I grew up in California in Orange County
and right around the tail end of high
school beginning of college I was
experimenting with drugs and I realized
specifically that opioids painkillers
made me feel a certain way that I'd
never felt before
you know and
it felt like it was something that I was
missing my whole life you know and it
was not very long from that point until
I was in now the full grip of an
addiction and you know that was that was
a solid a few years of my life until I
got sober I well I started trying to get
sober in about 2011 and it was still a
few years you know of really wanting to
get sober but not under estimating how
much effort that would take you know
and
I ended up getting sober three and a
half years ago and graduating from
college and getting work as a Content
writer and so it's been a very rewarding
but definitely a tough road I was doing
some community service I had got caught
buying alcohol with a fake ID when I was
like 19 or or so
and I remember it had been after a
stretch of using oxycodone and everyday
for a while and this one day I was I was
on the side of the freeway picking up
trash doing community service
and I realized that I just felt terrible
like flu symptoms and I simultaneously
realized hey this is the first time I
haven't used pills for a whole day for a
while
and my brain immediately drew the
connection and I said oh wow this is my
life now you know like this is this is
my ball and chain now and it was it was
that was a really scary moment you know
and and that fear of withdrawal was
something that became a massive hurdle
in my getting clean for the rest of my
time using because it's it's it's it's
extremely you know painful and and and
difficult to get through that now my
struggles look a little bit different I
struggle with relationships I struggle
with
uh work you know I struggle with money
sure I have cravings once in a while but
what that type of struggle looks like at
three and a half years sober is a lot
different than what that type of
struggle looks like at three days sober
or three months sober you know well I
went to a high school where drugs were
sort of around I don't know what the
other high schools in the area were like
or
but I always had a pretty easy time
finding other people that were
experimenting with drugs and you know in
the high school and early college times
it was there was still a sense of
innocence a little bit about it where I
maybe didn't realize how serious the
things that I was experimenting with
were and
it it was it was quite a while after
that of you know meeting people that
were serious drug dealers getting
connections from other dealers or other
people that used and it was sort of a
road from that to going online to try
and find it
I first heard about Craigslist because I
saw it on the news that there was people
selling drugs on Craigslist and my
immediate thought was wow that's a
really dumb thing to do who would put
their information out like that not even
encrypted with no no sort of privacy or
protection against you know law
enforcement and stuff
but you know the thing about opioids and
another drug similar to it is that
once you get addicted you can't really
stop so if your supply runs out you're
gonna start getting real creative out
ways to find your fix and that's sort of
what it took for me was not not being
able to find it through my traditional
means of you my usual dealer or going to
downtown LA or you know finding it the
way that I usually could and starting to
get sick and thinking
well you know now that I now that I feel
you know absolutely terrible maybe that
Craigslist thing doesn't look so bad and
you just get desperate enough to want to
try it and
you know the way it really gets its
hooks in you specifically this issue is
that it's a it's a matter of extreme
convenience you know it's it's totally
anonymous you don't need to know
anything about these people they don't
need to know anything about you you
respond to an ad online and you and you
pick up whatever drug it is that you're
looking for and that that was one thing
that made it incredibly hard to walk
away from - was knowing how easy it
could be to get that fix again there was
not one time where I went to buy or sell
drugs with with someone that I met on a
Craigslist ad and there and and drove to
it without thinking in half an hour from
now I could be
getting high and feeling great or a
sheriff could be walking me through the
front door of county jail
you know it felt it really felt like a
50/50 shot every time I did it and that
also speaks to the desperation of the
addict
of what you're willing to do when you're
in that place of
you know absolute dependence
and you'll do you know whatever even
even risk the rest to get what you feel
like you need and so anytime I was
selling something on Craigslist I tried
to be as subtle as possible to disguise
words to use slang to give as little
information as possible
obviously never give your name or
location but you know I truly think that
if there was any law enforcement at any
time that really wanted to find someone
selling on Craigslist they could find
them there's no amount of disguising
your name or you know hiding your
location that that they can't get around
but
the thing about the thing about this
stuff too is that especially when I was
selling it's only something you need to
worry about for maybe a couple hours
because the second you put that ad up
online hey I've got X amount of whatever
people are immediately getting in touch
with you and you're sold out of it
pretty quick and then you can just
delete the ad and act like nothing ever
happened I don't think that this I don't
think Craigslist is the problem I think
Craigslist is a symptom of the problem
because
you know it's it's like it's like that
myth of the Hydra the multi-headed
dragon it's like once you've cut off one
head then the other one grows back so
you know maybe maybe we can get good
monitoring of Craigslist and get good at
law enforcement involvement on
Craigslist and people stop using
Craigslist as a way to get illegal drugs
and potentially hurt themselves but what
about snapchat what about whatsapp what
about Facebook message you know or any a
number of other places that could pop up
and potentially be an option for these
people you know that's the big problem
to me what do I think the fix is well
you know it's it's really hard to say
because we've never really faced
anything quite like what we're facing
right now and we can see it on smaller
skills in countries like the Netherlands
where they have great harm reduction and
decriminalization programs I believe in
in Holland it's called the rainbow
clinic where you can just go get a fix
of heroin and they'll shoot you up and I
think the Netherlands has like 25
million people and something like 10,000
heroin addicts which is pretty good
numbers compared to a city like
Baltimore here in the United States
which last time I checked the CDC
numbers had a population of like under
700,000 and close to 60,000 addicts so
that's like 10% you know so I would like
to think that some type of harm
reduction or
decriminalization method of rather than
criminalizing the addict and chasing
them into alleys and putting handcuffs
on them maybe we can like get the
mountain to the open and talk to them
about
what's a way to move forward and and and
rather than giving this to the cartels
and the black-market we bring it out in
the open and we try to find a viable
method of counseling and whatever else
we can do to help these people rather
than treat them like criminals I mean
it's hard to say it's it's hard to say
where anything's going with the internet
because I think there isn't any one
among us that's not surprised with how
far it's come and and what's changed I
don't see what one thing I don't see is
I don't see law enforcement suddenly
getting involved and getting everything
under control you know I mean here like
I moved to Salt Lake City and Craigslist
isn't really used here they have like
the ksl
classifieds which I think that they have
a little bit of an easier time
moderating and keeping it from getting
out of hand so maybe that's that's the
solution is treating this at a local
level rather than trying to get a whole
big entity like Craigslist or Facebook
or snapchat to control the problem it's
hard to say though certainly I think
it's it's it's something that we should
be putting resources towards because
I've heard entirely too many stories
about people overdosing and dying and
then their family member looks on their
phone and realized that they had just
bought whatever they had purchased you
know online and it seems so preventable
it seems like something that we could so
easily intervene and help with and in
many cases I think it's it's just
ignorant that causes it to not be acted
on so
yeah absolutely I think it's something
that that would be good to devote
resources to because
you know this is this is here this is
something that's going to stay I don't
think this is a phase I don't think this
is something that's going to go out of
style and people are just gonna stop
doing you know it seems like something
that's only increased in in the years
that it's been going on it was a higher
ultimatum for myself than just buying or
selling it was it was that if I don't
stop using I'm going to die and and that
was evidenced by you know the 13 or so
friends that I've seen die from this and
and the stories I read about it every
day and just seeing where my life was
going ending ending up and Rehab ending
up in jail losing jobs getting in the
car accidents you know just utter chaos
and misery and and really knowing that
the way that I was trying to go about
changing or fixing my life wasn't
working and that it was it was really
time to
give up and try something else
I mean I was caught doing other things
and I think that
certain extent that type of punishment
can definitely be a motivator for
someone to stay out of trouble and I
think that you can change your life from
getting arrested but I think in most
cases long-term sobriety has to come
from a more personal place than that
it's you're probably not gonna stay
sober your whole life just out of fear
you probably need to address some more
intimate personal problems that you have
with yourself in order to really keep
and enjoy long-term sobriety you know I
talked to a US Army veteran one time and
he was telling me about how at that time
you know there was a lot of heroin
coming from Afghanistan and there is
troops dying over there and
and there's a clear connection you know
and
thinking about the fact that like I'm
over here shooting up while these guys
are trying to die or dart are dying to
defend my rights
that that really hurt me you know and
and seeing seeing people pass I went to
the funeral of a 19 year old friend that
overdosed a couple years ago and it was
like he he never had a chance to really
live his life you know he went to high
school he graduated
and he that was pretty much it and
knowing people like that and meeting the
parents of people like that I think
really really changes your perspective
and
and and maybe money isn't the most
important thing in the world if if
you're making good money selling drugs
then maybe you're satisfying that but
what else are you putting into the world
that that maybe you don't see
I think the momentum of the process is
what keeps you going because the longer
you stay sober more better honest
relationships you have the more
opportunities you get at work because
you're working harder and you're being
honest and you're being accountable the
more fun you have so a lot of things I
mean my life has changed pretty
dramatically since getting sober I moved
to Utah I bought a house I have a good
job I have a couple cats and a
girlfriend and and I have a great life
and definitely these are not things that
I would have if I was still using so I
think all of that keeps me going