do you want to make the women in your
life feel wanted and desired
your partner your friends your family
members
i want to show you how
if you can do that you can build that
love between you and that person and
especially if they're your partner you
can build that love to last for the rest
of your life
i've learned these secrets as i've been
in marriage and family therapy as i'm
now in an attachment specialist role and
i'm also a married man myself and i have
daughters sister mother aunts i have all
these women in my life and i've learned
i've learned
what it is women want and how they can
be happy how you can make them happy
let's talk about that
what is it what is it that makes women
happy they need two things two things i
have learned that is either predictors
for female depression but also female
satisfaction
number one
to be loved
to feel loved
and number two to feel useful to the
people they love
those two pieces let's break those down
number one what does it mean to feel
loved
there's a lot of words for love tr
uh cherish
treasure
adore
there's a lot of love that goes into
that affection kindness
gratitude appreciation
what does it mean to be loved
it means to be valued as a human being
as a whole human being your whole human
essence not just the things that are
about you your attractiveness a lot of
people a lot of men make the mistake in
relationships of praising women for
their attractiveness
and that's okay women don't hate hearing
that they're attractive you know they
don't hate hearing oh you're pretty
but those are those are characteristics
that fade
right that's attractiveness eventually
fades women want to be loved which means
valued women want to be valued cherished
respected
how do you do that
will you find their really good
qualities that they have
and praise them for those things that
will not go away
you praise them for example for their
wisdom their kindness
their affection for others the goods
that they do the good things they do for
other people for their good insight that
they provide
you praise them for their cleverness you
praise them for their mind you praise
them for their heart mind and heart
things that are good about their mind
and their heart you praise these
qualities
and then you say thank you for them when
they when they use these in your life
you thank them and you be grateful and
you do things for them
kindnesses in return not in
transactional ways exactly but
in ways that show mutual care and
fulfillment because when you love
somebody you want what is truly best for
them
women feel best when they feel like
someone wants what is best for them
go figure right
to feel loved it also requires for them
to perceive it so conversations i love
you i care for you how is the best way i
can what's the best way i can do to show
that for you how can i do that if you're
trying to figure it out and you're not
sure what she wants and how she feels
loved
ask
i love you and i want to show it in ways
that make sense to you can you tell me
some ways that would make you feel loved
what are your top three love no
what's your love language what do you
what is it is it acts of service is it
warmth is it time
is it resources is it experiences
together what what makes you feel most
loved
you treat them in that way and you do
what they want you listen to them you
talk with them you give them your time
and you just explicitly say i love
spending time with you it is so great
and thank you for what you're doing and
you care about them as a person
and you do things that are for their
benefit
that makes a woman feel loved
it makes a man feel loved also too but
women especially in this case
and then the second part of that
what is the second part of that
pause
oh
and the second part of that is to feel
useful to the people they love
this comes in with praising those good
attributes in their mind and heart and
praising those pieces because it's not
about them feeling like a good person
and them getting something out of doing
that kindness
women
who love with all of their heart they
want to give to those around them that
warmth that nurturing that incredible
care that a lot of it is it can be acts
of service
but giving them that opportunity saying
hey i really need some help could you do
this for me sharing your needs with them
women value that tremendously it makes
them feel trusted and it gives them an
opportunity to give to you not to earn
love from you or earn approval but to
give love to you if they love you they
want opportunities to give that love to
you
sharing your needs with them and giving
them a role in whatever you're doing
helping them and just being honest about
what you need this is great this is
really important because it makes them
feel valued
and valuable
loved
and loving it makes them feel like they
are giving that good to you and they
want to they want to loving healthy
women they thrive when they can give
love to those around them and be useful
to them be helpful be be helpful for
those people in their missions and their
roles and their needs their hurts
whatever it is
asking her in and inviting her in and
just sharing something that you need
sharing something that you need this is
crucial a lot of men miss this because
we don't want to put we don't put
pressure on her we don't want to say oh
hey yeah do this and no you don't need
to worry about this that's fine i'll
handle it a lot of that messaging pushes
it back
pushes them back and says i don't want
you in this space
inviting them in and saying yeah sure
yeah i don't have any secrets and here's
what i need here's how you can be
helpful to me
it fills their heart to be helpful to
you to be loved and then to give love in
return that's really what this is about
you are creating a circumstance here
where she can give love to you and
receive your love in return and create
this mutually fulfilling circle of love
this is i mean this is what we call
attachment you're building healthy
attachment with her you are mutually
fulfilling each other
and allowing her not just fulfilling her
and then help making her feel selfish
allowing her to also fulfill you in
return
this right here
this is the best way to make women happy
in relationships it's the best way to
make them feel loved and it's the best
way to help their mental health because
they feel stable safe and secure and
they can start taking good healthy risks
they can open up they can connect
because everything's in line if you can
do these things if you can do these
things the women in your life will
benefit and you will benefit i know
that's not what you're here for but you
will benefit in return because you will
receive their full love as you give your
full love to them and that's what we all
really need
so this has been helpful women watching
this you probably are wondering what i'm
telling other people to do to you
if you're watching this and this is
right leave a comment say hey this guy
got it dudes who are listening please
watch this and please please listen if
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something share what is useful for you
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guys if you're watching this and some of
this was surprising if it was different
for you hey i didn't think about it in
quite that way before leave a comment
ask me some questions if you need
clarification on this i love getting
those questions in my drop down and in
the comments i love having those
questions to answer let's talk about
some of these things i'd love to do that
thank you very much for watching i'm
adam lane smith