ptsd
stands for post-traumatic stress
disorder
a condition officially recognized in
1980 to describe exposure to a
relatively
brief but devastating event typically a
war
a rape an accident or a terrorist
incident
complex ptsd recognized in 1994
describes exposure to something equally
devastating
but over a very long time normally the
first 15 years of life
emotional neglect humiliation bullying
disrupted attachment violence and anger
a lot of us as many as 20 percent are
wandering the world
as undiagnosed sufferers of complex
ptsd we know that all isn't well
but we don't have a term to capture the
problem we don't connect
up our ailments and we have no clue who
to seek out or
what sort of treatment might help so
here are 12
leading symptoms of complex ptsd we
might think about which ones
if any apply to us and more than seven
might be a warning sign worth listening
to firstly
a feeling that nothing is safe wherever
we are
we have an apprehension that something
awful is about to happen
we are in a state of hyper vigilance the
catastrophe we expect
often involves a sudden fall from grace
we will be hauled away from current
circumstances and humiliated
perhaps put in prison and denied all
access to anything
kind or positive we won't necessarily be
killed
but to all intents our life will be over
people may try to reassure us through
logic that reality won't ever be
that bad but logic doesn't help we're in
the grip of an
illness we aren't just a bit confused
secondly we can never relax this shows
up in our body
we're permanently tense or rigid we have
trouble with being touched
perhaps in particular areas of the body
the idea of doing yoga or meditation
or breathing exercises these things
aren't just not appealing
they may be positively revolting we may
call them hippie with a sneer
and deeper down they are of course
terrifying probably our bowels are
troubled too
our anxiety has a direct link to our
digestive system
thirdly we can't ever really sleep and
we wake up
very early generally in a state of high
alarm
as though during rest we've let down our
guard and are now
in even greater danger than usual
fourthly
we have deep in ourselves an appalling
self-image
we hate who we are we think we're ugly
monstrous repulsive we think we're awful
possibly the most
awful person in the world our sexuality
is especially perturbed
we feel predatory sickening shameful
fifthly we're often drawn to highly
unavailable people
we tell ourselves we hate needy people
but what we really hate are people
who might be too available for us we
make a beeline
for people who are disengaged won't want
warmth from us
and who might be struggling with our own
undiagnosed issues
around avoidance sixthly we are sickened
by people who want to be cozy with us
we call these people puppyish revolting
or
desperate seventh we are prone to losing
our temper very badly
sometimes with other people more often
just with ourselves
we aren't so much angry as very very
worried
worried that everything is about to
become very awful again
we are shouting because we're terrified
we look
mean we are in fact defenseless
eighth we are highly paranoid it's not
that we expect other people will poison
us or follow us down the street
we just suspect that other people will
be hostile to us
and will be looking out for
opportunities to crush and humiliate
us we can be mesmerically drawn to
examples of this
happening on social media the unkindest
and most arbitrary environment
which anyone with complex ptsd easily
confuses with the whole world
chiefly because it operates like their
world randomly
and very meanly ninth
we find other people so dangerous and
worrying that being alone
has huge attractions we might like to go
and live under a rock
forever in some moods we associate bliss
with not having to see anyone again ever
tenth we don't register to ourselves as
suicidal
but the truth is that we find living so
exhausting
and often so unpleasant we do sometimes
long not to have to exist anymore
eleven we can't afford to show much
spontaneity
we're rigid about our routines
everything may need to be exactly so
as an attempt to ward off looming chaos
we may clean a lot
sudden changes of plan can feel
indistinguishable from the ultimate
downfall we dread 12.
in a bid to try to find safety we may
throw ourselves into work
amassing money fame honor prestige
but of course this never works the sense
of danger and self-disgust
is coming from so deep within we can
never reach a sense of safety externally
a million people can be cheering but one
year will be enough once again
to evoke the self-disgust we have left
unaddressed inside
breaks from work can feel especially
worrying
retirement and holidays create unique
difficulties
those are the symptoms so what is the
cure
for all these arduous symptoms of
complex ptsd
partly we need to courageously realize
that we have come through something
terrible
that we haven't until now properly
digested because we haven't had a kind
stable environment in which to do so we
are a little wonky
because long ago the situation was
genuinely awful
when we were small someone made us feel
extremely unsafe
even though they might have been our
parent we were made to think that
nothing about who we were was acceptable
in the name of being brave we had to
endure some very
difficult separations perhaps repeated
over years
no one reassured us of our worth we were
judged with intolerable
harshness the damage may have been very
obvious
but more typically it might have
unfolded in objectively innocent
circumstances
a casual visitor might never have
noticed there might have been a
narrative which lingers still
that we were part of a happy family one
of the great discoveries of researchers
in complex ptsd
is that emotional neglect within
outwardly high achieving families
can be as damaging as active violence in
obviously deprived ones if any of this
rings bells we should stop being brave
we should allow ourselves to feel
compassion for who we were
that might not be easy given how hard we
tend to be with ourselves
the next step is to try to identify a
therapist or counselor
trained in how to handle complex ptsd
that may well be someone trained
specifically in dealing with trauma
which involves directing enormous
amounts of compassion
towards one's younger self in order to
have the courage
to face the trauma and recognize its
impact on one's life
rather touchingly and simply the root
cause of complex ptsd
is an absence of love and the cure for
it
follows the same path we need to
re-learn
to love someone we very unfairly hate
beyond measure ourselves
the school of life offers online
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