How to not expect the worst
Catastrophizing and How to Stop Expecting the Worst: Depression and Anxiety Skill #7
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Catastrophizing is a common cognitive distortion. It's basically expecting the worst. Calling every
setback a disaster, and imagining all future outcomes as being horrible. So for example,
you worried that you're gonna fail a test, and then you imagine what would
happen if you do fail. You're gonna fail out of school, and end up working at McDonald's,
and never have success in life, and die homeless on the street. Now catastrophizing is taking a
genuinely difficult situation and interpreting it as being horrible, terrible, and unrecoverable.
We all know that person who when they get a B on a test wailed I'm failing math class. We trick
ourselves into believing that if we expect the worst we can prevent it, but in reality usually
the exact opposite happens. Seeing the worst often invites the worst. Not only do we cut ourselves
off from opportunities, but we invite the exact problems we were hoping to avoid. If we go into a
conversation expecting the other to get defensive we often lead off by being harsher or more rigid,
inviting the other person to get defensive. If you expect that your crush will reject you if you ask
him out, and then you don't ask him out you end up alone on the weekend. Catastrophizing messes
us up because it makes us anxious, depressed, and unmotivated. So if catastrophizing is so harmful
why do we do it? Well it secretly serves two dysfunctional functions. Number one, to protect us
from uncertainty. We try to prevent disappointment by expecting the worst. And number two, sometimes
it's a misguided attempt to motivate ourselves through fear. But fear is never a sustainable
source of motivation. It always undermines us in the end. So if catastrophizing is so harmful,
how do we stop doing it? Here are three steps. Number one, notice. Write down what it looks like
when you catastrophize. What are the words you use? So for example words like never, terrible,
fail, rejected, awkward, horrible, etc. And notice what are the situations you tend to catastrophize
about? You could ask a friend or a family member to point it out to you. And number two,
challenge those thoughts. Just because you think it doesn't mean it's true. So learn to notice and
gently question your thoughts. You don't have to believe everything that you think. And step three,
replace those thoughts with something more helpful. So for example, oh no I am such an
idiot I already made a mistake on this report I'm never gonna finish it or if I do it it will
be so flawed that it won't matter I'm gonna get fired no matter what. Ok wait that's not true,
everybody makes mistakes. I'm only human, I'll fix this mistake and if I need to ask for help I can
but I'm just gonna keep working hard and try to be more careful in the future. Nobody's gonna fire me
for a mistake or two in a report. This approach requires us to stay engaged, even when there's a
risk of things not going perfectly. This is called vulnerability. The potential for success, and also
for getting hurt. But the only alternative is to guarantee failure by cutting yourself off before
you even try. As you let go of catastrophizing, you'll come to wholeheartedly embrace life,
your goals, and your values. And you'll get better at living with some risk and you'll be rewarded
with good things happening to you all the time. This video is a tiny version of my more in depth
video on catastrophizing. That videos got stories, more examples, and a three-step process to replace
the dysfunctional function of catastrophizing. So if you want to dive, in check out the link in
the description below. Now this is all part of my course on udemy.com, on rewiring the anxious
brain, so if you want an in depth look at how to overcome anxiety there's a link to that too.
Please share this video because you never know who might need it, thanks for watching, and take care.
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