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3 Mindset Shifts To STOP Relationship Anxiety

hey this is Clayton and in this video

I'm going to talk about relationship

anxiety and I'm gonna give you three

mindsets three mindset shifts that you

can use to overcome insecurities in a

relationship so I was working with a

client not too long ago and one of the

reoccurring fears that kept coming up in

all of our relationships over and over

again was when is he gonna leave me does

he still love me is does he still desire

me and you know this is a very common

question not only among women but also

among guys as well a lot of people that

I've seen have the same question that

comes up I mean I've had this come up in

my relationships and it's this worry

that your partner at some point is gonna

rip the rug out from underneath you and

suddenly just leave you high and dry and

you're gonna be left all alone

and having to fend for yourself now when

we got deeper into what specifically was

happening in this woman's mind to

understand how she was creating these

fears we saw that they are coming from

specific questions and those specific

questions were things like I'm not me if

I gain some weight is he gonna leave me

I'm not able to compete with him

logically he's a lot smarter than me

maybe he wants a smarter woman maybe he

wants someone who is younger and then on

the guy side of things there's questions

around yeah do I make enough money is

she gonna leave me for some guy that's

got bigger muscles or is better-looking

than me or cooler than me and what all

of these questions point to what they

all have in common is that they're

focused on the idea that their value in

a relationship comes from something

outside of themselves something that

they're eat that they either have or

something that they're doing in the

world and the problem with that is that

whatever you are doing or whatever you

have you will probably lose at some

point I mean it's just natural over the

course of our life that look your looks

are going to fade money might come in

and then you might not have money

at some point you might get laid off or

fired from a job right you might end up

getting pregnant and gaining some weight

and losing your figure and having to get

it back and see if your value in a

relationship is based on these things

that you're either doing or having you

will always feel insecure so I've got a

better idea I've got a better idea from

which you can source your power from

your relationship value when you're with

a partner and these are the three


the first one is to stop competing with

whoever you're with and stop competing

with everyone around you to determine

where you stand in terms of your value

in this world so how do people compete

with their partner well I know some

people think that they need to be a

smartass or partner or some people think

that they have to make as much money as

their partner or that they have to be as

good-looking as our partner and although

these are bit superficial and maybe have

a little bit to do with attraction when

it comes down to actually creating deep

intimacy and a deep bond with the other

person it's how you complement them that

really matters it's what are you

bringing to the table in terms of your

essence that is a compliment or a

reciprocal to theirs and this is where

understanding sexual polarities really

come into play and can give you a

different lens to look at relationships

through that will rid some of this

insecurities so this guy David data who

is a tantric author has this quote I'm

going to read it right now

he says masculine and feminine aspects

exist in all beings for the real passion

to occur there needs to be a ravisher

and a ravish a sexual attraction is

based on sexual polarity all natural

forces flow between two poles the North

Pole and the South Pole these create the

force of magnetism the positive and

negative poles on a battery create the

electrical flow the masculine and

feminine poles between people create a

flow of sexual energy and motion so what

I believe this quote speaks to is

recognizing the inherent differences of

you being a man and then being a woman

or vice versa

and the that the differences are what

actually bring you together so you don't

have to be as smart as your partner you

don't have to make as much money of them

you don't have to be as good-looking as

them either because it's your

differences that create the glue and

that create the the fabric that that

weave the two of you together so when

you understand sexual polarities in this

way you can begin to see that there is a

way of being in the relationship that

will ultimately keep the two of you

together which is how can you be the

reciprocal to what they bring to the

table if you are a masculine man your

drive your ambition your logic your

direction is going to be inherently sexy

and attractive to a woman who is rooted

in her feminine a woman that is

receptive that is open that is spent

beautifying spends her time beautifying

in the world and again these polarities

are not specific to a gender a woman can

embody masculine qualities a no man can

embody feminine qualities

okay so the second mindset shift is to

understand that you have a sacred place

in your partner's life and to truly get

to get connected to the reality of that

that there are things that you see and

there's a space that you occupy in this

person's life that their friends don't

occupy that their family doesn't occupy

their co-workers that their boss don't

occupy and because of that there is

something very special and unique that

you can give to your partner and what is

that well I think it's the way that you

are able to listen and see them and see

when you realize that because you are

psychologically close to this person

there is a view and a perspective that

you have on them where you are able to

see the places where they're weak you

are able to see the places of them that

need development or need support or

where they need some strength to believe

in themselves and because you are that

close you have the opportunity to give

that to them and that is absolutely

priceless because you're the only person

that can really do that for them and

vice versa

and see when you pay attention to the

listening of the type of listening you

bring to the conversation and rather

than listening for things like am i good

enough am i attractive enough in the

relationship are they going to leave me

if you start asking questions like what

is it that they need in order to become

their best self what can I bring to the

relationship as an offering that will

soothe a deep anxiety that they have

about life who can I be in this

relationship that complements them and

allows me to feel secure in the

relationship and allows them to feel

secure in the relationship right so the

relationship in this mindset shift

becomes something a platform that you

can bring something to rather than get

validation and acceptance from right you

can be the one that's giving that rather

than asking questions to receive that

the third mindset shift and this might

be the most important one and that is to

continue to grow and work on yourself

while you are with that other person a

lot of insecurity in relationship comes

up because somebody gets comfortable and

they stop going to the gym they stop

reading they get lazy they stop doing

things to continue to be their best self

maybe they end up just watching reruns

of lost or some Netflix special over and

over again and while they're in the

relationship they feel like you know

they've got the other person and there's

no way that person would leave them and

what happens is that person who's no

longer growing becomes this weight in

the relationship and they the other

person might suddenly feel like they're

being held back so when you are able to

focus on yourself within the

relationship and continue to love and

give you've got to have something to

give right and what you can give is your

best self so continue working out

continue reading and learning and

understanding yourself more deeply

understanding relationships I mean even

watching these videos and looking around

online for more information to expand

your perspective of what's possible and

how to get through certain issues that's

growth that's a great step in the right

direction and the more you learn the

more you can bring to the relationship

with new perspectives that will help

your partner grow and they can do that

as well so those are the three mindset

shifts the first one is understanding

sexual polarities understanding that

there is power in the differences

there's power in you understanding what

it is to play with in the masculine and

the feminine territory with your partner

and that you being different is

something that brings tremendous amount

of value to your partner the second

mindset shift is to understand the value

that you bring just by virtue of being

so close to them both psychologically

and physically and that through your

list name there is the opportunity to

reflect back to them the parts of

themselves that they really need to

see to expand and become greater people

in life and number three work on

yourself work on yourself continue to

work on yourself continue to grow get a

coach read psychology work on your

finances work on your health continue to

grow and expand and in doing that you

will always feel like there's this base

that you've got this base of security

that you've built within yourself and

when you have that you can bring that to

the relationship and that silence is all

of the questions around whether or not

they're going to leave you around

whether or not you're good enough

because now you've answered those

questions and you don't have to ask them

anymore you can start asking new

questions that empower you to be your

best self in the relationship thanks for

watching and if you like this video

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I've got a PDF on there for you that is

around 8 secrets to create a great

relationship but I think you'll enjoy

and if you have a question feel free to

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email thanks