How to fear of failure
Overcoming the fear of failure | Dan Hagen | TEDxNicoletCollege
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so I'm talking about overcoming the fear
of failure and you know you may look at
me as a new zinc you probably recognize
me
or recognize my my sultry voice I don't
know why I'm holding a microphone it's
right here
but you know it wasn't always like this
I I don't have it all together right now
and I certainly didn't have it all
together back in high school and I want
you guys to see if you notice a pattern
here let's go back to high school at
Appleton North High School in Appleton
Wisconsin
and
when I got to high school I was a really
good basketball player in middle school
I led my team in points and assists but
I didn't want to try out for the
basketball team in high school because
if you try out you could get cut
and that would be a huge failure I don't
want to get cut that would be
embarrassing so I didn't try out
I played soccer though played soccer my
freshman in sophomore years
but when it came to junior year there's
kind of an expectation
to make Varsity right
but
what if I didn't make varsity
that would have been really embarrassing
that would have been a huge failure if I
didn't make varsity
so what should I do instead
huh well cross country you can't get cut
so
despite playing soccer for my entire
life from age five to my high school
years I quit I did cross country instead
it was fun
but the pattern continued out of
Athletics
in academics as well I was I was smart
enough but I never really tried because
if you try and then you fail
that's a huge failure if I don't try and
I pass well I didn't try anyway if I
don't try and I fail well it's not
really a failure I didn't put myself out
there
and of course this extended past
Athletics and academics in my social
life
I wasn't being vulnerable with people I
wasn't being myself because if I was
myself and people rejected me that would
be a huge failure
you're probably noticing a
pack I was deathly afraid of the fear
of failure I couldn't fail I would learn
later that I was my perfectionist
Tendencies coming out I had some high
achieving parents with some guy
achieving over older siblings so you're
going to do all the things so I I tried
to get past that I went to college and
that still lingered on I still had some
feel fear of failure I got middling
grades I felt like I wasn't myself
and my mom gave me this book
and it's by Renee Brown you guys may
have heard of her she's one of the most
famous Ted Talks out there and the book
is called daring greatly and the name is
derived from a quote that absolutely
changed my life
I can just see everyone on the edge of
their seat waiting yes I'm going to read
the quote
Peter Roosevelt our 26th president it is
not the critic of counts not the man who
points out how the strong man stumbles
or where the doer of Deeds could have
done them better
the credit belongs to the man who is
actually in the arena whose face is
marred by dust and sweat and blood who
strives valiantly who airs who comes
short again and again because there is
no effort without air and shortcoming
but who does actually strive to do the
Deeds who at the best knows in the end
the Triumph of high achievement and who
at the worst if he fails at least fails
while daring greatly so that his place
shall never be with those cold and timid
Souls who neither know Victory nor
defeat
I get goosebumps every time I see that
quote I love that quote there's so many
great metaphors in there
and I just like the the vision of the
man in the arena right instead of on the
sidelines not being your authentic self
just watching everyone else go about
their life you're actually in the arena
it's not the critic who counts it's not
the people who point out when I Stumble
because I Stumble a lot I don't know if
you watch the newscasts at all but every
single day I messed something up right
I say Shawano
I get 50 emails it's Sean odan and like
I know that but it's the Heat of the
Moment right
but you know this quote it really was a
turning point for me instead of being my
inauthentic self I tried to be in the
arena I tried to
actually strive to do the Deeds so that
I would know Victory and defeat and I
certainly did
after I read this book after my freshman
year my grades improved and it wasn't
only that I participated in class I'm a
very genuinely curious person and I
always held that back in school because
I didn't want to be judged right but I
really just let myself be me
I did things like go on a cross-country
trip by myself something that probably
isn't typical for people but I knew that
that is something that I would enjoy and
I did that and I and I had a really good
time
similarly I started abandoned College I
released an album after college I got a
great job and then after that I had the
confidence to leave that job and go into
something I was actually truly
passionate about which is journalism and
eventually went from weekend reporter to
news anchor here Channel 12 just down
the street
so I feel like I'm I'm in the arena
right now this is my new pattern I'm
trying new things I'm I'm failing I'm
succeeding and once you actually start
to fail and succeed you realize that
failure really isn't a big issue at all
it's actually a moment to learn and and
change and just reflect upon
just being there but
that wasn't quite enough
even to this day and as I was coming up
with this Ted Talk I there's still
something holding me back and I'm trying
to overcome this and a good example
of this hurdle that I'm still facing
right in front of me is maybe a year ago
I went to an open mic event
and I played Yesterday by the Beatles do
you guys know them small Indie band I
think
and uh you know I played it perfectly
when I practiced every single night but
I get to the open mic event and I just
butcher it I don't know what I was doing
I made mistakes that I had never made
before and even as I was thinking about
talking about this Vivid experience even
this week even though it happened two
years ago it's still
still brought me shame
and
there's so many more experiences like
that where I did put myself out there
and I failed and of course you all know
this that you remember your failures
more than your successful outings right
here's another quote I stumble upon it's
by Peter Sheehan
shame becomes fear fear leads to risk
aversion risk aversion kills innovation
and I think about Innovation as daring
greatly right risk aversion
stops you from daring greatly so how do
we overcome these
shameful moments that we perceive to be
shameful and embrace them
shame resilience
think about it like
you have to put your self-worth
somewhere right and when I was doing all
these things when I was starting a band
releasing an album I was putting myself
worth into the performances themselves
and it goes for the newscasts too
I put my self-worth into how I perform
during those but that is a very slippery
slope because once you tie yourself to
your performance you become a prisoner
of that
you have to please others you have to
perform at your best to consider
yourself worthy
so the trick here with shame resilience
is to not imbue your
self-worth in performance but just the
act of showing up and daring greatly
I told myself coming to this speech
today that I am not going to myself
forth is not at line on the line when I
came out to this stage it's it's not
because my self-worth is derived from
even just showing up and doing it
that's all I needed
so when I was talking to Mike effinger
earlier this week he said about 15 to 17
minutes and I thought huh
I'm at about 12 right now
so let's do something a little bit
differently I'm going to walk the talk
of what I just talked about
and do something I've never done before
ever
I'm gonna do some stand-up comedy
[Applause]
and I know this is a tedx event so I
want to keep it high brow right so
nothing naughty okay so I hope I passed
the testicle I mean
but speaking of testicles I was at
beefarama last weekend you guys know
beefarama right it's up in manaqua and
there was a beer there that actually had
bull testicles in it it's the strangest
thing
and I you know I was imagining the most
interesting man in the world I don't
always drink beer but when I do I prefer
those testes
but something else I imagined or I
noticed at viferama is that a lot of
people are wearing Leisure wear nowadays
right sweatshirts sweatpants are really
in and this actually makes sense because
a study shows that if you wear gym
clothes you're actually more likely to
be ultra Rich which I found was
interesting so gym clothes you're more
likely to be ultra Rich than actually
wearing really nice clothes like only
the ultra Rich would have the
self-confidence to look like hobos
and I see we have a lot of ultra rich
people here tonight
as if it's a late night show
um all I'm saying is that looks can be
deceiving right like if you see a person
in a Chicago Bears Jersey
who plays in the NFL you'd think they'd
be good at football but no
you'd be wrong they're not good at
football
no but I I do watch a lot of Television
I watch a lot of sports and I I saw I
can't believe I'm doing this
I I watched I watched the commercial for
for hemorrhoids cream
and the song that was being played was
Ring of Fire
and I mean that's a little on the nose
right that's like a funeral home
commercial playing the song Another One
Bites the Dust it's just
it's a little much
uh but I did see this on the news you
know I like to pay attention to the news
there was this huge Jewel heist in
Belgium did you guys see this this huge
Jewel Heist these people made off with
50 million dollars worth of diamonds and
you know a little part of me kind of
roots for the the burglars right you
know you see those movies but I have to
remind myself this isn't Ocean's 11.
it's not cool it's not funny it's
actually more like Ocean's 12 now that I
think about it
all right I'll save that one for the
drafts next time
another movie I watched recently was
Tetris
it's weird they're making movies out of
anything but I was reading about it on
Wikipedia and it seems like during the
production process it was very difficult
like it didn't look like it was going to
work out but in the end all the pieces
came together
but you know I don't trust everything on
Wikipedia But actually funnily enough I
I saw on Wikipedia that it turns 32
years old this year
but I read that on Wikipedia so I I
don't know if that's true
no but you know I like to follow the
news and it's it's crazy how dry it is
out west right now uh it's so dry that
Snoop Dogg had to change his name to
Snoop camel it's so dry
and then at strip clubs they can't even
make it rain anymore they can only make
a drizzle so it's it's affecting all
sorts of Industries
but you know it's it's so dry out west
and it's so wet out east right now it's
really ironic
um you know what I don't even know what
ironic means anymore that Alanis
Morissette song really messed me up
isn't it ironic you know but it raining
on your wedding day isn't ironic that's
just weather a Lotus I don't know what
you're talking about
um but what is ironic is ending a tedx
event on my worst joke of them all so
that's what I'm about to do
a doctor uh just announced that he grew
an ear on a woman's arm it's crazy he
announced this is a huge breakthrough in
science it's going to lead to so much
more science and the woman said I just
came in for a migraine
thank you for coming to my tech talk
they're greatly my friends
[Applause]
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