our new series it's called what your
kids don't want you to know and TJ
Holmes is back yesterday we saw him
talking with a group of tween girls
about what they have on their phones and
then their parents this morning we see
what happens when he brings them all
together for a very candid conversation
right each yeah and you all let me be
honest here we actually contacted a lot
of families about doing this with us and
many of them said no wait when they
found out what we really wanted them to
do this could be a difficult
conversation in private but in front of
cameras no way so you saw me sit
yesterday with the kids and parents
separately now you got to see what
happens when I bring them together and
all is revealed in particular we talk
about Instagram we talk about this
calculator app where you can hide
content and we also talked about some
messaging apps alright so now I just
want you to sit back and watch what
happens
give me give me your cell phones there
it is it's a it's a calculator it looks
like a calculator but now I want you to
type in your code on this calculator and
what pops up is a is a file that says
secret in that calculator what you're
seeing here nothing too terrible but
what it's still revealing is that
something you two did not know about I
guess your face tells me a lot what
you're not posting any of anything and
appropriate are you what do you mean you
can see my Instagram mom that calculator
is something you hide and have to I want
to go through my message to go through
it why do you have to have the
calculator because I don't want to see
like if like people go on my camera roll
I don't want them to see like weird you
know parents do you keep an eye on your
kids Instagram accounts are you all do
you keep an eye on them yeah shout out
how many Instagram followers you have
509 788 594 1080 307 away I'm in shock
like a thousand and she's know and then
I just found its price private and she's
unusable
I don't even know if out you follow it
did you hear what she does of course I
do that's one cami I have to point
something out you're familiar with the
ask fm
at night have you looked through her
we've discussed it I'm gonna have to
show you something this is not people
she's having conversations with but this
is what the app allows essentially
strangers to come and seek your child
out and start sitting back breathe mommy
you're gonna be okay Mama's gonna be
okay but this is just an example of some
things people were sending her yes I
didn't know about that one okay what I
like to see that app completely taken
off the phone yeah absolutely
now you think on your child's phone you
want to take away or you just want to
monitor a little better at this point
monitor a lot and be more aware I mean
how can we keep up with all these apps
every day there's a new app that's being
invented my problem has been that I've
had blinders on to it didn't know about
it so now it's my responsibility to
speed up and learn and participate Bella
I didn't want why are you upset what's
going on I just feel like I lived in my
mom and she was getting like teary-eyed
so I thought that she like didn't trust
me anymore I don't think that's the case
I don't have to speak for your mom come
on come on Bella Bella Bella thought
that well come on honey honey honey
honey honey honey honey honey
hate she's the sweetest little thing and
she I hate to see her upset she gets it
okay and now I'm getting emotional let
me go home all right let me clear this
up for some folks in Lera you were
asking everybody's been asking this
calculator app what are we talking about
here there are a lot of apps out there
that look just like a calculator but you
can hide content the confusing part
there's another app out there called
calculator plus that acts just like a
regular calculator just the normal
function so we got to make that
distinction and clear that up you hear
the kids just referring to it all these
calculator this and that but they're
ghost apps that look and function like
something normal that you can hide
content that a lot of parents don't know
about and I want you to know the follow
up all these parents here they've
reached out since we've done this a
month or so ago they've made changes and
they say it's actually brought their
families closer together in content and
this was the biggest part of the story
guys we weren't expecting it say no
we're going to reveal look out for this
app that
this was more so about families and what
happens when you're not talking
we saw trust right now auntie and not
having the conversation so thank those
families so much and one of the kids
there is actually the sister of a GMA
producer that helped us put all this
together so I can't thank the my
conversation and TJ thank you and we're
gonna continue it right now with our
parenting expert Erica Souter of mom dot
knee so how do we balance it I worry
about it all the time out of 14 and an
11 year old life I mean right in the
zone right there's a big there's like a
fine line between trusting them and
caring for their safety that's the
million dollar question that faces a lot
of the parents that we speak to because
teens you want to them to develop a
sense of individuality and independence
but you also know that they're at a
stage where they keep makin still make
disastrous decisions you know thirty
percent of teens admit that they sent
nude pictures of themselves to the
friends thirty percent so you have to
weigh their right to privacy with your
responsibility to protect them guess
which one's more important yeah yeah to
the action question you talked to some
parents and experts at that point they
say that there is no such thing as
privacy you're the parent you're the
child
random discussion it's a really hot
topic amongst my friends and I'm sure
all of our viewers over there do you ask
your kids for their code do you look
through their phone yeah what do you
recommend well there are some rules that
will help now number one discuss what is
appropriate and inappropriate and don't
just do it with photos also talk about
text you know that they want to flirt
with your friends you understand that
but there have to be boundaries they
cannot just send anything because you
know these decisions can haunt them the
rest of their lives
number two you want to limit their phone
time you know a lot of these texts in
these photos are sent late at night
there's no reason for your teenager to
be dancing or tell everybody a really
good tip yeah that somebody gave me and
it's a hard and fast rule no phones at
night when you're ready for bed you hand
over the phone exactly mad about dock
them in the kitchen
duck them in the den or the family room
and you also want to monitor your kids
phone activity and don't hide it don't
pretend that you're not doing it let
them know that this is a part of the
right and privilege of having a phone
you're going to check not just for what
they're doing but what their friends are
doing you know a friend of mine drop
that between and I was watching them
while they heard her husband went out
and I got a text an hour later
oh I forgot to check his phone will you
check it for me and I felt a little
uncomfortable because I thought well I'm
not his parent but when I asked him he
handed it right over he didn't read and
I we went through the things on his
phone together because that is a part of
the contract he had with his parents and
it was a part of its system from the
get-go in their little so what happens
if your child comes to you with
something they have received from a
friend or something that is
inappropriate I mean what does a parent
what do you do it's not your child
but something was sent to your child
right well that's we have a real talk
you sit down with them it may be
embarrassing we didn't to tell them the
consequences that this cuz a lot of
think this is considered pornography
that he can get in trouble or she can
get in trouble for having it the person
can get in trouble for sending it and
there are real-life examples of kids
whose lives have been good - yeah we've
seen it's really scary and I think one
thing we found in TJ's piece there we
were just talking about it there's so
much social pressure on these kids to be
followed on Jimmy all those kids knew
how many followers they had to the
number yeah there's pressure to post
things it's gonna get you attention and
as a parent that's why you've got to be
on topic where do you say one of them
had a thousand followers you know she's
11 years old and it's a private account
well following that does also set
consequences for your kids you know if
they if they break the rules take away
the phone or cancel the texting plan you
know let them know that you're serious
about productive lead by example - about
how you use exactly we've often said the
children want boundaries they act like
they don't but they actually do when
they're bombarded in the social world
what that was yeah the internet little
girl who came to I couldn't believe that
and again okay mom you trust me so why
are you questioning me and the mom is
saying I trust you so why you have this
thing that hides things so that happens
I just got to talk about it yeah it's a
conversation right Erica suitor thank
you so much