
seconds find a partner if you're willing
to do this with a partner everybody have
a partner
okay
all right in your partnerships
in your partnerships
pick an a person and a b person you may
stand or sit it's totally up to you
pick an a and pick a b
okay
b goes first
all right b give a a gift b give a a
gift a
thank them
and then b will name and give the reason
they gave it to him
[Applause]
[Applause]
if you have not switched switch please
if you have not switched switch please
let's wrap it up in 30 seconds please
let's wrap it up
all right if we can all have our seats
if we can all
take our seats please
i know i'm telling a room of many
mba alums to stop talking and that's
hard
all right ladies and gentlemen
did you get what you wanted
pretty neat huh
you always get what you want now for
some of you this was really hard because
you you were really taking the challenge
and not seeing what was in the box until
you looked in there okay was anybody
surprised by what you found in the box
what did you find sir what was in the
box
what
uh wow
nice
nice uh if you've got a ferrari you need
a transmission i like it who else found
something that was surprising what did
you find
a live unicorn that's a great gift right
how was it as the gift giver were you
surprised at what your partner found in
the box isn't it interesting that when
we give an imaginary gift knowing that
the person is going to name it we
already have in mind what they're going
to find
and when they say live unicorn we go
well that's interesting right
so
the point of this game is
to one remind ourselves we have to get
out of our own way like we talked about
before but to see this as an opportunity
and to have fun
i love watching people play this game
the number of smiles that i saw amongst
you and i have to admit when i first
started some of you looked a little dour
a little doubting okay but in that last
game you were all smiling and looked
like you were having fun so when you
reframe the spontaneous speaking
opportunity as
as an opportunity as
something that you can co-create and
share
all of a sudden
you are less nervous
less defensive
and you can accomplish something pretty
darn good in this case a fun outcome
this reminds us of perhaps the most
famous of all improvisation sayings
yes and
a lot of us live our communication lives
saying no but
yes and opens up a tremendous amount of
opportunities and this doesn't mean you
have to say yes and to a question
somebody asks this just means the
approach you take to the situation
so you're going to ask me questions
that's an opportunity yes and i will
follow through
versus no and being defensive
so we've accomplished the first two
steps of our process
first we get out of our own way and
sepkin we reframe the situation as an
opportunity
the next phase
is also hard but very rewarding and that
is
to slow down
and listen
you need to understand the demands of
the requirement you find yourself in
in order to respond appropriately but
often we jump ahead
we listen just enough
to think we got it and then we go ahead
starting on our to think about
what we're going to respond and then we
respond
we really need to listen because
fundamentally as a communicator your job
is to be in service of your audience and
if you don't understand what your
audience is asking or needs you can't
fulfill that obligation
so we need to slow down and listen
i have a fun game to play
in this game you are going to s p l l
e v e r y t h i n g
y o u
s a y
t o y o u r p a r t n e r
i will translate
you're going to get with the same
partner you just worked with
and you are going to have a very brief
conversation about something fun that
you plan to do today
i know this is the most fun you're going
to have all day but the next fun thing
you're going to do today you are going
to tell your partner what you are going
to do that will be fun today but you are
going to do so by s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g-i-t
okay
so you're going to spell it
it's okay if you are not a good speller
okay
the i you'll see the benefit of doing
this so
with the partner you just worked with
person a is going to go first this time
you are simply going to tell your
partner actually you're going to spell
to your partner what it is
of fun something of fun that you're
going to do today okay
do what you were really going to do for
fun and not do things like
f-e-e-d-t-h-e-c-a-t
right just because you don't want to
spell right so
you can use big words all right 30
seconds each spell to your partner
something fun that you're going to do
today
would you like to play
oh my goodness say it again spell it
again
e-x-c-e-e-l-l-e-n-t
i h o p e t h a t t h e y w i n
x e x l c l l e n
thank you that was very good thank you
if you have not switched switch
take 30 more seconds with the new
partner spelling
g-r-e-a-t exclamation point
t-h-a-n-k-y-o-u
p-l-e-a-s-e
t-a-k-e
y-o-u-r
so what did we learn
what did we learn besides that we're not
so good at spelling
you have to pause between the words
how did this change your interaction
with the person you were interacting
with what did you have to do focus
and listen
and you can't be thinking ahead you have
to be in the moment
when you listen and truly understand
what the person is trying to say then
you can respond in a better way a more
targeted response
we often don't listen
so we start by getting out of our own
way
we then reframe the situation
as an opportunity those are things we do
inside our head but in the moment of
interacting we have to listen first
before we can respond to the spontaneous
request
perhaps my most favorite maxim
comes from this activity
don't just do something stand there
listen
listen and then respond
now how do we respond that brings us to
the fourth part of our process
and that is we have to tell a story we
respond in a way that has a structure
all stories have structure we have to
respond in a structured way
the key to successful spontaneous
speaking and by the way plan speaking is
having a structure
i would like to introduce you to
two of the most prevalent and popular
and useful structures you can use to
communicate a message in a spontaneous
situation but before we get there we
have to talk about the value of
structure it increases what is called
processing fluency the effectiveness of
which or through which we process
information
we actually process structured
information roughly 40 percent more
effectively and efficiently than
information that's not structured
i love looking out in this audience
because you will remember as i remember
phone numbers when you had to remember
them if you wanted to call somebody okay
young folks today don't need to remember
phone numbers they just need to look at
a picture push a button and then the
voice starts talking on the other end
ten digit phone numbers it's actually
hard to remember ten digit phone numbers
how did you do it
you chunked it into a structure three
three and four
structure helps us remember
the same is true
when speaking spontaneously or in a
planned situation so let me introduce
you to two useful structures
the first useful structure you have
probably heard or used in some
incarnation it is the problem solution
benefit structure you start by talking
about what the issue is the problem
you then talk about a way of solving it
and then you talk about the benefits of
following through on it very persuasive
very effective
helps you as the speaker remember it
helps your audience know where you're
going with it
when i was a tour guide on this campus
many many many years ago
what do you think the single most
important thing they drilled into our
head it took a full quarter by the way
to train to be a tour guide here they
used to line us up at one end of the
quad and have us walk backwards straight
and if you failed you had to start over
to this day i can walk backwards in a
straight line because of that
as part of that training what do you
think the most important thing they
taught us was
never lose your tour group
i'm not joking never that's never lose
your tour group
the same is true as a presenter never
lose your audience the way you keep your
audience on track is by providing
structure
none of you would go on a tour with me
if i said hi my name's matt let's go
you want to know where you're going why
you're going there how long it's going
to take you need to set expectations and
structure does that problem solution
benefit is a wonderful structure to have
in your back pocket
it's something that you can use quickly
when you're in the
moment it can be reframed so it's not
always a problem you're talking about
maybe it's an opportunity maybe there's
a market opportunity you want to go out
and capture it's not a problem that
we're not doing it but maybe we'd be
better off if we did so it becomes
opportunity solution which are the steps
to achieve it
and then the benefit
another structure
which works equally equally well
is the what
so what now what structure
you start by talking about what it is
then you talk about why it's important
and then what the next steps are
this is a wonderful formula for
answering questions
for introducing people so if i'm in the
moment somebody asked me to introduce
somebody i change the what to who i say
who they are why they're important and
what we're going to do next maybe listen
to them maybe drink our wine whatever
right
what so what now what the reality is
this when you are in a spontaneous
speaking situation you have to do two
things simultaneously you have to figure
out what to say and how to say it these
structures help you
by telling you how to say it
if you can become comfortable with these
structures you can be in a situation
where you can respond very ably to
spontaneous speaking situations
we're going to practice because that's
what we do
here's the situation is everybody
familiar with this child's toy it's a
slinky okay
you are going to sell this slinky to
your partner
using either problem solution benefit
or opportunity solution benefit what
does the slinky provide you
you could use what so what now what what
is it why is it important and the next
steps might be to buy it okay so by
using that structure see how already it
helps you
it helps you focus
get with your partner and we're only
going to have one partner sell to the
other partner
okay
so get with your partner
one of you will volunteer to sell to the
other okay
sell a slinky using problem solution
benefit or what so what now what please
begin
so
when i debrief this you can go ahead and
pass them out does that make sense
no um after this activity
correct
30 more seconds please
excellent let's all
close the deal seal the deal
i have never seen
more people in one place doing this at
the same time
i love it i teach people to gesture and
gesture big it's great i love it
so if you were the recipient of the the
sales pitch
thumbs up did they do a good job
did they use the structure
awesome i'm recruiting you all for my
next business as my salespeople
please try to ignore this but as we're
speaking the handout i told you about is
coming around
on the back of that handout you are
going to see a list of structures the
two we talked about and several others
that can help you in spontaneous
speaking situations
these structures help
because they help you understand how
you're going to say what you say
structure sets you free and i know
that's kind of ironic but it's true if
you have that structure then you're free
to think about what it is you're going
to say
it reduces the cognitive load of
figuring out what you're saying and how
you're going to say it
all of this is on that handout okay
so what does this all mean
it means that we have within our ability
the tools and the approaches to help us
in spontaneous speaking situations the
very first thing we have to do is manage
our anxiety because you can't be an
effective speaker
if you don't
have your anxiety under control
and we talked about how you can do that
by greeting your anxiety reframing as a
conversation and being in the present
moment
once you do that you need to practice a
series of four steps that will help you
speak spontaneously first you get out of
your own way
i would love it if all of you on your
way from here to the football game
point at things and call them the wrong
name
it'll be fun
if most of us do it then it won't be
weird if only one in two of us do it'll
be weird
second
give gifts
by that i mean see your interactions as
ones of opportunity not challenges
third take the time to listen
listen
and then finally use structures and you
have to practice these structures i
practice these structures on my kids i
have two kids when they ask me questions
i usually answer them in what so what
now what
they don't know it but when they go over
to their friends houses and they see
their friends ask their dad's questions
they don't get what so what now what so
you know you have to practice the more
you practice the more comfortable you
will become
ultimately you have the opportunity
before you to become more compelling
more confident more connected as a
speaker
if you leverage these techniques
if you're interested in learning more
this is where i do a little plug okay
i've written a book many of the mba
students who take the strategic
communication classes here that i and
others teach read it it's called
speaking up without freaking out
more importantly there's a website here
that i curate called no freaking
speaking
and it has lots of information that i've
written and others have written about
how to become more effective at speaking
so that's that's the end of my plug
what i'd really like to do is enter into
a spontaneous speaking situation with
you
and i would love to entertain any
questions that you have there are two
people who are running around with
microphones so some of us who remember
the phil donahue show we're going to do
a little bit of that uh if you have a
question the microphone will come and
i'm happy to answer it
i think if you join yeah
we can hear you great uh can you talk
about hostile situations
hostile situations yes so when you find
yourself in a challenging situation
first
it should not become a surprise to you
it should not be a surprise
before you ever speak you should think
about what is the environment going to
be like so it shouldn't surprise you
that there might be some challenges in
the room
when there are hostile situations that
arise you have to acknowledge it so if
somebody says that's a ridiculous idea
why did you come up with that
to simply say so the idea i came up with
was right acknowledge the emotion i
recommend not naming the emotion
okay so you sound really angry the
person's i'm not angry i'm frustrated
now we're arguing over their mental
state right emotional state so so i say
something like i hear you have a lot of
passion on this issue or i hear there's
great concern from you so you
acknowledge the emotion because
otherwise it sits in the room
and then reframe or respond the way that
makes sense so if somebody raises their
hand and says your product is
ridiculously priced why do you charge so
much
i might say i hear great concern
and what you're really asking about is
the value of our product and i would
give my value proposition and then i
would come back and say and because of
the value we provide we believe it's
priced fairly so you answer the question
about price but you reframe it in a way
that you feel more comfortable answering
it so
the way to do this is to practice all
the skills we just talked about the only
skill that i'm adding to this is the
awareness in advance that you might be
in that situation
first i have to truly listen to what i'm
hearing right it's very easy for me when
i hear a challenging question to get all
defensive
and not hear what the person's asking i
see it as an opportunity to reframe and
explain okay so again you have to
practice
but that's how i think you address it
are there other questions i see a
question back here yes please yes first
of all thank you very much great great
presentation thank you for a lot of the
um the speaking i do i have remote
audiences audiences distributed all over
uh the country with uh telecom any tips
for those kinds of audiences so when you
are speaking in a situation where not
everybody is co-located okay in fact
right at this very moment there are
people watching this presentation
remotely
what you need to do is be mindful of it
second try to include engagement
techniques where the audience actually
has to do something
so physical participation is what we did
here through the games you can ask your
audience to imagine something imagine
what it would be like if when we tried
to achieve a goal rather than saying
here's the goal we're trying to achieve
say imagine what it would be like if see
what that does to you it pulls you in i
can take polling questions most of the
technology that you're referring to has
some kind of polling feature you can
open up some kind of wiki or google doc
or some collaborative tool where people
can be doing things and you can be
monitoring that while you're presenting
so i might take some breaks i talk for
10 15 minutes and say okay let's apply
this and let's go into this google doc
i've created and i see what people are
doing so it's about variety and it's
about engagement those are the ways that
you really connect to people who are
remote from you okay other questions
who you're pointing oh i've got to look
for where the mic is yes um this might
be a similar to the first question but
um i do a lot of expert witness
testimony what's your recommendation for
handling cross-examination specifically
specifically
being cross-examined right
so
in any speaking situation that you go
into that has some planned element to it
i recommend identifying certain themes
that you think are important or believe
need to come out and then with each one
of those themes have some examples and
concrete evidence that you can use to
support it
you don't go in with memorized
terms or ways of saying it you just have
ideas and themes and then you put them
together as necessary so when i'm in a
situation where people are interrogating
me
i have certain themes that i want to get
across and make sure that i i can do
that in a way that fits the needs in the
moment if it's hostile again
you the the single best tool you have to
buy yourself time and to help you answer
a question efficiently is paraphrasing
the paraphrase is like the swiss army
knife of communication if you remember
the show macgyver it's your macgyver
tool right so when a question comes in
the way you paraphrase it allows you the
opportunity to reframe it to think about
your answer
and to pause and make sure you got it
right so when you're under those
situations if you have the opportunity
to paraphrase so what you're really
asking about is x y and z
that gives you the opportunity to employ
one of these techniques now i've never
been an expert witness because i'm not
an expert on anything but
those tools i believe could be helpful
the the microphone is back there thank
you
thank you so much this has been so
helpful and enjoyable this morning thank
you would you please show the last
screen so we can get down the name of
the book that you've written and the
information absolutely thank you
i think they actually there you might
even have an opportunity but you know
it's on the sheet too everything i said
is on the back of that sheet but i'm
happy to have this behind me while i
while i talk
other questions yes please
yes um i work with
groups that from
that represent many different cultural
backgrounds yes so are there any caveats
or is this a universal
strategy
so in terms of from your
perspective as the speaker i believe
this applies but when you whenever you
communicate part of the listening aspect
is also thinking about is
who is my audience and what are their
expectations so what are the cultural
expectations of the audience that i'm
presenting to
so there might be certain norms and
rules that are expected so when i travel
and do talks i have to take into account
where i'm doing the the presentation so
i i'm i help present in the ignite
program and if you have not heard about
the ignite program here at the gsb it's
fantastic and i just did a presentation
standing in one of these awesome
classrooms that have all these cameras
and i just taught 35 people in santiago
chile
right and i needed to understand the
cultural expectations of that area
and what they expect and what they're
willing to do when i ask them to
participate so it's a part of that
listening step where you reflect on what
are the expectations of the audience i
think we have time for two more
questions and then i'm going to hang
around afterwards if anybody has
individual questions but some of these
folks really want me to keep on schedule
yes i wanted to ask a question one of
the things that you've done effectively
and you're talking and i've seen other
effective speakers do is interject humor
in their talk how what are the risks and
rewards of trying to do that well first
thank you and i appreciate all of you
laughing those are that's the sum total
of all my jokes you've heard them i am
not funny beyond those jokes
so humor is wonderfully connecting
it's wonderfully connecting it's a great
tool for connection it is very very
risky
cultural reasons get in the way
sometimes what you think is funny isn't
funny to other people what research
tells us is that if you're going to try
to be funny
self-deprecating humor is your best bet
okay
because it is the least risky there is
nothing worse than putting out a joke
and having
no response it actually sets you back
farther than if you would have gotten
where you would have gotten if the joke
would have hit so
basic fundamentals you need to think
about with humor one is it funny how do
i know i ask other people first
second
what happens if it doesn't work have a
backup plan right
and then third if you're worried about
the answers to those first two don't do
it
right
one last question please the microphone
is right here and then like i said i
will hang around afterwards yes please
i um i'm sort of on the opposite side of
this since i am a journalist and i
frequently have to ask spontaneous
questions of people who have been
through media training yes
so
so any tips for chinks in the armor way
to
ask
ask a question without being
antagonistic but get a
facsimile of a straight answer
well so let me give you two answers one
is i i have young boys and uh the power
of the why is great just ask why a
couple times and and you can get through
that first two layers of training you
know why do you say that how do you feel
about that
the the second bit is to
what i have found successful in getting
people to i do this to get people to
answer in a more authentic way what i'll
do is i'll ask them to give advice
so what advice would you give somebody
who's challenged with this or what
advice would you give to somebody
in this situation and by asking for the
advice it changes the relationship they
have to me as the question asker and i
often get much more rich detailed
information so the power of the why and
then put them in a position of providing
guidance and that can really work
with that i am going to thank you very
much i
welcome you to ask questions later and
enjoy the rest of your reunion weekend
thank you
[Applause]
[Music]