How to compliment a girl on tinder reddit
How to message on dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge messaging guide)
Timecodes:
hi I'm sex and relationship coach
Katelyn B and today I want to talk about
why you're not getting messages back on
dating apps now dating apps are a really
interesting way to meet people whether
your goal is short term dating long term
dating relationship romance love
marriage children you name it there is
an app for you out there and you know
what else there's a ton of people on
them especially men there are a lot of
men on these dating apps and it's a
numbers game you're competing against
all of these men for the attention of a
limited number of women so if you are
making a handful of critical errors that
I'm gonna teach you about today then you
are hurting your odds of ever getting a
message back which makes it impossible
for you to ever get a date which makes
it impossible to get laid
have a relationship etc my goal in this
video is to teach you a handful of
techniques that are going to increase
your odds of getting responses then with
more responses you can get more dates
see how this works
so many men tell me that the Giddy's
matches and then they'll have an
exchange of a couple messages between
them and then she disappears or she goes
she just stops writing back and there's
a number of reasons that this can happen
the most common reason that she's not
writing you back is that she's busy
she's inundated with messages from other
men right they are filling up her in
fact she's getting hundreds even
thousands maybe a messages if she's on
multiple apps from other men who are
interested in her she's getting tons of
matches it's just again it's a numbers
game there's a lot of men out there
there's a limited number of women all
women on dating apps get in boxes that
are absolutely stuffed to the brim so if
she's not messaging you back it's
probably because your message is in a
sea of hundreds of messages and then add
on to that that she's a real person she
has a job she might have a dog she's got
friends she's got family she's got
projects do it work she's got homework
do it school she has a full life and she
doesn't know who you are you're just a
stranger who is messaging her is showing
up in her inbox so the fact that she's
not messaging you back really has
nothing
do with you it has more to do with her
and her living and completing busy life
and please take that into consideration
do not get all angry and pissy with her
if she doesn't respond to you because
it's really not about you it's not a
mistake that you are making okay
so what's important to know about that
is just don't take it personally so many
men come to me and they're really hurt
they want me to read their messages they
want me to tell them if they made a
mistake you didn't make a mistake she's
just a busy human being who has a full
life and your message is unfortunately
not a high enough priority for her to
get back to you now if you are
consistently not getting messages back
from women then it could be that you are
making a handful of the most crushing
errors that I see men make while they're
on these apps but first a couple other
reasons that she's not messaging you
back number one maybe she had a
successful date with one guy and because
we have this sort of commitment to
monogamy and our culture she's waiting
to see if that pans out before she
messages anyone else back she might be
using the apps because she just wants a
little pick-me-up she just wants to feel
desired in there first she's not
messaging everyone back and if that's
the case don't hate the player hate the
game it's not because they is that that
she was the one for you and that she
somehow didn't notice okay we have a
couple good exchanges of someone you
think that suddenly like it's meant to
be and she was perfect because she also
loved Italian ice and going to the Art
Museum and so you built her up to be
like the one the most special person
you're never gonna get to be with her
forget that idea she was special but
there are more fish out there remember
when I said it's a numbers game what
happens when you have one good day with
someone and you stop going on the apps
is that you are minimizing your odds of
actually finding the right person for
you the chances of them being the one
person who you started messaging with
are pretty low even the chances of them
being the one person who you went on one
date with are pretty low even if you had
a really great date do not just pull
yourself off the apps not just stop
messaging because again you want to
maximize the odds of finding the person
who you want to be in a relationship
with and if you stop being active ever
time you have a good date with someone
you are going to progress more slowly
than someone who is staying on the
absent staying active even if they've
had a great date even if they've had a
couple great dates again you're playing
the field you have to play your odds but
let's get into those mistakes that I've
mentioned because there are a handful of
massive mistakes that are really gonna
hurt your chance of getting responses
okay number one is that you don't
customize your messages I'm not saying
that you need to sit there and write a
long and lengthy and specific message
about this woman that specifically
references three things from her profile
no but you do need to say something more
creative or imaginative then how's your
week going it's such a throwaway
question how is your week or how is your
week on what answer could you possibly
give you to that that led to a really
interesting conversation it's like how's
your week going that's pretty good how's
yours
oh it's also good you're right back
where you started
only now you've tired her you've
exchanged one message and so you've sort
of burnt through your first impression
you can make a great first impression by
noticing something about one of her
pictures commenting on something that
she wrote in her profile asking for more
clarification on something that like was
interesting to you so she's got a
picture in her profile of her on
vacation you can ask about that she said
something in her profile about her love
of Harry Potter you can mention
something abut that you can even open
with saying something about yourself you
don't have to necessarily ask her a
question you can just throw something
out there that is a comment or a thought
or an interesting fact about you that
relates to something from her profile
and this gets me to critical mistake
number two which is that you're either
asking too many questions or just giving
too many answers all conversations
whether they're taking place in a dating
app or at a bar or at the Thanksgiving
dinner with your family are a balance of
questions and answers questions and
answers and both people are responsible
for both sides so I ask you question you
give me an answer and then ask me a
question in return which I then answer
and then throw a question back at you
it's not rocket science but when we're
so distracted thinking about how to
respond to this person based on what it
says in her profile
and what's gonna be the perfect thing
who's gonna get the date that I'm gonna
get later did that you almost lose track
of how to have a play normal
conversation so balance the questions
and the answers and balance the amount
of text that you're exchanging if she
sends you a thick paragraph of text and
you sent her a two-word answer it's not
going to lead the conversation equally
between two people and the same is true
in Reverse if you're sending her three
paragraphs and she's sending you just a
couple sentences things are out of
balance they're out of whack and you can
get more responses and get a
conversation going if you are cognizant
of the balance of messages between you
you don't want her to be messaging you
more often or more text you don't want
you to be messaging too much more often
or sending her more text create some
sort of rhythm create some sort of
balance you're gonna be more likely to
get results
number three mistake that you might be
making is that you're not being yourself
you're being too generic too vanilla too
boring you're giving her what you think
that she wants instead of what's
authentic for you listen she's thinking
about dating you she needs to get to
know who you are pretty quickly in order
to make the decision whether or not she
wants to meet up with you and the same
is true for you you want to be able to
decide really quick if she is the type
of person who you're interested in
getting to know interested in taking out
for a drink spending the night getting
dressed up and think about how much you
have to go through to even go on a first
date men not so much for women we have
to put on makeup we might have to go
home and change out of our work clothes
we might have to give up a night of
watching our favorite television show
I'm just saying there's some sacrifices
that need to be made in order for her to
go on a date with you and so you want to
be sure that you're giving her your best
foot forward but making sure that it's
your foot not the foot of some other
generic guy who you think she's gonna
like she's there they're gonna like you
or she's not so be sure to balance the
right amount of personality and flavor
of you that you're sharing with the
right amount of holding back mystery and
not being too strong in any one
direction so that she has an opportunity
to get to know all of you and not just
any one particular part and let's talk
for a minute about how you cannot go on
dates
are not fun and wasteful and there's no
connection because too often you go out
on a date with somebody who you met
online and there's nothing there there's
no chemistry there's no spark I hear
about this all the time from my clients
they're just like well we had a drink
and that was it we sat across from each
other at a nice restaurant it cost me 30
bucks and then we went our separate ways
never to speak again let's stop wasting
our time people don't go out with people
who you don't have chemistry with and
how do you determine if you have
chemistry with well I'll tell you it's
not by exchanging a hundred messages
back and forth that is not how you
decide if you have chemistry if you've
ever had an internet pen pal or a friend
and then met them in person and they
were like a totally different person
than you were imagining they were it's
because we are just exchanging messages
with someone you don't actually get a
sense of who they are like when I was in
seventh grade this is how old I am
AOL Instant Messenger aim was the thing
and I completely fell in love with a
friend of a friend I'm not gonna say his
name he and I exchanged messages on AOL
late at night for hours and hours and
hours I was I just developed this crush
on this person I'd seen maybe like one
picture of him this was prior to even
myspace so there wasn't a whole lot of
social media that you could just dig
through and see and learn about a person
that way but it doesn't really matter
because you're not really learning about
them anyway anyways take it back to me
in this crush let's call him Jake
because his name was Jake
I had massive feelings for Jake I had
built Jake up in my mind as my first
boyfriend and I was so excited I was so
ready because we were like obviously a
match made in heaven because why would
we stay up until 1:00 a.m.
even though I could have gotten in
trouble for using the computer of that
late if we weren't meant to be and then
I met Jake in person and let me just say
he did not live up to my seventh-grader
expectations he was really shy and
actually a little bit rude when I look
back on it which i think is just how 14
and 15 year old boys treat girls when
they kind of maybe have crushes on them
too or maybe I'm just saying that now to
make myself feel better because maybe he
didn't have a crush back on me at all
either way I invested so much time so
much energy and I ended up getting my
little heart broken because I had
unrealistic expectations about this
person so how could that all have been
avoided well my favorite way to avoid
that is by getting on the phone I know
especially you Millennials listening to
this are going to be very turned off by
the idea of talking to someone on the
phone and I totally get it while I don't
get it I talk on the phone to people for
a living because I'm a coach but it
doesn't matter I love talking on the
phone you might hate it but talking on
the phone is the best way to get a
flavor of another person to see if you
have chemistry because guess what if
they're shy on the phone and you hate
their voice they're gonna be shy in
person and your voice is only gonna be
worse when you can't escape it because
you're sitting across from them at a bar
okay if you don't have any chemistry
there you're not gonna have any
chemistry in person you can save
yourself the trouble of getting all
dressed up or having to spend money on
drinks with someone who you don't even
want to hang out with so moving from
messaging on the apps to texting to
phone call to getting together really
quickly is actually one of the best ways
that you can guarantee actually getting
a date and seeing if there's chemistry I
have a rule of thumb which is after
you've had three exchanges that means
that you've had sort of an introductory
banter you've had a different
conversation about another topic and
then a third and they could happen over
any amount of time it could be in 24
hour period it could be in 36 day period
it doesn't matter after you've had a
little bit of exchange between the two
of you you offer to text say hey I don't
really love chatting in this app please
send me a text at and then give them
your phone number this is especially
crucial for men because you're putting
the ball in her court
you're saying to her here here's my
phone number you can follow up with me
if you're interested in taking this
further it gives her the opportunity to
decide if she wants to pursue you and
it's a really early way of moving from
the app where you're talking to
strangers to texting someone and texting
is usually reserved for people who you
at least know decently well well enough
to have their phone number after you've
moved to texting you offer to do a phone
call you just say something on the lines
of hey I've got to go walk my dog
do you mind switching to a call it makes
the most sense if you do this when
you're already
exchanging and messages back and forth
so that you know she's with her phone
she's on the apps you already have her
attention you say hey I've got to walk
around and clean my house but would you
mind switching to a phone call you have
a quick even a 15 or 20 minute phone
call if there's chemistry ask her out on
a date I don't care if you've only been
messaging for 24 hours the point of
dating apps is dating not writing
endless messages back and forth
daydreaming about how amazing that
person is going to be so you move to a
15 20 minute call and at the end of the
call if you decide that there's
chemistry there you ask her out and you
ask her out really specifically you
don't ask a yes/no question such as hey
would you like to go out sometime
because everyone's gonna say yes to that
because people don't like to feel
rejected they don't like to let other
people down so if you say hey want to
get together this Saturday for dinner
there's a cute bar around the corner
from my house I'd love to take you out
for a drink house Thursday
hey you loved the Art Museum what do you
think about checking it out together
this Saturday around 2 p.m. in the
afternoon
hey what neighborhood do you live in
what's your favorite bar I'd love to
take you there so you can get your
favorite cocktail hey I'm really loving
this conversation let's move it to
in-person there's a cute bar down the
street from my house although that might
suggest that you're looking for a
hook-up who cares say there's a cute bar
from the street down the street from my
house I looked I think you would love
the selection of whiskey cocktails again
make a really specific suggestion make
it specific to her if possible like it
sounds like something you would love
let's check this thing out I chose it
because I think you'll like it that's a
really powerful message that you are
someone who's worth pursuing someone who
cares a little bit again not someone
who's generic but someone who's making
the decisions and sending messages
specifically to this woman in this
moment you asked her out on a very
specific date and then you give her the
opportunity to give you feedback she
might say actually it's a little bit
early or a little soon for us to go on a
date let's keep chatting on the apps or
on texts that's fine she might say
actually weeknights don't work for me
but I can do a weekend that's great too
but you're giving her something to work
with because hey did you want to go out
sometime and then you put it on her put
give her the responsibility to plan a
date that's not cool unfortunately we
still live in a world where we expect
men to take initiative and that is your
responsibility so if you want to end up
on a date if you want to end up in a
relationship if you just want to end up
getting laid you have to take initiative
you decisive make decisions make plans
that are specific to her into the
context under which you are having this
conversation
so to recap online dating is a numbers
game if you take every piece of advice
that I just gave you and apply it to
what you are doing right now you are
going to increase the number of messages
that you get and hopefully increase the
number of dates that you successfully go
on and even so consider this you're
playing the field you have to play play
it like a game don't take everything so
seriously when women don't message you
back it very often has nothing to do
with you and everything to do with them
their busy life their life circumstances
are the reason that they're on the apps
to begin with
finally you can increase the number of
dates you end up going on by sending
specific messages giving her a taste of
your personality balancing the questions
and the answers and the answers and the
questions and moving to text message
phone call and then in person date
relatively quickly all right
all my dating is a huge subject I'm sure
there are other things that you'd like
for me to talk about so leave a comment
below and let me know what do you want
me to discuss whether it's online dating
related or otherwise and while you're
down there go ahead and subscribe to my
channel so that you never miss more of
my advice to have an amazing sex life
Related queries:
how to compliment a girl on tinder
should you compliment a girl on tinder
what to say to a girl on tinder reddit
