you're under attack from me who's
protecting himself
from you and you're about to be
destroyed
except you got me on your side and on my
side
our discount amazon self-defense weapons
because when i think about self-defense
i think of bargains good value is where
i put my
life in and if i can get a discount on
ending someone else's life
you know i'm gonna take that chance so
what can amazon offer in terms
of self-defense well number one not guns
uh so what about non-lethality
you know for some people non-lethal
options are going to be the thing they
go for
instead of lethality
why occasionally you don't want to
maim the person that you're trying to
stop from attacking you
for one reason or another you just want
to
get the equivalent of a harshly worded
letter in the palm of your hand
and then deliver that immediately to the
skull of your attacker
self-defense is very important the
world's a dangerous place
so what better way to secure your
safety then with amazon amazon is coming
in every other part of our life
why not go with this one so i have here
a box
an amazon box that i've hopefully rubbed
out the address of but whatever
oh it's not
where was i did i have a sensible intro
the answer is no
but in case i didn't i'm going to
summarize
i bought on amazon all of the best
best rated and most affordable
self-defense items that i could find
so that can tell you what you need to
trust your life in because you never
know
the world is a dangerous place and you
could find yourself in a situation
where you had wished you watched this
video and remember
bookmark this video don't like it don't
subscribe ring the bell
bookmark it put it in your bookmark bar
i know that youtube premium has an
option to download videos but forget
that you can't count on that
you gotta keep your countessable
so you are in a dark alley you see
me coming at you really fast with anger
on my face
i don't want to paint this picture
because it makes me sound like a maniac
that's going to
attack people in a hallway so forget all
of that that i just said and go to
camera b
hi camera b this well there's nothing
right now
bit can you even see that zenframe this
is what is going to be a test dummy
because i could not test all these
things on myself
because number one that would hurt and
number two people might mistake me for
some kind of a masochist
which isn't true and would be ridiculous
for people to think about and i'm not
going to do that
so i paid a lot of money to
buy this dummy that is not assembled and
i think there's
[Music]
people might mistake me for some kind of
a masochist
i guess i should have built this
beforehand
it goes there okay okay okay we're
making
okay so if that goes there then
this goes right there
oh not yet miss you you
wake up oh god no ah let go
what the hell
okay um i
spent a lot of money on this thing
looks like i'm gonna get my money worth
out of it but in a different way ah
your name steve steve say hi
help all right so this went really
poorly right off the bat
i am not joking i can't get that off
i can't get steve off i just can't do it
i have a backup plan um
but it was really meant for a one-off
thing this is
tough guy inflatable
oh let me go down
[Music]
it's just like not letting me blow
enough
goddammit tough guy
you [ __ ] okay you know what
it's fine i'm gonna go back to steve
is that not working this goes through
this
too god damn it
[Music]
does this at least go in this is this
how this go
this is correct wow that goes down but
okay
i guess
okay all right it's fine it's done great
how long have we been
doing this now for this is dead
why no how long has this been dead for
is you gonna stay record why would you
turn off randomly
oh my god hey we ran into some technical
difficulties
you don't need to worry about a thing
everything's fine i'm happy
and i'm here to tell you all about
self-defense which is what i talked
about before
unless i didn't talk about it and then
it doesn't exist and everything is
topsy-turvy
and are we still rolling yeah we are
okay
good let's focus
the frustration and channel it
so that it can be outlet in a healthy
productive way
we have many tools with which
you can defend yourself and you know
what i was gonna save it
for the end but you know what i gotta go
firsties this
is a combination self-defense tool this
was gonna be the big mama jamba you know
me i like to bring out the big mama
jamba at the end
but i'm bringing the big mama jamba out
at the beginning i don't know why it's
got a
uh
well it done anymore it's got a keychain
hook this
this was supposed to dangle on your
keychain so you got your car keys and in
the end of it you got this
this is a big old beady bat i hate this
thing get off of here
this is a big old beady bot beady bat
you can
whump it you can whack it but in
addition to that
it's also a taser it
oh there my god it's also a taser
so i'm going to test this out on good
old bob
here and to see what kind of pain
this is going to prevent him from doing
to me oh no you ain't getting my wallet
today
[Music]
[Music]
and he's not dead he's been subdued
this was the most expensive self-defense
tool that i found besides just a
straight-up taser
and i feel like this is innocuous enough
that you could
hide this down your pants not that you'd
want to remember
it's taser so if you put it down your
pants you're gonna be in trouble
also apparently it's a flashlight it's a
flashlight
so big finish out of the way i shouldn't
drop that this feels like a bad idea
so we've all calmed down this is off
when it's on there's a light
a lot of things i was supposed to talk
about number one it's got
three switches you got flashlight mode
which is only half the switch it's a
very fiddly switch if you go onto
full-on
tase mode and then you turn off the
flashlight
like okay so you confirm who it is
you're like oh [ __ ]
go engage mode and then you're
they're gone i don't know how bad that
hurts i'm not gonna test it
don't play with this this is not a toy
this video is not about toys
this video is about very important self
defense so you can stay safe out in the
real dangerous world
with discounts from amazon
now the real reason for all of this
literally the only reason that i'm
making this video is because i saw
a video about this exact product
this is called a tactical
whip and you know
that i love tactical anything
and if it's a tactical whip then i'm
very
interested in seeing what kind of
tactical situations i could utilize
this device in
so
[Music]
we still recording everybody at home
should know that i am an absolute
professional and you should not try this
there is no reason for you to be playing
around with this
in your spare time other than preparing
for when you know that you're going to
need this
in a dangerous situation so this is a
tactical whip it can it has a nice
little belt clip it's got a little holdy
hand like a wiimote remote so that when
you're whapping or bowling
you don't lose it and break a tv or
someone's
eye it was uh pretty pricey but this is
a nice braided cable covered in a
plastic sleeve
ah it's so whip not very long but you
know
frankly if i had a long long whip i
might whip myself in my ass
so i'm not going to try to do that
because i like my ass the way it is
and i don't need it whipped for any
reason whatsoever
period no further discussion needed shut
up
but let's test this out and see what
steve thinks hey steve
oh you want to try round two of my
wallet taking business huh
well too bad [ __ ] how dare you
that does look like it hurt people might
mistake me for some kind
oh that ramps up in pain quick
[ __ ] ah go i'm gonna hit
myself ah i'm a professional the
professional self-defender
enter the whirlwind of pain all right so
it's basically a whip it's also got a
oh a rubber tip on it remove and then
use as a
eye gouging or if your car is going
under water break your windows so i
could
keep that right there it's called a
stinger because apparently
[ __ ] stings
it ramps up real quick in pain i would
rate this in terms of like
whap ability i kind of prefer the
reliable whap
of a solid stick or baton because it's
got a predictable whap
this has a little bit of
unpredictability to it
and if you're in the wild and you're
trying to ward off predators
or maybe attract a mate you know the
whip ability might actually be good for
you and kind of work in your favor
whereas this not only can i see them
i can really see them with the
flashlight i
know where the ark is going to be and i
know it's got bonus damage it's like
electrically enchanted weapon
that gives bonus electrical damage once
i hit them
this is just physical damage and that's
good but there's no like elemental
bonuses
he's probably not got a lot of
electrical resistance on him
so he's gonna take the full force of
that extra damage you know what i mean
you get i think i made my point so but
there are other ways to go about
life and defense so let's say for
example you're in the peculiar situation
of having too much money
and people are coming after you how do
you solve both problems
well i'll tell you with a weaponized
wallet now this may seem
like just a paddle to you but watch what
happens when you fold it up
oh [ __ ] it's my wallet so when you're
in the alley or in the park or in your
backyard
or wherever you are when you're getting
robbed and they ask you for your wallet
you go like oh [ __ ] i'll give you my
wallet
my wallet of pain refractive now imagine
i actually had some change in this
i don't because i don't carry coins for
some reason maybe i do
yes imagine these extra parts
these spare pieces are my money and
i put my money in the zippable pouch
here
of my wallet and then i zip that bad boy
up
so i've got a place for my spare change
you can finally
think that it's back in the day where
most currency exchanges aren't digital
anymore and you can have your physical
money on you
and you can bring the world of pain to
whoever wants to try to take it
oh steve what the hell back again [ __ ]
oh yeah yeah i'll give you my wallet
i'll get you right here
[Applause]
you [ __ ]
okay there's a bit of a bounce back
problem
yeah just
[Music]
okay that hurt a lot
and hurt him too but it's splash damage
okay this is compact so it gets i'm
going to rank these all in a few
categories we've got
ease of use speed of deployment
pain and then lethality
cost i'm not going to remember any of
those so i'm going to make them up as i
go on each time
as far as ease of use very easy you're
holding your web and it's got a bit of
weight to it so it goes back and forth
cost was cheap except for the amount of
money that you put into it it's kind of
one of those combo things the more money
you put in the more damage it does
however there's splash damage when i hit
bounces back newton's laws are a [ __ ]
and they happen here
every time and i cannot risk getting hit
why this ow it just happened there same
with the whip that could hit me too
this one ain't for you but if you got
too much money then you know what to do
with
maybe you could get a bunch of these and
use them as like a grenade and it'll
explode
take this [ __ ] i'll get you next time
okay
oh what is this what is this what's this
i don't know personal alarm
interesting are these charged
oh [ __ ] oh god oh my god oh my god shut
up
oh god oh my god so
ah these if you didn't know work uh
if you pull the pin like a grenade you
pull the pin
it goes off and it's very loud so
ease of use 10 out of 10. very easy
speed of deployment super
quick very fast it's very innocuous and
comes with a flashlight and i think it
was like
a buck if that so not too bad however
the the fact that it's just a little
pull like this is how much force this
takes to pull out
this isn't illustrating it but it's not
very much
it's it's like nothing that could fall
out if i spin it
okay i was lying okay i'm gonna imagine
a situation where i'm like
[Music]
what's that you want my money
let that be a lesson to you next time i
would you
say
i'm watching you i'm watching you
robbery successfully avoided easy 10 out
of 10.
the the hammock cinch
now if you want if you think markiplier
lore is complicated
look at this [ __ ] it's a combination
axe although i don't know what baby ass
tree you're gonna be chopping down with
this
axe blade this is not exactly what i
would call substantial
this is like not substantial
however if you're trying to
self-defenize yourself
this is not too bad but not great
also where it's additionally beneficial
is it's
also pliers so you can apply
things as you're chopping as you're
hammering
and it's got various
tool tips like a nail file and a
saw blade it's got this allen wrench
thing and a bottle opener it's got an
actual saw which would probably work
better than the axe
it's got a screw tip and a knife
what more could you ask for not much
because they
fit in everything they could usefulness
zero
i can never see a situation where i
would prefer to pull this out as opposed
to a real knife
or relax a real hammer or a real
screwdriver
but imagine yourself in a situation
where you
need all of those at once you're
faced up against freaking deck man he's
just a walking deck full of screws
full of nails full of like bolts and
[ __ ] and made of wood
and you can you need one thing to take
them down it's like a hypothetical
question of how are you gonna beat this
boss goku can't beat this thing superman
died from it but you armed with your
caught talks cardio
cardiacs multi-tools you saved the
universe
okay watch out thanos anyway it was like
30 bucks
i wouldn't i i wouldn't that's it's not
even a self-defense thing yeah i just
thought it was a cool multi-tool and
then i saw it in person and i was like
well that's pretty lame
want to look fashionable and deadly if
looks could kill
let's see and use any of these at our
best um
that was all i had this is a knife
now this may not seem like much but
imagine
that yeah oh no
oh jesus christ i'm gonna die this is
how i die
oh my god
oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god
oh my god i'm gonna die
i'm gonna die i'm gonna die
i'm gonna die i'm going to
die
okay
imagine knight is young and you're a
party animal and
fashionable because you got your
luscious
pink bracelet so that everyone around
you knows
that you're here for a good time unless
you're here for a bad time in which case
you are prepared
to deal out the damage
hey whoa it is party timing hey would
you say to me all right what's up a whoa
where's
why'd you bring a fish to up
oh my god watch why oh you you wanna you
wanna
fight man you wanna you wanna fight
you want to fight [ __ ] ah in your eye
in your eye ah nose
mouth gone oh you want another how did
you get this smile how'd you get these
scars oh
me that's why you're dead you know you
got metal spine there
this isn't very sharp it's actually not
cutting much at all but
but you're thinking about it try me next
time [ __ ] try
try you i hope you learned your your
lesson
help you i'm watching you okay so on a
on a realistic sense
the knife is tiny this is supposed to be
like
survival paracord that you could also
use but i don't see a way to undo the
knot so you just gotta cut it
and i doubt you're gonna cut it with
this because not very sharp
it's almost impossible to put on by
yourself i was terrified to take it off
by myself
there's just so much ease that it could
just cut your wrist i say
uh this is my first fail of the
self-defense
circuit all these could pass except for
maybe this but i could see a
world where maybe but the other ones
were solid passes you know totally
acceptable to prevent someone from
trying to rob you
th this you're gonna hurt yourself way
sooner than you hurt them not good at
all
um speed round this came in like a 10
pack
why i don't know not dildos not butt
plugs
unless you're gonna give them a butt
full of pain
it's literally a spike so remember how
this
whip has this spike on the back and it's
also got like a
a nice grip that's what this is except
instead of being you know for breaking
windows
this one's also for breaking souls i'm
about to run out of battery oh god
and i'm back so this is meant to hang
off your key chain
and hopefully you don't fall on it
falling on your keys before when they're
in your pocket this is going to be a
entirely different world of hurt but
upon successful
attack upon being attacked you will have
rapid deployment devices to go straight
for the eyes either i
[ __ ] [ __ ] i do you think i'll come
back for it again
i wish you would i dare you to do it you
would never come back
and he's gone so it's not exactly like a
knife
it's just a sharp point on a piece of
metal
which sounds a lot like a knife but not
but
you can rest assured if this comes at
you that's gonna hurt if someone tries
full force on this on you
it ain't gonna be fun you're gonna it's
gonna go in and you're not going to have
a good
time it was cheap portable
and pretty dissuaging
but then again you could also have the
tactical whip
which also has the point however you
there's very little chance of hurting
yourself with this
so long as you got a good grip on it and
it's got this loop you could put your
thumb through it but maybe you wouldn't
want to do it because it might
rip your thumb off for some reason but i
don't think so but so you got a good
grip on it
so long as you're doing a lot of this
action you know you should be okay
pretty good and finally
this bad boy you want to combine all the
best elements of everything that you had
before
all in an innocuous package that no one
would know
was actually some horribly deadly device
why not get the tactical pen
oh yes the world of tactics does not end
with mere whips
and shovels no no no there's such a
thing
as a tactical pen with flashlight
number one that's not a bad beam not
great but you know
you could see something like in a
computer if you were doing that sos
and it's also a pen
so you can actually write with it and in
addition to all that
wait no sorry it starts out as a pen
wait i've never used this i might be
mistaken
but how do what but
i feel like
tactical pen you get this it's the same
as the
but it's got a pen in it this sounded a
lot more exciting
when i saw it on the website
it was quite expensive um
but now i see it's
it's pretty much the same as is well
no one would suspect that you're gonna
sign your contract
with that thing they're going to think
you're going to attack you which would
make them
more reasonable to negotiations so it's
going to help you in a deal you always
got to be prepared in whatever situation
you have
so i was going to have the big mama
jamba at the end
but you know alas things went a little
awry
so unfortunately i have to say goodbye
now
i will be retiring from my review
channel
this was the last hurrah and uh it's
with a heavy heart that i have to say i
lied to you because it's not over yet
and it never will be
what is this you got this thing
ah it's like a hex thing but for some
reason people said it was a self-defense
thing and i think it's because you hold
it like
like like this and like like you know
just
you
it's like a brass knuckle but most of
your knuckles are hitting i think
it might just be a tool one last thing
this might be the greatest of all and
i'm not joking about that
um this is what you've probably seen
many like
videos about of people accidentally
hurting themselves with this
and i do not plan on adding myself
to the list this is
a collapsible
steph how do you do it
how do you do there's no instructions
how do you do it oh god i've seen people
i've seen this blast people's eyes many
times there's like a pen that looks like
a grenade here
it's all sparkly which i think is kind
of counter to the point but maybe we'll
dazzle them in the eye before they get
swapped in the what do i do what do i do
what do i do oh i'm so scared what do
you do
wasn't this supposed to be double-ended
it's
it's collapsible wasn't this the thing
that was double-ended
did i break it somehow did
as far as like a staff goes though
that's pretty impressive for what just
seems like wrapped
like thin metal oh but it's bending okay
never mind it's okay
it just goes to show that when it comes
to your self-defense
spare no expense this thing was cheap
a lot of these things i got at a
discount
probably don't buy the things that are
at a discount it turns out the thing
that was rather pricey i think at around
100 bucks
is probably the thing i would want on my
side if i had to dissuage
someone from attacking me so anyway stay
safe out there
i hope this was very informative and
helpful for you if it wasn't
then i've defeated the purpose of me
being a review channel
all that nonsense i was saying about
this video
being the last of my reviews was a lie i
never lie
except for that moment so you can rest
assured that everything that i say is
either the truth or
one lie so thank you everybody so much
for watching if you enjoyed this let me
know down in the comments below and
leave a like
why because it probably does something
and nobody really knows
and when it comes to your self-defense
not really what amazon's