[Music]
howdy
you guys don't know me but my name is
chester quincy heater
i'm see heater on the old zwift and
trust me when i say
i bring the heat okay now many of you
guys
subscribe to this channel to see yo matt
legrand's thoughts on this stuff
but he has been so gracious has to give
me some
short-term access to this channel so
that i can talk to you guys
about something important and that is
cheating on zwift
now frankly you know to be honest with
you i don't really know why you guys
subscribed to this guy's channel in the
first place the guys
i mean he's a bit of a pansy if you ask
me yo
yeah peter what's up man i'm right here
you do realize i'm right yes
i know you can hear me i said it real
loud like
right towards your direction
don't come over here you don't come on
over here you're gonna be in trouble if
you do that
you you're like a delicate flower and if
you come over here i'm gonna stomp on
you i promise you that okay
okay i promise that was not roid rage
okay
but one thing that does get me all hot
and bothered
is weak pansy ass zwifters that lie
about their weight to cheat on zwift now
i know some of you i know some of you
watching this have done it
in your week you're weak you're worse
than matt over here okay
it's embarrassing i you should be
embarrassed that all you can come up
with
is cheating on zwift like this this is
this is sad state of affairs really
i'm embarrassed for y'all okay now
there's another subset of you older guys
out there
you're whining about your low
testosterone levels
and some of you guys gone outs there and
you're going to talk to them
know it all doctors certain doctors are
going to give you some sort of
performance enhancing drugs like them
testosterones now
that's embarrassing also you are also
weak you're just as weak as the little
people lying about their age oh i weigh
125 pounds
listen i'm gonna break it down for y'all
i ain't gonna hold
anything back here on this particular
video ask me again i might tell you a
different story but
just like me you can man up and start
taking your zwift
cheating to the next level now
i'm gonna show you something here see
what i got here this
is a three milliliter syringe
full of old uncle heater secret formula
now one shot of this right here is
going to take you from
wherever you are right now you know
maybe middle of the packers zwift type
racer
is going to take you from wherever
you're at currently
pansy level okay and it's going to
skyrocket you
all the way to at least the top five
type of a performance okay now
that ain't nothing for the heater okay
that ain't nothing
but i i'd call that delicate flower
territory yeah matt
talking about you now all right look at
this
this here is what i take okay
what we're looking at is about 60
milliliters
of the same formula okay now
i take a full dose of this every hour
on the hour which does require me to
wake up in the middle of the night to
get my dosing just right okay
some of the times my wife will just give
me a little poke to do
okay crazy she crazy man watch out for
her
and then i also take an extra dose of
the old
stuff this old formula here before the
zwift race
and one dose before any sort of big
sprint finish during the zwift race
[Music]
all right now i told you guys
that i was gonna be honest with you so
i'm gonna give you the details
of the formula now obviously you got the
basics okay
and that's just your run-of-the-mill the
epos
the ethereum protein whatever it stands
for we don't know no one knows
nobody knows it also got them hghs knows
them hormones
that gets you going helps you out quite
a bit and like you guys are already on
it's got them testosterone
got them all in here somewhere obviously
you got loads of caffeine in here so it
is gonna give you the jitters
give me the jitters tell you what i'm
all jittered up right now
but it's got a lot more than that okay
we got a little something called tiger
scrotum extract
now you got to be careful with that
stuff trust me
and we put what we call virgin
walrus blubber in here and that gives it
a nice solid
texture to it okay has to be virgin
don't go messing around with the details
of the formula okay
lastly baby unicorn blood now that stuff
is hard to find but it will help you get
the job done trust me on that okay don't
go
too weak on the old unicorn blood okay
now the way to put this together you put
it in a big vat
and you put it with a base your base is
hot dog water okay
and that does give it a certain stink to
it the whole thing in general does have
a certain
odor but the hot dog water is your base
now you mix all that together and you
got yourself what we call a performance
enhancing
soup okay that's what we'll call it well
you can call it heater's special formula
okay now i think that i have to provide
you guys with some sort of warning of
side effects because i saw it one time
on the tail of vision
okay so you got your basics you got your
hair loss okay that's
what's gonna happen but more importantly
you're gonna have both an increased and
a decreased
sexual appetite that's weird okay you're
going to be on some sort of kind of
sexual roller coaster
all over the place it's going to drive
you a little crazy definitely going to
drive your wife
crazy okay that's normal just roll with
the punches here
there's also going to be a lot of
changes to your private parts down there
okay and i find it best just to
don't even look down there at all that's
what i do and it works for me
okay now this is the point in the video
where some smart alec
hollywood character would say something
like if you buy
this product you can get it for two
simple installments of 19.99 or some
crap like that but
i gave you the ingredients list this is
exactly how you make it
and let's be honest this is uh it's not
exactly
legal beagle back where i'm from in the
uh
united states of texas mostly they let
you be but you know you can't just go
running this stuff around
so i'm gonna leave it to you guys to put
together
old heaters pd formula with this
ingredients list
i guess i could have old matt here you
know put the ingredients list in the
description of this video
you gonna make that happen matt yeah i
can do that just uh asking
subscribe and i'm not gonna tell them to
subscribe for you man
in fact you know people all these famous
youtubers say crap like that
like and subscribe they're pansies okay
they're pansies wimpy ass pansies
hey matt you know what i'm gonna do i'm
gonna tell people to unsubscribe how you
like that
i don't care it's hard on this channel i
don't care what kind of work you've done
on this channel no one cares
i'll tell them whatever i want to okay
how about this
if y'all like this video go check out
the video that matt
posted last april first when you
reviewed that casio watch
that was actually pretty good video
really i mean that casio watch is cool
okay
not gonna lie don't lie to these people
all right all right
this is chester q heater bringing the
heat okay
and we'll catch y'all later