I'm literally going to die
[Music]
hey guys and welcome back to my channel
hope you guys are doing well I don't
know if it's that time of year but I
feel like so many people are going
through a breakup I get messages on a
daily even after I decided that I was
already gonna talk about this topic I
feel like every day so I'm telling me
about the situation I just want this
video to be a heart to heart I know it
says how-to but I've made about three
videos about getting over a breakup what
to do when you're hurting I think this
video I just want to kind of let you
guys know that it is okay and that
you're going to be okay I don't want you
guys to feel like you're crazy because
you're feeling this way breakups is like
somebody dying somebody that you used to
know dying and it's even worse because
they're not dead you still have to see
them you still have to know that their
existing you still have to know that
they may be moving on with their life
maybe they're dating someone else so
it's even worse than someone dying at
least if they die they're gone right but
no this person this ex is still there to
torment you and I know there's different
scenarios when it comes to breakups the
guy broke up with you or you broke up
with him or you guys decided mutually
that you guys were gonna go your
separate ways or the guy does when
ghosts it's like really hard as well
well however and whatever you guys that
are watching this video may be going
through a breakup and I just want to be
there to support you and say that you're
gonna get through this I know it seems
so difficult right now I know your heart
is breaking I know your heart is hurting
you right now and you feel like can
anything be worse than this but I know
that you guys are strong and I you've
been through worse than this and you've
overcome it and I think sometimes when
were in the mix or something we feel
like I'm gonna die like I'm literally
going to die because you can't see
anything getting bail you can't see any
way out of this I want to let you guys
know that you're gonna get out of this
we've all been there we've all had to
let go of somebody or we've all been let
go of unfortunately
it is just a way of life and I guess my
intention this video is really to
validate its pain and let you guys know
that you're not crazy you're not crazy
is real when feelings are involved
gets real okay and the pain that
you're feeling is justified and I want
to show you why when you get into a
relationship with somebody yeah
technically you guys become one okay
well you guys were together for ten
years fifteen years five years five
months five weeks
you made the unconscious decision to
join yourself of that person and when
you join yourself or someone this is
what happens you probably can't see
where the first paper starts and the
second paper begins you have been joined
so I took two pieces of paper and I
glued them together this has only been
together for about four hours but the
longer you leave them glue together the
more damage and I'm gonna show you guys
what happens when you go for a breakup
so two that are now one I hope you guys
can see this I hope you guys can see
this this one look at this one
look at this one this is usually to go
in a relationship okay because like I
said in my last video the women are
nurturers by nature when we give our
heart to you we give our whole hearts
which is why it hurts so much so this
one represents your heart right now this
is you you've still got pieces of the
other person literally stuck to you and
that person has also taken parts of you
away with them you've even got parts of
the person still stuck to you and when
you're trying to tear that off you're
also tearing
yourself so that was a simple
illustration to let you guys know what
actually happens when you go for a
breakup okay and the reason why it hurts
so much is because you are literally
trying to separate two glued together
pieces of paper and I'm not going to in
this video go into the whole soul ties I
have a video on that I filmed
emotionally sexually physically you're
joined and so the hard part to get
yourself back to get you back and the
problem is with dating and going into
Asian ships and dating and go into
relationships is that the more you keep
join in yourself to somebody else and
then you break up and then you join
yourself to somebody else and then you
break up and then you join yourself
somebody else and then you break up
what's left of your heart to give to
anybody and so my goal of this video is
to get you back to you when you are in a
relationship you give the other person
the key to your emotions yeah you do you
give that up a person the key to your
emotions they can either unlock it or
close it and they have the power that's
why when they do something you're
triggered when they don't do something
you're triggered you gave that person
the key to your emotions and so getting
through and I like to say getting
through a breakup not getting over it
because no one can just like hop skip
and jump over it you have to go through
it's literally a process and check out
my video and I explained the whole
process of a breakup to give you more
understanding basically where this video
we're dealing with you and we're dealing
with your heart firstly I want to give
you guys permission to cry if you need
to cry me a river cry if you need to
take a day of work if you need to take
some time out for yourself if you need
to no one should make you feel stupid
for feeling the way you do your feelings
matter and
you know one of the worst things about a
breakup especially if you're not a
serious relationship you build this
dream of your future with that person
but that person being in it your plans
that you made for your future was always
including this person so what happens
when you plan then the rest of your life
of this person when you plan to get
married when you plan to be engaged to
have children to start a family what
happens when that dream is literally
crushed and the Bible says one of my
favorite scriptures I would say that but
the Bible says Hope deferred makes the
heart sick literally the sickness that
you're feeling the love sickness that
you're feeling is a yearning for what
was supposed to be isn't anymore
what was meant to be but isn't anymore
you're literally mourning not just the
present but also the future you planted
that person it's tough that is so hard
it's so so so hard and I kind of want to
speak a little bit about rejection
especially if you're the one that's been
dumped but don't get me wrong even if
you're the one that did the breaking up
you can still feel rejected I think in
those circumstances we as women we are
natural nurturers so we may feel the
propensity to go back and to kind of
soothe him and be like oh you know I
still love you and I really hate that
this happened and I try and like coddle
him but I need you to understand that
he's going to be okay
you're not his mom and you don't need to
be a therapist let him mourn you in
peace and this is why a lot of us break
up with somebody and we go back and we
go back and we go back and if it's not
you doing the coddling it's the other
person doing the coddling too so a guy
may break up with you and still message
you and still text you and still be like
are you okay that doesn't mean that they
want to intentionally play and mess up
your emotions I think when the love is
there and when they genuinely loved you
or they genuinely had feelings for you
it does not go away overnight so them
texting you them checking up on you does
not necessarily mean they want to start
a relationship with you again they are
probably just concerned about your
well-being but because your emotions are
still involved you are vulnerable
and you are vulnerable to getting and
receiving mixed messages I don't need to
flip-flop back into that old routine
because I know from experience when you
break up with someone there's always
that gray area okay and that gray area
is okay I still love you I still care
about you
there's still feelings involved we may
still be in each other's lives because
we go to the same church we go to the
same school University we have the same
friends group and it's that great area
or how do I now relate to you apart from
you right how do I now relate to this
person differently because it's no
longer this it's more like this and I
think that's the hard part
but when you keep going backwards and
forwards backwards and forwards
backwards and forwards you are actually
slowing down the healing process and it
may feel good at the time or I brought
his attention back oh he really does
care about me oh he really does love me
no you're slowing down the process
because the break-up is inevitable if
something isn't working it just isn't
working okay so you rip flopping and
going back and going back and going back
and pain it's this dance like this
you're slowing down the healing process
you're gonna have to go through what I'm
talking about now the break-up process
if not now in a few weeks in a few
months okay because the break-up is
inevitable you just have to learn to let
go let go let go let him go let it go
and a lot of people feel like blocking
someone I used to love is like a bit
extreme but you have to take extreme
measures because love emotions feelings
are so complicated one day you may feel
like the next day you may feel up I love
him let me call him let me text him let
me stop his Instagram let me just send
him one more message let me reassure him
that I really did have feelings for you
let me reassure him that this was real
you don't need to
any of that sometimes the block button
is your best friend that does not mean
you hate them that does not mean you're
bitter it just means you're protecting
and guarding your heart guard your heart
and some people may say oh it's easier
said than done everything is easier said
than done but once you make up in your
mind and you make a decision that this
is going to be its I'm not going
backwards and for this I'm letting this
guy out of my system you can fully move
on and heal so if you're not gonna block
them create boundaries no you can't call
me stop calling me
stop texting me I'm trying to get over
you leave me alone I have to unfollow
you because every time I see you it
brings back old feelings and it's
stopping my person sometimes guys are so
selfish that they wouldn't make cake and
eat it they know they'd broken up with
you but they still want you to be around
they still want to be able to cool you
to access your life but it doesn't work
like that honey you need to tell him it
don't work like that
you made your decision you made your bed
now lay in it and sometimes you have to
do that for them because they're not
gonna do it for you because most of the
time all they can think about is
themselves and their feelings and what
they want and so you must now and so you
oh my lord you must make a decision for
them and exit the situation so
boundaries boundaries boundaries the
less you see or somebody the less
feelings you will have for that person
okay it's not gonna be helpful no matter
how much you wouldn't try and trick
yourself no matter how much you want to
try and play yourself and be like I spy
and I can still follow him on Instagram
I can still watch your stories I'm not
gonna feel anything away don't deceive
yourself don't fool yourself okay we're
not that strong especially in the
initial stages you're not going to be
strong you're not going to be strong in
the initial stages okay you are very
vulnerable okay you are becoming strong
but you are not strong okay so don't
play yourself okay do what needs to be
done and I can't tell you what it is
maybe for some people it's a block maybe
for some people it's a unfollow I can't
tell you what to do
but you know what
for you you know what boundaries you
need to take in order for you to flare
came out of your system and I want you
guys to know that time is a healer it
literally is a healer even though right
now you feel like how the hell am I
gonna function about this person how am
I going to live without this person baby
girl you're living baby girl you will
live you will meet someone else that is
compatible that will not leave that will
not reject you that will not treat you
that way and sometimes it's not even
negative sometimes people just don't
work out sometimes things just don't
work out and let me just say this
because not all breakups are bad
sometimes you guys are mutually decide
this is not working let's go our
separate ways
I think sometimes that's the worst
because a person didn't necessarily do
anything wrong so you're like I can't
even be mad at him and creating
boundaries is not because you're mad at
somebody
creating bounded is to protect your
heart and you have to think about you
right now
and my concern is not him my concern is
you right now okay so I'm speaking to
you do what needs to be done to protect
your heart cause you guys know I'm big
on this and my whole channel is based on
this whole thing and it's about self
it's about self esteem and it's about
self okay controlling a thing that you
can control you're not in control of
what happened
you're not in control of what he thinks
or what he's feeling you're only in
control of yourself and wait well before
I get into this let me talk about
rejection per second I believe with my
whole heart man's rejection is cause
protection you may feel like this person
rejected me I'm not good enough I'm not
pretty enough I'm not skinny enough
I'm not lighting up I'm not dark enough
all this kind of stuff you may feel like
that on the surface and maybe how it
looks like on a higher level on a
spiritual level God was protecting you
from something you may not know what it
is but trust me God's ways are higher
than our ways what we see with our eyes
right now is not it okay so once your
perspective changes and you realize that
God's intention for you is good and it
is pure he will never take something out
of your life that you need he will never
take something away from you that is
yours if he took it away it's because
it's not yours if you took it away
it's because he has something better for
you trust him
what is yours will be yours Point Blank
period you can rest in the fact that
whatever is going to be yours will not
leave you if it leaves it means it's
making room for what is actually yours
believe that and so when we go through a
breakup it's very important that we get
back to self we get centered and we
realize who the hell we are okay
remember who the hell you are remember
who the hell you are do not let any man
break you you're stronger than that
you're better than this you are better
than this you have to control trust me
don't allow your mind to go to oh I am
NOT this enough or I'm to Daiso
I am too that wanted none of us are
perfect yeah we all know that okay but
this is not this is not the time baby
girl just pointing out all the things
that are wrong with you okay be kind to
yourself be nice to yourself you are
amazing okay yes you may have some
imperfections but you are amazing and
the reason that guy broke up with you is
not because there's something wrong with
you so get that out of your brain the
reason he was with you in the first
place because he saw something good in
you okay
the reason he even wanted to even be in
a relationship with you is because there
was something good in you okay so don't
allow the rejection to make you feel
less of yourself okay you are a queen
you are beautiful you are lovely you are
lovable you are amazing okay you are
amazing you are amazing cry but put your
crown back horn after you finish crying
okay even if the guy has moved on which
they surely do okay I learned this week
by going on live with mr. London he said
the reason a guy moves on super-quick is
because he had probably already checked
out of the relationship long before he
broke up with you and he may even have
been talking to someone who had his eye
on someone before so you may see I like
that guy may have checks out a long time
ago okay so I don't know why I'm saying
that but maybe it's gonna help someone
on here whatever yourself to damage
yourself anymore you're already hurt
you're already vulnerable you ready open
don't shoot yourself it don't hurt
yourself take some time for yourself
it's time to get back to
you okay time to get back to who you are
who you were before you met this person
what take your time it's going to take
time to get back to that place okay love
yourself take care of yourself
protect yourself do not give that
responsibility to anybody else what we
tend to do as women what we tend to do
in general and especially those of us
who are relationships we give that other
person control of our happiness we look
to that person to take care of our needs
when you go for a breakup you now need
to take care of your own needs and that
can be so tough by the way we expect way
too much from other people by the way we
expect way too much from other people we
expect other people to meet their needs
we're supposed to be meeting in their
own lives we expect so much love so much
support from other people because we are
not giving it to ourselves let that
sizzle in your spirit you're looking for
someone else to give you what you need
because you're not giving it to yourself
when you start giving you yourself the
things that you need okay attention love
support affirmation when you start
giving that to yourself you all look to
other people but you won't look to them
to tell you what you already should be
telling yourself the amount of times I
use the word yourself is so funny
because it is all about you all about
you it all starts tops and ends of you
you are in control of every single thing
that happens in your life you may not be
in control of what happens to you but
you guys complete total control of how
you respond the life is 5% what happened
to you 95% how you respond to it how you
choose to react to it okay no one else
bought you so give yourself the care and
the attention that you need and firm
yourself it is going to be okay I'm
going to be fine this too shall pass go
of your friends take a vacation one
thing that happens when rumination ships
is we forget about everybody else okay
some people do I'm that person okay so
go back to your friends
pay comfy and your friends have fun have
some good clean on regrettable spun okay
cause like I talked about in my video if
you're hurt you should have me dating
don't rebound remember I said this do
not rebound that's the least wrong thing
you can do that's the weakest thing that
you can do and it's also very selfish
do not bring anybody else into your mess
okay vacuum the mess get rid of the mess
so that you're able to go into a new
relationship free I'm able to give and
not selfish like fill my void don't do
that he'll he'll he'll and it's gonna
take time and I'm not saying that every
relationship and smoothly sometimes you
have a really really rough breakup and
what helped me is so I went for a
breakup in 2017 again I don't talk about
it that much because it was short but it
was deep and I was very angry I was just
really mad and angry I don't know if I
was angry at him I was angry at myself
probably both but I decided to write a
poem I will call about him it was
literally a letter of disgust and I
don't know I could do poetry until I
started to write this so I think I'm
gonna end with this I'm gonna let you
guys into my um letter to my ex let me
get into that angry zone you're so
disappointing thank you for showing your
true colors again I really did have hope
that this time things would be different
but you are not different it's becoming
very clear to me when I give you too
much rope you hang yourself you don't
know what to do this love so you
sabotage it your f boy who runs and
hides I need a man who's strong who
stands and fights will confront an
altercation head-on and not duck and
hide I'm too good for you and you know
this but I thank God for intervening
each time I don't blame you because I
asked God to leave me and deliver me
from evil and each time he delivered me
from you so I'm not angry though I
should be but God
told me you are not in control of your
life I am but I didn't listen I thought
it'd be cute to hang out with you one
last time I love your company I just
wanted to fill your arms again get some
of that old-time loving but it's okay
love isn't always physical sometimes not
be saying no don't touch me
one day I'll meet a guy who shows his
love who touch last because I'll look in
his eyes and have no doubt that he loves
me because he'd give his right eye to
see me happy unfortunately he is not you
and you are not him because you are
selfish you care only about your needs
it would have been nice to see you one
last time but it's okay friend have a
good time I will be distancing myself
from you need to guard my heart again
but at this time with walls and bolts
and chains to keep you out I will be
strong I have to be strong strength is
all I have
I wish you good things only sad we
couldn't be friends but I guess it's for
the best
good luck so that was my poem that I
wrote to my ex when I broke up in 2017
and really and truly it really helped me
to get some my aggression out because
sometimes guys are just so disappointing
but we play us up because we know what
kind of guy is and we still take the
bait we still take the bait but that
little for me was really important
because it was about me letting go and I
had to let go of him actually wrote like
five other ones I've been actually
really good but it was about me letting
go of him getting him out of my system
and maybe that's what you need to do
maybe you need to write a letter to your
ex and this video that I watched by
iyanla Vanzant it was a thing that you
had to do this called a relationship
autopsy and it was basically just you
evaluating the relationship up to the
downs what you could learn better
walking like that so I'm gonna go down
below I think it'd be really really
beneficial for you guys to actually
really evaluate your issue I mean I'm
very analytical so maybe it works for me
I don't know about you guys but I think
when I mix down on people you're able to
go back to it and read it and just take
it in and absorb it okay so yeah that's
that this is a shout out to my it's my
favorite this is the shattered
[Music]
you