How to know if an open relationship is right for you
7 Signs That Non Monogamy or an Open Relationship Might be Right for You
Timecodes:
roses are red and violets are blue here
are some ways to know if non-monogamy is
for you
my name is madison and i'm also known as
sugar and i'm one of the hosts of the
top-rated sexuality podcast [ __ ] talk
before i started my sexual liberation
journey i was in a heterosexual
monogamous marriage and after having all
the conversations with my partner we
actually turned our whole relationship
style inside out and i'm happy and
grateful to report that we have been in
an ethical non-monogamous marriage ever
since
so it is possible that you may be in a
similar situation i was in or maybe
you're single and you're considering
non-monogamy with your next partner or
partners and i just want you to know
that i have your back and what i'm going
to cover in this video is going to help
you gain the clarity you need to proceed
or not to proceed with non-monogamy
welcome to [ __ ] talk summer school a
month-long series that we are doing to
help our listeners increase libidos
cultivate sexual confidence and deepen
intimacy in all relationships including
yourself so that your sex and
communication is on [ __ ] fire this
summer each week we are going to give
you a taste of our sex and empowerment
signature master class by sharing one of
our favorite and most powerful
distinctions pleasure parameters
each week we will introduce you to a new
pleasure parameter and share simple ways
to have these powerful tools thrive in
your life so this week our pleasure
parameter is drumroll
the please
body [ __ ] yes
and inside of our program we define the
full body [ __ ] yes as prioritizing your
needs and practicing self-care without
feeling guilty
so in this video we're going to explore
how relationship styles vary just like
the diversity amongst people on our
planet monogamy is not the only way it
is certainly one way
but today we're going to explore why you
actually might not be as monogamous as
you think and why non-monogamy might be
for you
so let's talk about some
fundamental truths
we're all a little non-monogamous okay
maybe that's not a fact that's just my
truth however the book sex at dawn how
we meet and why we stray challenges the
true sexual nature of humanity and
evolution of human sexuality prior to
the agricultural revolution
when sex at dawn in dan savage said this
that sex at dawn is the single most
important book about human sexuality
since alfred kinsey
unleashed sexual behavior in the human
mail on the american public in 1948 so
this book is the [ __ ] if you're
considering non-monogamy definitely at
least listen to the audio of this book
so if you if you don't already know
that you're non-monogamous well
experience really is the greatest
teacher for that sometimes you have to
lean in and
try something to know if it's for you
so a lot of this might seem conceptual
and i would say recommend actually going
out and having a non-monogamous
exploration to really know uh where
you're at with it
so if you want to thrive in a
non-monogamous relationship you need to
become a master at prioritizing your
needs and practicing self-care without
feeling guilty you need to master the
full body [ __ ] yes you need to be able
to listen to your body to determine your
yeses and your nose and what we're
really looking for here when exploring
is what we call this full body [ __ ] yes
and we like to say if it's not a [ __ ]
yes it's a no or at least a no for right
now so at the end of this video i am
going to share with you a very powerful
tool that we use in our sex and
empowerment signature master class it's
a checklist and it is meant to get your
spidey sex senses spinning so you can
begin to discover your full body [ __ ]
yes [ __ ] nose or turn ons that can be an
edge so that's a technical term what is
an edge an edge is something that you
may have wanted to try for a really long
time
and maybe you never even thought about
trying it but it simultaneously makes
you super turned on and excited while
also perhaps a little cautious or
nervous and edges is that which when you
do it you are left in an expanded state
much like after a climax so doing this
checklist is an opportunity to tune into
your body and listen to what your body
has to say
all right the moment you've been waiting
for
i'm gonna go through
seven ways to know if you're
non-monogamous so number one
you love love and you love loving people
you know for you relationships are are
like a hobby
and being affectionate towards
others comes very easily to you
number two
you crush on other people outside of
your current partner or the person that
you're dating and this is one of the
ways to know if you're non-monogamous
because this really demonstrates your
capacity for
love so if you are crushing on someone
and you're in a relationship don't write
it off it might actually mean that you
are non-monogamous and you want to
explore those feelings that come up with
other people
all right number
three
you
thoroughly enjoy communicating you love
talking about feelings the thought of
becoming an extraordinary communicator
with your partner or partners sounds
really fun and fascinating and these are
some signs that you might be
non-monogamous because
being non-monogamous requires a lot of
communication and it can be overwhelming
to some people so if you're a talker and
you love to talk about all the things
chances are you could be non-monogamous
number four
you're in a relationship where one
person is introverted but the other
person is extroverted
so we're big fans of doctor chef and dr
chef talks about
introverts in a really unique way and
how if you're with someone who's an
introvert it actually could be a great
uh premise for a non-monogamous
relationship because
if someone does in the relationship does
like a lot of alone time then the person
who is non-monogamous
uh when they have plans the other person
might be like yay i get to be alone and
have me time i've been really wanting
this
right so
in order to decide if you fall in this
category um
one of the suggestions is to really hone
in on your attitude towards spending
time alone so if you are one of those
people who's like yay i get to hang out
by myself
i'm not like that but some people are
it is
uh
probably a great opportunity to explore
having conversations with your partner
um to create a non-monogamous
relationship style
all right number five where are all my
sharers at
non-monogamy is for you if you love to
share in general
and
if you don't like to share chances are
you're probably monogamous because when
you are non-monogamous you really are
sharing your partner or partners
and so the idea of uh being turned on by
sharing your partner and getting joy
from your partner's joy
these are huge indications that you're
non-monogamous
[Laughter]
number six
you
welcome challenging emotions and you
don't really get jealous thoughts or
feelings about your partner being with
anyone
so if you
welcome challenging emotions you're okay
with talking about your feelings or
listening to other people's feelings you
would make for a great candidate for
non-monogamy and even if you do get
jealous i know as a non-monogamous
married woman sometimes i do get jealous
but i find that it's usually only when a
certain need isn't met i don't actually
get jealous of my partner being with
other partners unless
my cup isn't full so i just want to say
just because you get jealous doesn't
actually mean you might not be
non-monogamous it actually might mean
that you have some needs and with those
needs being met that would eliminate
your jealousy which would then inspire
you to pursue non-monogamy
[Music]
all right number seven the last one
you've been waiting for
are you ready
all right you are not
bothered by your partner being with
somebody else and actually your ideal
relationship does involve multiple
partners
okay so if you're like this you could
see yourself being with someone else
but not
my partner then you probably don't want
uh non-monogamy uh this forewarn you
okay if you if you really don't like
this idea you probably aren't monogamous
but if the idea of your partner being
with someone really doesn't
bother you and you do want to maybe have
a threesome here and there or you want
to date someone on the side sometimes
i'm sorry babe but you're a
non-monogamous
and you would be a great candidate for
non-monogamy and we have an incredible
community of sex positive pleasure
seekers who are thriving in their
newly created relationship styles
all right so i want to go through some
examples of
what being non-monogamous could look
like so you could be
somewhere on the scale okay let's just
let's just make a scale
and over here we have
just as non-monogamous as it could get
you know you're just you're dating all
sorts of people you don't even need to
talk to your partner
you're just free as a bird right
and then
let's say on this side of the scale
we've got you know you're you're in a
relationship but maybe once a year you
want to go to a sex party or have a wild
threesome right and any and everything
between
counts
so what this could look like for you is
you could
have an agreement to date other people
you could have an agreement to uh date
friends that are non-monogamous so
swinging could be an option for you
going to the occasional sex party or
play party could be for you
also maybe
going on a dating app and finding
someone to bring in for some group sex
for a threesome experience perhaps
there is so many ways to express being
non-monogamous and there is no right way
and just because you're non-monogamous
one way for a certain season doesn't
mean that that's the precedent now
moving forward i know for me in my
relationship over the past five years of
being non-monogamous not one season
has ever looked the same it has been
fluid as our desires evolve as life's
circumstances change there's been times
where we've been really active and we
have like a play party every weekend or
orgies planned every weekend and then
a lot of this year actually leading up
until this summer
so we were like dormant like there was
no group sex i wasn't really dating
anymore my partner wasn't dating anybody
we like took a little sabbatical
so
we can change and just because we open
pandora's box to nominate as long as you
are having the conversations with your
partner ongoingly about your desires
your needs your boundaries you are going
to have a successful experience
but it really does require a high level
of communication and being willing to
communicate
is the first part of getting into
non-monogamy so i really recommend
before you
start planning any sort of uh
non-monogamous activities to really dive
in and have conversations with your
partner and our checklist is a great way
to break the ice and begin to have these
exploratory conversations with your
partners you know on the checklist
there's an example in there of like
having an orgy well how great would it
be if you could sit with your partner
and actually say hey
is this a [ __ ] yes for you is this a
[ __ ] no for you is this an edge like
does the idea of it turn you on but
you're kind of like
and it makes such a difference when we
just slow down and make the time to have
conversations about it
so before you start your non-monogamous
journey if you really after watching
this video you're like oh my god [ __ ]
i see myself in sugar i'm non-monogamous
oh my god what do i do now
the next step is to start having the
conversations don't jump right into
anything just because you're pondering
it doesn't mean you mean you need to act
on it tomorrow
so
i'm so excited to hear from you all
please chat in the comments
tell me did this my video make a
difference for you
did you discover that you're actually
non-monogamous did you discover wait
i am actually definitely monogamous i
want to know where you're at so post in
the comments below and also definitely
click the links in the caption to access
the checklist we've got a couple of
other goodies in there for you that you
can download for free
all right see you next time
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