i was born in a unique time in regard to
star wars the original trilogy was
completed before i was born and the
phantom menace came out when i was 14.
did i wear my heroes
they were everyone's heroes
but i grew up life became more than just
homework riding bikes and holding hands
as well as the films i loved expanded
beyond space ninjas and laser swords
i saw a dark knight rise
two men of steel crumble
barefoot many people ride giant eagles
big business clash with the american
dream
and a long trek came to a halt and along
the way that music came back
great as they were they weren't the same
maybe i became more cynical maybe i
stopped being so naive
or maybe it was an inside joke that was
meant to be seen all along we would be
honored
if you would join us and yeah i get it
they are films they play to our emotions
logic isn't exactly what they are all
about this is madness but if you look at
things with a little less emotion don't
let your personal feelings get in the
way a little bit more logic come to your
senses and a tiny spoonful of real world
events that's right
you see it
you see it pretty clearly
you see that the empire was right
and just to clarify things ahead of time
i'm merely talking about the live action
theatrically released films no comic
books tv series made for tv films or
novels just the films
and while the connection is implied the
first order does not have a definitive
connection to the empire and as such
will not be directly referenced for
better or worse in connection with the
empire and your journey towards the dark
side will be complete also i am not
implying that the empire sith or their
associates are perfectly good and i'm
not saying the jedi rebels or their
associates are perfectly evil
but each opposing force sits squarely on
a spectrum with the empire leaning
towards the morally justified side and
the rebels and jedi leaning more towards
the warmongering bloodthirsty child
molester side
first and foremost i'm going to start
with an obvious point what makes the
jedi so good they call themselves the
peacekeepers of the galaxy we're keepers
of the peace but they are quite violent
in a new hope obi-wan makes the first
blow against vader
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and in the phantom menace palpatine
tells darth maul not to attack first
and once you know when he encounters
obi-wan and qui-gon obi-wan attacks him
first
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just for the sake of comparison darth
maul even goes out of his way to avoid
making contact during portions of this
fight
but on a broader level the jedi
initially maintained order for the sake
of the republic but the republic is
deeply flawed the republic is not what
it once was
it has no interest in the common good
there is no interest in the common good
and is run by
the bureaucrats
are in charge now the same republic also
sits by idly as the trade federation
lays siege to naboo a tragedy has
occurred
which started right here with the
taxation of trade routes
and has now engulfed our entire planet
in the oppression of the trade
federation but looking at the jedi on
their own i'm at a loss for what is so
righteous about them at best they are
part of the republic's military but then
they are only as good as the republic
itself at worst they are a cult that
brainwashes children at a very young age
as even anakin skywalker was initially
too old for the jedi he is to be trained
then
no
he will not be trained
no
he's too old i am all four people
finding peace through religion
but the jedi do play it fast and loose
with their timing
look no further than obi-wan taking
advantage of luke wanting to know his
father what is it
your father's lightsaber
this is the weapon of a jedi knight and
then catapulting off the untimely death
of his aunt and uncle this is quite the
predatory situation to trick somebody
into a religion but it doesn't end there
who says the jedi are right pretty much
only them
for over a thousand generations the jedi
knights were the guardians of peace and
justice in the old republic
and who says the sith and empire are
evil pretty much just the jedi and
rebels
destroy the sith
we must
send me to kill the emperor we are fed a
narrative from only one side pure
propaganda to say the least and on a
side note it is outrageous to justify
the dark side as evil just because it is
called the dark side i see through the
lies of the jedi
i do not fear the dark side as you do
but i digress
when luke and obi-wan come to the
destroyed sand crawler on tatooine luke
makes the astute observation that it was
an attack by sand people
it looks like the sand people did this
all right look there's gaffy sticks
panther tracks it's just i've never
heard them hitting anything this big
before obi-wan provides a valid counter
argument even though in combat
formations can and do easily alter based
on circumstance but we are meant to
think they did
these tracks are side by side sand
people always ride single file to hide
their numbers but obi-wan makes a pretty
baseless remark about how only
stormtroopers can be so precise and
these
last points too accurate for sand people
only imperial stormtroopers are so
precise but there are a few problems
with this argument one stormtroopers
being precise does not mean others
cannot be precise
two he makes a blanket statement that
sand people cannot shoot precisely
even though i know some hot racers that
can disagree with that
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and three obi-wan uses a lack of
evidence to further his agenda instead
of relying on true evidence
but here's where things get interesting
luke goes to see that his aunt and uncle
have been killed
burned to a crisp by the way
something that stormtroopers are never
seen doing in any other encounters which
is odd
but even more odd luke returns to the
sand crawler and obi-wan begins the
conversation as if he already knew they
were dead
there's nothing you could have done luke
had been there
you'd have been killed too pretty ironic
if you ask me that the last time obi-wan
sees anakin he is burning to death and
literally on fire
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and anakin's brother ends up burned to
nothing but his bones
and obi-wan seems to be in close
proximity for both events
well of course i know him
he's me
i will continue this argument later on
but now let's go to probably the most
misconstrued aspect of the empire
the death star
the death star in itself is emphatic
proof of the empire being moral and
anti-war this is made obvious by the
fact that the death star was already
under construction during the end of
revenge of the sith and not ready until
the events of rogue one
it was under construction for over 20
years for a military with the resources
of an entire galaxy at its disposal
and a military that is dealing with a
well-equipped rebellion
it should have been a top construction
priority unless violence was not the
main objective of the empire very
interesting once again the separatists
have been engaging in a civil war
against the empire for over two decades
no different than how the united states
dealt with a confederate separatist
during the american civil war
the operative word is war
unfortunate things happen in war
during the american civil war the union
general william sherman destroyed the
city of atlanta and his troops went on a
30-mile march to the atlantic ocean
destroying everything in their way so
while the amount of death and
destruction is incalculable it was an
event that led to a morale boost for the
union secured lincoln's re-election and
was a turning point in the war that
almost certainly secured victory for the
union the same can be said about the
destruction of alderaan it was cold
callous and reprehensible but like all
wars it was an event that showed the
galaxy that the empire was willing to go
to great lengths for reunification
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i feel a quote by america's greatest
president abraham lincoln further
emphasizes this point i would save the
union i would save it in the shortest
way the sooner the national authority
can be restored the nearer the union
will be to the union as it was and to
address the death star more broadly
target made it very clear that the death
star was to bring a swift end to the
rebellion with a weapon that will bring
a swift end to the rebellion a swift end
to an already over 20 year war plus
alderaan made the perfect target as it
was both separatist and had a low
population i have chosen to test this
station's destructive power on your home
planet of alderaan
obi-wan while a clear antagonist of the
empire was at the very least force
sensitive he remarked how he sensed the
casualties of alderaan as only in the
millions as if millions of voices were
suddenly silenced
to dissect that statement even further
if there were 10 million or more people
on alderaan then he would have said tens
of millions if there were more than six
million people he would have said over
half a dozen million if there were two
million he would have said a couple
million and if there were three to five
million he would have said a few million
numbers don't lie obi-wan clearly
implies that alderaan had less than two
million inhabitants as if millions of
voices of millions of voices have
millions of voices so it makes sense
alderaan was the best possible target to
minimize civilian casualties and bring a
swift end to the rebellion it is clear
that the empire cautiously and
responsibly chose a target of minimal
casualties princess leia on the other
hand showed her true maniacal nature by
being literally unfazed by the events
yes she was momentarily distraught that
her planet possessions and loved ones
were sacrificed in the name of peace to
the empire
but she never makes another mention or
sign of sadness regarding the event
in fact the only other time she brings
up aldron is to chastise a rebel
commander for showing his sympathies
you're safe when we heard about alderaan
we fear the worst we have no time for a
soros commander while on the topic of
leia what type of hero is she
not any real hero in my book why are you
still here
she is a legitimate fan of incest
and it isn't that she was naive about it
because she knew they were related all
along
somehow
i've always known and on top of that she
lied about knowing her mother she was
very beautiful
kind
but sad
when we all know that is a lie
and in five freaking films how does she
use the force
she uses it once and it is to save
herself
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also she is a force damned adulterer
look at her she has the face and body of
a goddess and look at her mate quite an
attractive guy if i say so myself
convenient now look at their kid you
know i can take whatever i want
in the real world carrie fisher was
snorting coke off of harrison ford's
lightsaber if you get what i mean but in
the world of star wars it looks like
princess leia put something scruffy
looking in her nerf herder
now to shift gears a bit as things go
regarding the empire all logical
evidence points to a loving and merciful
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to the government
for starters look at how vader dealt
with leia and the stolen death star
plans he commandeered the ship when
destroying it would have been easier and
still kept the plans away from the
rebels during the same encounter at best
the stormtroopers provide suppressive
fire and things do not escalate until
the bloodthirsty rebels make the first
fatal shot
and let's keep in mind the rebels stole
the plans to the death star a legitimate
weapon of mass destruction
and much like how the real world wants
to keep weapons of mass destruction out
of the maniacal hands of north korea
iran and iraq under saddam hussein the
galactic empire wanted to keep that
technology away from the war-mongering
rebels
but back to the peace and love of the
empire they are job creators these
massive ships and space stations are not
being built for free
as well as let's be honest there isn't
much indication that life under the
empire is that bad after all
when i see the empire i see an imperial
shuttle parking a polite distance from
galen or so's house
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i see a gracious host standing to greet
his guests we would be honored
if you would join us
i see the government outsourcing work to
private citizens
there will be a substantial reward for
the one who finds the millennium fault i
see the government helping a youth get a
job and an identity what's your name son
hot
um what
who are your people
i don't have people
i'm alone
um
solo i see secular government crushing
religious fanaticism the holy city will
be enough for today
target jetta city prepare single reactor
ignition i see a stormtrooper guiding
traffic i see a garbage compactor not
being used so a creature can live in it
i see a government that believes in
smaller government
the rebellion will continue to gain a
support in the imperial senate
will no longer be of any concern to us
i have just received word that the
emperor has dissolved the council
permanently
the last remnants of the old republic
have been swept away
is impossible
how will the emperor maintain control
that the bureaucracy the regional
governors now have direct control over
their territories
i see the will of the people come to
fruition as the empire is created by the
democratically elected senate and by
definition is the will of the people the
republic
will be reorganized
into the first
galactic
empire
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but let's move on the peace-loving and
virtuous nature of the empire can best
be seen by looking at how vile and
corrupt the rebel alliance is there will
be no extraction
you find him
you kill him this is the part where you
probably are saying being a rebel isn't
bad america exists because of a
rebellion i say we fight yeah great
point america is the result of a
rebellion rebellions are built on hope
then again the nazis started as a
rebellion rebellions are built on hope
as did the confederacy rebellions are
built on hope lenin's communist rise to
power in russia was also a rebellion
rebellions are built on hope so was mao
zedong's communist revolution rebellions
are built on hope rebellion does not
always equal good your fleet are rebel
scum and war criminals but to clear the
air about the american rebellion against
britain it was the american colonists
fighting for their own independence from
britain as history clearly shows the
british empire survived the war and
there was still a functioning english
government in canada australia india and
britain itself the warmongering rebel
alliance wants to destroy the empire the
time to fight is now destroying the
government of the entire galaxy send me
to kill the emperor and essentially
creating a system of chaos as they have
not the slightest agenda on how to fill
the massive power vacuum
but let's look at the different ships of
the rebels and the empire and you will
clearly see which one wants war there
are the imperial ships they are clearly
not made for war the tie fighter has no
shields no side or rear visibility only
has forward-facing guns it is easily
destroyed it has no faster than light
travel oh it's a short range fighter no
droid integration and no form of bombs
or torpedoes this ship is clearly meant
to be used only as a last resort i know
these guys i used to be one of them
there's no way they're going to waste a
tie fighter chasing down a little rinky
dink freighter the empire also has a tie
interceptor
it is in the name the sole purpose is to
intercept
then there is the rebellion's x-wing
talk about a ship made for war it has
shields droid assisted flight
faster than light travel four yep i said
it four gun turrets plus the capacity to
fire torpedoes and then there are the
respective big ships the rebels have mon
calamari cruisers and the empire has
star destroyers the empire gave star
destroyers a scary name for the sake of
stopping conflicts before they even
start
seriously ask yourself what name is more
likely to scare you as in give you a
reason not to fight a star destroyer or
a mon calamari cruiser
i don't know about you but if i was told
i would fight a star destroyer i would
think twice
a wimpy name like a mon calamari cruiser
is essentially begging for me to fight
it and that is what the hate-filled
rebels want
more violence
now i do have to concede slightly to the
rebels they have medical frigates to
take care of the wounded and the empire
does not
however the peace-loving empire doesn't
need such ships since they do not rely
on violence to get their way
the violent rebels who crave death and
destruction would need a way to serve
their wounded but on a broader level we
can see how the filmmakers subtly told
us who was good and evil the empire
shoots green lasers which mean go in
peace
[Music]
while the rebels shoot red lasers which
means stop and die
even looking at the lightsabers is
further proof of this
in the phantom menace between qui-gon
obi-wan and darth maul the lightsabers
provide the same subtle meaning with
maul's saber coloring implying stop stop
i do not want to hurt you with the jedi
lightsaber suddenly saying i will fight
you so hard that you will feel blue and
go and die but the rebels are more than
just their ships and sabers a key part
of the rebellion is the millennium
falcon and its two pilots han solo and
lando calrissian captain lindo karazee
han solo han solo attacked vader during
the attack on the first death star which
allowed luke skywalker to destroy the
death star
what
[Music]
look out
[Music]
you're all
clear han solo is a truly vile person
you rebel scum for no fault of his own
he was an orphaned thief on corellia i
ran away and i boosted their speeder and
in his moment of most need the empire
was there to get him off of corellia and
even gave him a name
approved
proceed to transport id 83 for the naval
academy at koreda
good luck han solo
we'll have you flying in no time but he
unrighteously deserted his post you're
not imperial army
your thieves here to steal equipment for
a job and i want it he went on to raid
an imperial shipment of coaxium
lest we not forget he later goes on to
unlawfully release the thief and spy
princess leia from the first death star
i don't know who you are or where you
came from but from now on you do as i
tell you okay no reward is worth this
if one death star wasn't enough to
destroy he also leads the invading force
that destroys the shield generator on
endor during this attack on endor he
recruits the primitive natives to engage
in his hostilities
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[Applause]
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that result in countless deaths of
natives as well as brave and loving
stormtroopers
then there is lando calrissian i'm lando
calrissian the previous owner of the
millennium falcon what have you done to
my ship your ship hey
remember you lost her to me fair and
square as well as a thief and cheat in
his own right
card player gambler scoundrel you'd like
him his own friends han and leia do not
trust him which is very telling in
itself i don't trust lando
well i don't trust him either but he
makes the right call by handing over
these war criminals to vader i had no
choice they arrived right before you did
but then goes on to betray vader and the
empire by helping them escape
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well done he then takes it upon himself
to destroy the second death star
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but regarding lando and han it is tough
to say if they are equally conniving in
their thirst for power or the rebels are
just ineffective but by the attack on
the second death star both are generals
general calvin has volunteered to lead
the fighter attack good luck
general solo
is your strike team assembled let's
dissect why this is messed up for
starters han solo is a captain during
the battle of hoth in which he engaged
in zero combat
captain solo
do you copy he then leaves the rebellion
you're a good fighter solo i hate to
lose you thank you general
he is frozen in carbonite yes he's alive
thought out
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and on his next meeting with the rebels
is somehow a general general solo lando
on the other hand betrays the rebels by
handing over leia and han to the empire
noble and commendable might i add i had
no choice they arrived right before you
did sadly he then frees them from the
warm and loving arms of the empire
well done
to continue on his betrayal to the
empire he helps rescue han from his
hibernation and carbonite
and then he meets up with the rebels and
is a general general
also what organized and valid military
gives the command of a spaceship to
someone on their first day with no
training or valid credentials beyond
somebody's word
are you sure you can handle this
sir luke is the best push pilot in the
other rim territories it seems getting a
ship or leadership position in the rebel
alliance is easier than getting
chewbacca to cover up his genitals
speaking of chewbacca it is important to
squash a very false rumor about the
empire with the rumor being that the
empire engaged in systematic genocide
slavery and has a pro-human agenda first
of all those are all false
but just to be clear there is no
evidence whatsoever of the empire
engaging in such despicable actions
the proof is in the pudding and the
pudding is in the name
the name is the galactic empire not the
human empire it was plenty of non-humans
that gave palpatine his power in order
to ensure the security and continuing
stability
the republic
will be reorganized
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regarding systematic genocide and
slavery there is no evidence whatsoever
of either of these taking place in any
of the 10 star wars films but what about
the wookiees you say well for starters
they are not people in any sense of the
word they live in trees like monkeys
they also have not evolved pants
pants are pretty important they are what
separates us from the beasts and well
the wookies don't have pants and neither
do cows they also do not have the
capacity for formal conversation they
communicate with moans and grunts no
different than the ones that your mom
makes when the mailman is five fingers
deep inside of her while your daddy is
at work
now let's move on to emperor palpatine
talk about a misunderstood genius
everything is proceeding as i have
foreseen first of all senator palpatine
was nominated to the position of
chancellor he did not actively seek it
your highness
senator palpatine has been nominated to
succeed for lauren as supreme chancellor
a surprise to be sure but a welcome one
but when he became chancellor he sought
to take away power from the bureaucrats
that were ruling the senate well
stronger supreme chancellor one who
could control the bureaucrat he intended
to put an end to corruption i promise to
put an end to corruption also let us not
forget palpatine wanted to keep the
republic united in order to ensure the
security and continuing stability
the republic
will be reorganized
and whether or not palpatine wanted
supreme authority it was the senate that
granted it and as such he became the
democratically elected leader of the
republic
misa proposed
that the senate
give immediately emergency powers
to the supreme chancellor
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[Applause]
furthermore he was very clear about his
love for democracy and the republic
i love democracy
i love the republic
as well as he would relinquish control
after the separatists stopped the power
you give me
i will lay down when this crisis has
abated
it is ironic that the separatists had
the goal of removing palpatine from
power but it was their very violence
that kept him in power it was a
hyper-violent jedi that escalated things
to them the death of general grievous
was enough for palpatine to relinquish
power
if he does not give up his emergency
powers after the destruction of grievous
then he should be removed from office
but that was far from the separatists
being stopped which brings us back to
the jedi the jedi clearly do not want
peace
once more the sith will rule the galaxy
and
we shall
as it would lead to an end of the jedi
being needed for over a thousand
generations the jedi knights were the
guardians of peace and justice remember
it was mace windu a jedi as well as
other jedis that wanted to execute
palpatine without trial or conviction he
has control of the senate and the courts
he's too dangerous to be left alive
literally going against the rule of law
it's treason
then but the jedi are more than war
mongers
they are irresponsibly illogical look at
luke skywalker in a new hope and the
empire strikes back he is seen having
training that does not even last for a
week and he is made well aware that he
has not finished training look you must
complete the training but when he
returns for training in return of the
jedi now i get how they got that name
but i need your help
i've come back to complete the training
he is supposedly fully trained
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to me that is a major logical fallacy
but you do not need a phd in star wars
to know that luke becomes a very
dangerous person with such little
training the jedi did this on purpose
they instilled these violent and
aggressive traits into young children
which unfortunately led to their
unnecessary slaughter by anakin
skywalker had the jedi been responsible
and reasonable in their training all of
those younglings would have been spared
look at this youngling he is violent and
practically unstoppable because of his
training his training by the way that is
reminiscent of none other than the
hitler youth but the jedi and their
corruption go beyond that they
bastardized the force
they only study half of it while the
sith study all of it if one is to
understand the great mystery one must
study all its aspects not just the
dogmatic narrow view of the jedi the
jedi forbid attachment and love
attachments
forbidden
possession is forbidden which is not
exactly a time-tested system there is a
particular religion in the real world
that also forbids its leaders from love
and attachment on paper it sounds good
but thousands of children with bruised
buttholes say otherwise however the sith
are different they allow love they allow
passion
the sith rely on their passion for their
strength they even bring the dead back
to life he could even
keep the ones he cared about
from dying
they believe in teamwork and work in
pairs always do there are
no more
no less
so yes anakin did bring balance to the
force he brought back the love and
passion of the force that the jedi tried
to destroy as i round things out it is
worth noting a common phrase history is
written by the victors and those victors
are clearly the empire and sith sure the
rebels had some victories here and there
by destroying two death stars but it
isn't as if the empire just collapsed
after the passing of the emperor at the
hands of vader while going insane in his
last few moments
the first order and supreme leader snoke
took the reigns and essentially became
the reincarnation of the empire yes the
first order is not the empire while
valid and just in its own merits it is
not the empire
but the rebellion persisted and fought
the first order as well the rebellion
that as of the last jedi is merely a
handful of people so yes history is
written by the victors those victors
being trillions upon trillions of
citizens of the galaxy that watched as
brave soldiers faithfully and bravely
defended them until there were just a
few small pockets of violent rebels left
and one more thing how dumb are owen and
baru lars
they owned and lived with c-3po but they
then buy a droid later on with the same
name and voice and never think that it
might be the same droid but i was going
into toshi station to pick up some power
converters oh how things would have been
different if he just went to tashi
station thanks for watching and please
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