I believe there are two types of people
in the world those that sing in the
shower and those that perform in the
shower and I am a performer I don't know
what it is about that small space with
the water running my shampoo bottle is
my microphone and my loofah singing
backup all I know is when I'm done I
want to start touring instead of
toweling now after the shower is out of
the way comes the really important part
choosing what to wear I stand in front
of my closet bursting at the seams and I
still have the thought I have nothing to
wear now usually this decision is made a
little bit easier for me because I work
as a registered nurse and we wear scrubs
to work with the big bold blocks of
colors that scrubs are sometimes the
decision feels more like what giant
Crayola crayon do I want to be today the
closet is just one of the areas in which
our stuff overwhelms us we wear 20% of
our clothing 80% of the time we live in
a time where with the click of a button
you can order something online and have
it arrive at your doorstep without even
leaving the couch abundance is the name
and spending is the game we have no
problem with gathering stuff but we have
a problem with using it and that's why
I'm here today at this point you get to
join me I'm gonna invite everybody to
raise one hand I won't make you do
anything crazy like those guys I'm gonna
ask a series of questions if you answer
yes to any of the questions I'm going to
invite you to lower your hand
do you have clothes in your closet with
tags on do you have clothes in your
closet you haven't worn in a year - you
have a candle in your house that has
never been lit do you have special
alcohol that you're saving for a special
occasion do you drive a luxury vehicle
that spends more time in the garage than
out on the open road finally do you have
dinnerware or China that you save for a
special location or guests if you find
your hands back in your lap you've
earned yourself ten more minutes of
listening to me I returned from a family
vacation in Mexico and I bought myself a
beautiful blue ornate candle I was so
excited to light it I returned home and
I thought today is not the day I'm gonna
save it for the right occasion
so I tucked it in my closet and I forgot
about it two years passed and I
remembered my candle and I thought today
is the day I'm gonna light it so I
pulled out my candle and I opened the
box and my beautiful blue candle had
turned into a big puddle of wax my
candle had melted now what struck me is
really strange about this was that my
candle had done exactly what it's
designed to do it's designed to melt but
it had done it without me
that's the day that I learned don't let
your candle melt in the closet after
telling one man this story he came up to
me after and he said my wife and I have
had candles in our house for 10 years
and they've never melted perhaps it's
your location not your loss that you
should be focusing on and I said I think
you might have missed my point there
all of the things that we gather have
one thing in common we decide that
they're special we have no problem with
cutting the tags off the sweatpants or
putting the IKEA cutlery and dinnerware
out it's the good China the expensive
Scotch the good suit
that's stay locked in the cupboard I
learned this on a new level one day when
I was out shopping and I overheard a man
complement the other man on his watch
and the man responded if you like this
one you should see the ones I don't wear
this sounded really strange to me until
the other man responded absolutely the
best ones never leave the box
now these watches tick
instead of melts but I could see their
batteries running low as their owners
wore their second-best watch saving the
best watch for another occasion I want
you to reflect on that item that made
you lower your hand when you think about
using it or when you go to use it what
is the feeling it evokes in you is it a
feeling of special of importance of
poise I learned recently when I don't
wear something it's because I decided
it's too nice
I was recently given a necklace it was a
bit nicer than the kind of necklace I
normally wear so I put it on and I
showed it to my sister and I said this
is too nice to wear everyday she looked
at me and she said it is really nice but
isn't your thing don't let the candle
melt in the closet she was using my
quote against me I get simple yes or no
would have done it struck me as soon as
I had elevated this necklace to be too
nice to wear every day it got moved into
my jewelry box and forgotten about
waiting for that special day this made
me really curious so instead of
gathering stuff I decided to gather
information and I learned that our
tendency as humans to stockpile stuff is
based on two mindsets I am not enough
and I don't have enough I'm gonna begin
with I don't have enough this is a
mindset that was ushered in by the Great
Depression and sold us the lie that by
gathering things around us we can
protect ourselves against hard times I
believe it's best summarized with a
quote by author Lynn twist she states
for me and for many of us our first
waking thought of the day is I didn't
get enough sleep this is quickly
followed by the thought I don't have
enough time whether true or not these
thoughts occur to us automatically
before we even think to pause or examine
them
end quote this mindset of I don't have
enough means that we live in houses
three times bigger than 50 years ago and
yet our garages are so filled with stuff
we can't park our cars in them the
second mindset is I am not enough I
already said we're excellent gathering
stuff we as a society love to shop and
when we're shopping we're looking for
those things that are missing in our
lives you don't have enough time buy
another power tool for that deck project
you don't have enough time for you
haven't lost the weight buy a pair of
pants that will look so much better when
you've lost that last 10 pounds and you
don't feel special or important buy a
pair of stilettos that make you feel so
good in front of the mirror but they
never leave the house when we're
shopping we're looking to fill our lives
with the things that are missing we
stand in the store and we convince
ourselves
I can become enough for these items but
something happens between the cash
register and our closets whatever
convinced us in the store that we could
become enough for these items
disappears we make room in the closet
and we make room in the garage and we
forget about them what if I told you
these items aren't just items they write
promises promises of someday when
these items dictate the milestones in
our lives we think to ourselves I'll
wear it when I'll light the candle when
I'll use it when you fill in the blank
when you make a partner when you lose
the weight when your life finally
matches your life on Pinterest the
mindset of I am not enough keeps our
clothes in our closets and the champagne
going flat in the bottle what if I told
you that someday when wasn't coming as I
told you I work as a registered nurse in
the emergency department in emerge we
see it all let me tell you when people
know he plans to come to emerge you
don't put it on your schedule and think
three o'clock coffee four o'clock emerge
five o'clock dinner you'll never get out
in an hour
when people come to emerge they don't
bring their special scotch they don't
wear their finest suit you come as you
are and everybody gets the same blue
cotton gown that looks terrible on
everybody I have to admit I use that
gown is a bit of a test with my patients
it's usually my first interaction and I
give everybody the same instructions put
on this gown take everything off the
gown opens to the back I pull back the
curtain after they've completed the task
and sometimes they've thrown it on like
a housecoat open to their front open to
the front with all of their clothes
still on sometimes they throw it on the
housecoat but without the clothes
underneath open to the front and a bit
of a surprise behind the curtain and
sometimes they put it on properly in
emergency change is our currency we see
it all the time sometimes it's good
change Bowens get put back into place
pain disappears with a powerful drug
called morphine answers are given to
questions those are the good days on the
hard days I'm reminded that life can
change in an instant
heart attack
stroke car crash from the vantage point
beside a hospital bed what's important
becomes very clear those excuses for why
you didn't light the candle didn't drink
the Scotch become very small you didn't
drive that car to the hospital and you
may never drive it again now people ask
me so your takeaway from working with
life and death is to use your stuff no
my takeaway from working with life and
death his life is what you make it so
make it one you enjoy I want to be
really clear on what this idea is it's a
mindset shift of viewing yourself as
enough to have and use your things it's
also a reminder you're in control of
your life so why not make it one that
counts I want to be really clear on what
this idea is not the four most annoying
letters of my generation Yolo you only
live once this is not an excuse to blow
the bank account go to Europe on credit
or buy that convertible you've been
eyeing you should be able to go home
today without stopping by the store and
look around your house and use your
things that candle that melted triggered
something in me I thought this might be
a candle but it represents so much more
I started to tell that story of my
candle to my friends and my family and I
didn't realize that it could make an
impact in other people's lives as well I
told the story to one friend and the
next time I was over at her house she
took me on a candle tour lit lit lit lit
Gillian I had waited a year to light
that candle you told me the story and I
let them all the next day another friend
pointed up at a beautiful pair of
stilettos on her shelf and she said
those beautiful buggers are from when I
booked my first speaking event she
texted me later that week and she said
I'm wearing the shoes no more melting
I started to see candles in my friend's
closet but they weren't in the shape of
a candle they were in the shape of
dresses that never seem to make it out
of the closet and so I decided to throw
a party and the rule for this party was
you have to wear the dress you have
nowhere else to wear the women are
nodding we all have a dress like this
it's a dress that whenever you go to get
dressed up it never makes the cut it's
too tight it's too bright it's too long
it's too short
whatever the excuse the excuses are up
and you have to wear this dress to this
event I think my favorite part of this
event we went to a restaurant and you
could tell that the patrons once we were
all gathered we're trying to figure out
what the theme of this party was is this
a terribly coordinated wedding party
this is Halloween come early what is up
with this group of girls I think the
thing that stood out the most was how
much fun we were having you see when you
put excuses on hold the other side of
that is joy confidence freedom all of
these characteristics that we had kept
hidden in our closet came out when you
said no more excuses today's the day
recently a man was talking to me about
when you're given a present that's
beautifully wrapped you know the kind
that they clearly went that extra mile
to wrap it beautifully do you put it on
your shelf without unwrapping it and
saying look how beautiful it is how
could I possibly unwrap it no because
you know the present on the inside is
even better than the wrapping I think
life gives us a present and it's called
today and we hold back from unwrapping
it and we give ourselves excuses and
make it feel okay but really what's on
the inside is what matters you might be
sitting there thinking I think it takes
more than wearing the clothes in my
closet or popping the champagne or
pulling out the good China but I would
say those small action
send a big message you're no longer
letting life slip or rather melt by my
challenge to you is whatever made you
lower your hand earlier in my talk I ask
that you use it within the next week
pull out that China for a random Tuesday
night open that Scotch take the car out
cut the tags off your clothes and don't
let your candle melt in the closet thank
you
[Applause]