Raleigh is next North Carolina Debbie's
calling hi Debbie welcome to the Dave
Ramsey show okay all right how can I
help
well I have a question my parents are in
their 70s and they sent a letter to my
sister and my brother and I just a month
ago and asked us to get out of their
home
they oh like 120,000 on their house
that's worth 350 and they want to spend
they don't have any retirement savings
and so they want to spend the money to
go out to eat to golf and to take day
trips because they have no savings and
they have no money and we're not really
sure what to do they have my dad was a
dentist he made good money they've had
all their retirement things that they
have like buildings office buildings my
dad's practice that they sold they've
spent all their money what happens when
they run out of this money well that's
it that's what my brother and sister and
my sisters take in your class and my
brother I think has to and so they were
they were offering to pay for them to go
to your class because it's offered at
their church but my parents aren't real
hip about that and my now they're
telling us if that we don't buy them out
of their house they're gonna get a
reverse mortgage well I mean I can do
whatever they want I guess they're
adults that's stupid but they're and
they're not gonna hardly get any money
out of it because they're not gonna give
them a reverse mortgage over 60 percent
at 70 years old the the way the
actuarial tables work with a reverse
mortgage they're gonna get almost
nothing out of that so that's not gonna
work and reverse mortgages are crashing
all around us so they're going to lose
their homes what they're gonna do so
here's the thing the way I look at this
is you're telling me you said it that
your parents are misbehaving with money
they're bad at handling money they're
being immature and they're spending
money they've already gone through a big
pile of it and this little pile of you
guys bought them outs not gonna last
much longer
no they're they're headed to the wall
with their foot on the accelerator
that's what you're telling me you think
that can we do it's terrible yeah that's
what you think I agree with you by the
way but that's what you have come to the
conclusion but and your brother and
sister too before you called me and so
the question is do we participate in
their harm because to participate in
their misbehavior is to participate in
bringing harm to them it's the old
saying do you buy a drunk a drink well
he'll feel better for the night because
he don't feel real good right now he's
got the DTS right but you give him a
drink you'll feel better right now but
did you help him well for the short term
yeah but for the long term you really
brought harm to him because you
participated in his disease you follow
me
right and that's the thing here that's
what your mother sisters are saying I
don't want to participate in their
disease because I love my mom and dad
and so the loving thing to do is to bow
up and say we love you so much we're not
gonna participate in your insanity
because the way you guys are living
you're not gonna make it you're gonna
end up homeless and threatening me with
you taking out a reverse mortgage that's
not a threat to me that's like oh if you
don't do what I say I'm gonna hit myself
in the nose what that's like a kid's
gonna hold their breath while they turn
blue and pass out you know if you don't
do what I say mommy I'm gonna hold my
breath why I've had it Bob you'll pass
out and start breathing again I didn't
wanna do that one does great I want to
say which one but you know that's all
this is and so that's you know if you
don't yeah I'm gonna do something even
dumber if you don't do my dumb deal and
so know Mom and Dad we love you too much
and you know we're really sad for you
we're concerned for you we think this
cocaine addiction you have is a bad
thing you know although it's not a
cocaine addiction
you shouldn't saying no it's I think
this thing you're doing and we're not
judging you but you asked us to
participate in what we think is
unhealthy behavior so we're not going to
we might help you with some money here
or there we might help you with some
solutions it's
going to involve you continuing on the
same track you're on and so Financial
Peace University is in your future if
you want my help because I want you to
win I'm not gonna participate in your
harm that's what enable errs do and I'm
not an enabler I love you too much to
enable your bad behavior hey guys thanks
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