Matthew Hussey here with love life we
have a question that has been sent in
today the question is when is it too
late to break off your relationship
before the holidays and how do you do it
this is an interesting question actually
because it we've all been in that
situation before where you're trying to
figure out when is the right time to say
something that is going to be a car
crash essentially could should you do it
before the holidays you then have the
guilt of wrecking the holidays for
somebody should you wait till afterwards
in which case you're going to feel like
a phony the whole way through the
holidays while you're thinking about it
but not telling them the honest truth I
think that we have to we're always
trying to think of well if we're that
this type of person was trying to think
of what's best for the other person in
the situation when is this going to do
the least damage well firstly we have to
understand that of course it will do
damage there's no getting around that
but we have to look practically at this
situation now interestingly about the
holidays the holidays is actually a time
when they're likely to be able to spend
time with people they love friends
family colleagues they're going to be
spending time with people that care
about them and in that sense we may
actually see this as a good time to
break up with someone that if we break
up with them before the holidays begin
and they go into all of that love and
distraction they may actually be
thankful for that though they won't show
it on a deeper level they might be
thankful for the fact that they're
walking straight into all of this love
and protection from the people that they
care about
now the people they care about might not
appreciate it because they're now going
to have some sullen mopey person around
for the holidays but that's not your
concern
you can't worry about everybody the fact
is when they have when she or he goes
back to their family they have time to
distract themselves if you did it after
the holidays when they're going back to
their normal routine that might be even
harder for them to suddenly go back into
their normal routine with the depression
that come
can come along after a breakup not only
that but do you really want to spend the
holidays getting closer to someone
buying them romantic gifts meeting and
getting closer to their family spending
time having all of this stuff that
actually encourages intimacy and
closeness only to then break up
afterwards is that something you want to
put you and the other person through is
creating a couple of weeks of brand-new
sentimental memories that are going to
be trashed immediately afterwards
because we might say that there's a
there's a legitimate argument for saying
that if someone has an exam coming up
for example or an important job
interview that breaking up with them
directly before that job interview or
exam is a mean thing to do because now
they might go into that thing that's
important to their life with a terrible
attitude and depression and not know how
to actually put their best foot forward
it might be the case that waiting until
after that big event in their life is
more is more fair to that person is the
the thing to do that would serve them
best but in the case of the holidays I'm
not so sure that's true if you're
breaking up with someone doing the hard
thing is always going to be something
that plagues you but don't use excuses
like the holidays to put it off because
I'm telling you now once the holidays
are over there will be some other excuse
why you can't do it and that that thing
those excuses can carry on and delay a
relationship and the break-up for months
or even years on end do not continue to
use excuses to get in the way of it
unless you truly think that it's best
for the other person that you don't do
it right now too often we confuse what's
good for the other person with what we
really think is selfishly good for us
don't be one of those people all right
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