everyone it's matt and in this video i
am going to be sharing with you
how you can overcome possessiveness
in your relationship for good being a
possessive partner or
having a possessive partner causes
things like
massive jealousy in relationships uh
really bad cases of a retroactive
jealousy when you're jealous of your
partner's sexual past trust
issues arguments just a ton of toxic
factors that will weigh your
relationship down
and in most cases completely destroy it
and looking back on my own life i was
possessive of
all my previous girlfriends and spoiler
alert
none of the relationships ever lasted i
would never want them hanging out with
friends i'd get mad when they chose to
hang out with
someone else over me i'd get mad when
it took them a long time to text me back
and in return they were possessive right
back to me
so pretty soon our relationship was in
shambles
and we had zero friends i'm happy to
report though i have
learned from all that and have a much
better understanding of
why possessiveness nature in
relationships exists
and how you can put an end to it once
and for
all so if you are suffering from
jealousy insecurity
if you have control issues or things
like that i'll show you exactly
what you need to do is starting today to
stop this possessive landscape
in your relationship and by the end of
this video
you'll know exactly what to do in order
to build a
full trusting and flat out awesome
relationship
with your partner so let's jump right in
possessiveness
in a relationship is the deep need to
hold on to a person and only have them
for yourself it's when you
don't want your partner to spend time
with anyone else or even pursue
interests outside the relationship
all you want is your partner's attention
and love and as i said in my own past i
was possessive of all my previous
girlfriends i didn't want them
doing anything without me i even got mad
at one of my past girlfriends for
booking a trip to london
before she met me we had met in
august of one year she had booked a trip
in the springtime to go to london around
like
october so i got mad at her for booking
the trip before she knew me
because she was going to be gone for
four weeks and well
what was i going to do right she's all
mine she can't just
go off wherever she wants to without my
approval
that's just ridiculous finally my
behavior stopped when i met my
honest upfront and feisty brazilian wife
who basically told me
like we can be together but she's still
going to live
her life and do the things that she
wants to do
see the people she wants to see and if i
have a problem with that
then bye and i was like um
whoa okay
but that was what i needed to hear it
put me in my place and it made me
realize that the reason all my previous
relationships didn't work
out and the reason i suffered from
horrible bouts of jealousy my whole life
was because of
me okay it had nothing to do with my
partner in the least bit and sorry to
interrupt i forgot to mention this at
the beginning of the video but it would
mean so much to me if you could just
take a fraction of a second
and go ahead and smash that like button
the algorithm on youtube loves likes and
comments and the more you do this the
more youtube puts this video out to more
people
who really really need to see it so
please hit that thumbs up button real
quick
it would mean a lot to me now getting
rid of possessiveness in a relationship
begins with the understanding
that it's not about your partner it's
about you
we are taught throughout our lives that
life is this external game
right this happened to me and it caused
me to feel
this way you know i saw my girlfriend
talking to another guy downtown last
night
and it caused me to feel jealous so i
took it all out on her
but in actuality it's how you see
yourself on the inside
what you've got going on the inside
reflects to the outside
so if you have trust issues with your
partner it's because you have trust
issues with
yourself if you feel insecure about
relationship it's because you feel
insecure about
yourself if you fully trust yourself
know
yourself understand yourself respect
yourself have confidence in yourself
none of the outside stuff would be a
problem
okay it's unrealistic to expect your
partner to change who they are
for you so start asking yourself where
can you change yourself if you start
putting in the focus on
yourself a little more and how you can
change and improve
everything else will improve too and
much of those negative emotions of
jealousy possessiveness and security
will all go away now most people who are
possessive
identify very very closely with
their relationship meaning they put all
their time
all their focus all their energy all
their money and all their life
into the relationship but the problem is
when you put
all of yourself into a relationship what
happens if the relationship ends or or
breakup takes place you lose yourself
you lose who you
are and this was a big problem that i
faced is i always looked at being in a
relationship as
the life goal i'd feel very proud every
time i got to change my relationship
status on facebook
to in a relationship i put all my energy
into trying to make my girlfriend happy
all my focus all my attention
they were all i ever thought about but
that brought on a massive amount of
jealousy and possessiveness issues
and then when the relationship ended i
had no idea what to do with myself
i would either go out and party and try
to keep myself you know entertained
[Music]
or i'd sleep for 16 hours a day i didn't
know how
to be just me so now in your
relationship instead of being completely
relationship focused start broadening
your activities
start putting more focus on things
outside of your relationship
focus on your own self-development focus
on your own hobbies you know
build an online business focus on
getting in shape eating well
things like that you just can't have
your full 100 focus on the relationship
that is
very very toxic and we are kind of
taught
the opposite right we're taught the
opposite through society and things like
that
i mean 99 of movies out there
have you know love interests and people
dying for each other
unable to live without each other i
would love to go check
but we watch that and instead of
thinking you know oh this is just
great entertainment our brains accept
that
as what we should be doing too so
turn off the chick flicks it's been 84
years
turn off the rom-coms i got off the
plane
and start practicing expanding your own
identity through activities like
hitting the like button just don't let
your whole life or identity be
based just on your relationship because
if it goes away
you go away you'll also want to start to
set some boundaries in your relationship
okay start
sharing what you need and expect from
each other you and your partner
and actually start acting on it okay
find out what
really does work for you guys and do it
you probably don't need to be
you know checking on each other 100
times
a day throughout your day i can recall
one of my exes demanding that i speak to
her at least once an
hour when i was at work and i worked in
a hotel so i really couldn't just pull
out my phone
anytime i wanted to because there'd be
guests and there'd be people around so
i had to go into the bathroom at least
once an hour
and call her or text her and if i didn't
i'd have like 35 messages
on my phone asking me where i was and
what i was doing but
i let this possessive behavior continue
i could have easily solved this by
simply having a conversation with her
and finding out a way to meet
in the middle until more trust was
gained between the two of us
because many times that's how trust is
built in a relationship by just
creating some distance and at the end of
the day possessiveness usually means you
want to change your partner to how you
picture them
or want them to be and not who they
actually are
but here's the thing you and your
partner are not the same person
you are different entities completely
different you both deserve the life you
want to live and they should not be
changed so don't try to change them if
you don't want to be with the person
your partner truly is
then you are flat out in the wrong
relationship
so to tie this all together if you feel
like your relationship is subject to a
lot of possessive behavior
it's time to just take a step back from
everything
look inside yourself and understand if
you are feeling any type of lack of
trust or negative emotion towards a
relationship
it's because some internal problems you
are having they stop
identifying so much with your
relationship and start identifying with
yourself a little more
be selfish a little and do some things
for you stuff that you
enjoy and understand your partner is
their own person
and deserves to want to do their own
things and has
every right to do them so coming to
terms with all this
is the cure to possessiveness in a
relationship and
once you've eliminated that i can
promise you you are not only going to
experience
some amazing new levels in your
relationship
but some amazing new levels in your life
as well so i hope this video resonated
with you a little and gave you a lot of
value
if you enjoyed it please crush that like
button to help with the youtube
algorithm
also if you're not already subscribed to
the channel please click that subscribe
button below
and hit the notification bell so you are
alerted when
i post a new video also please feel free
to leave a comment
if you have a question or anything like
that or just want to say hey i respond
to every single comment on
my page so once again thank you for
watching and
we'll see you in the next video