if you've ever been in a relationship
where you're struggling and unsure if
you're gonna make it through or if it's
even a healthy relationship please watch
this video I'm really upset that I even
have to make this video because
typically the women who struggle most
with these questions are usually the
sweetest kindest most loving giving
women out there they're the ones who are
so good at appreciating and giving the
benefit of the doubt and just really
caring and loving for someone and time
and time again they're not receiving and
getting the same reciprocation of love
and giving back and so they're left
asking the question is the relationship
over how do I save it what do I do
if any of this resonates you're gonna
want to watch this video I'm gonna dive
deep on six signs that your relationship
is over and also what you need to do
about it
I'm Jason silver I'm dating coach for
ambitious women in this channel attract
great guys I go through these types of
principles about dating attraction the
science behind attraction and mating and
what you can do is an ambitious woman to
put yourself in the best situation to
attract a high quality commitment minded
man so please join me watch these videos
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out now let's jump right in
the first sign that your relationship
may be over is if in general in your
relationship each of you there's more
withdrawals than deposits into one
another's emotional bank account I'm
gonna say that again there's more
withdrawals than deposits into your
emotional bank accounts now it's kind of
self-explanatory but a deposit is when
we're adding some kind of value some
kind of feel-good emotion we're
complementing we're giving we're doing
things for the other person we're making
them feel good we're basically trying to
be helpful in kind and loving it's a
deposit right you give someone a flower
it's a deposit you
say a compliment it's a deposit you ask
for money literally it's a withdrawal
you ask for favors it's a withdrawal you
criticize someone it's a withdrawal it's
about adding value versus taking value
now sometimes withdrawals are good
things if you ask for a favor from
someone that you care about it's a
little bit of dependence a little bit of
connectedness you're you're asking for
something that's healthy that's normal
however you need to balance withdrawals
with deposits and typically I believe it
was dr. John Gottman did studies and he
said that five deposits for every one
withdrawal is the minimum for a healthy
loving relationship so if you're doing
way more withdrawals back and forth
instead of deposits it's good sign that
something is not working and it could be
the end of your relationship because
what is the point of being in a
relationship where you're both
withdrawing from each other
the entire time doesn't make any sense
now the second sign that your
relationship may be over is if he did
something that was very harmful or
hurtful and he shows no remorse maybe he
said something that wasn't nice maybe
there was infidelity and he doesn't show
any remorse for it in fact he may even
blame you and if this is the case if
your guy is harming you is doing things
that are not nice that are not
considered that are major withdrawals
and he doesn't have any bad feelings
about it doesn't even feel bad no
remorse that is not a good sign because
this is someone who should be in your
corner who should want to be your
partner and if he's hurting you
knowingly it doesn't feel bad about it
what does that say about your partner
what does that say about the guy that's
supposed to be there for you to support
you to take care of you just as you're
supposed to support and take care of him
if you're not on his side if you would
harm him without any feelings of remorse
then are you really the best partner for
him it's kind of self-explanatory but
sometimes it's hard to get that
perspective when we're in it and we need
some outside perspective and that's what
I'm here for the third sign it's kind of
an extension to the second is if things
aren't going well maybe there's more
withdrawals maybe there's been some harm
and you're doing everything you can to
try to
work on it you want to focus on bringing
the relationship back to a healthy
relationship that's your focus what can
we do how can we be proactive how can we
you know go to therapy get a coach try
something different if you're focused on
the solution and your partner has zero
desire to work things through to go to a
therapist to go you try something new
basically to try to make the
relationship better and if all he's
doing is blaming you or not putting in
the time or energy then that's a good
sign that nothing's gonna change okay if
a guy is telling you something believe
him and if he's telling you that he's
not interested in making the
relationship better believe him that's
really important the fourth sign the
relationship may be over maybe you're
not spending any quality time together
if you don't see him if he is living
somewhere out of your city or out of
your location for work or for some other
reason if you're not spending quality of
time with one another if you barely see
each other
that's a good sign that the relationship
is over now maybe it's a temporary thing
okay that's totally understandable
doesn't mean your relationship is over
but if this is a pattern where you're
not able to spend in person
heart-to-heart time with one another
then what are we doing like what is what
are we is this even a relationship how
is this helpful how is this healthy most
of the big challenges that I've seen in
terms of infidelity or living with
someone who's living a lie and you don't
even know the other person really stems
from not spending a lot of quality time
with one another so that is is a very
very important one that you are spending
not just time but quality time where
you're able to talk and and listen and
hear about the other person's life and
their dreams and their experiences and
all of those things very important and
number five if you find that by staying
in the relationship you're putting
yourself in a position to be harmed now
originally when I wrote this I I wrote
that he is putting you in harmful
situations however I really think that
this could be much more empowering for
you to realize that it's actually
yourself that is putting you in these
harmful situations by staying with him
in a harmful situation could mean that
maybe you don't know anything about the
finances maybe he is in complete control
over paying your mortgage or your rent
and you don't really know what's going
on with it
well if this is your home and you are
just expecting someone to take care of
something and you have no knowledge of
it no insight I can't tell you how many
times I've heard women telling me that
they were living with their boyfriend
they were in a marriage with kids and
their husband or partner didn't pay the
mortgage didn't pay rent didn't take
care of this left them with all of these
bills that's just one situation where
you're completely powerless you have no
idea what's going on with the finances
another is if he is doing something
harmful maybe he gets physically violent
or maybe even when you're driving in the
car with him he's road-raging and
putting you and maybe your child or
children in a situation that's really
dangerous or maybe he has very sketchy
people coming over to the house that you
know his friends and social circle you
don't really trust whatever it is maybe
he's involved in some illicit activities
whatever it is when you're connected
with him when you're with him if you
find that there's potential
ramifications negative ramifications
from you being in the relationship and
if you choose to stay in it then you are
putting yourself in a position to be
harmed and you have to ask yourself the
question like how much longer am I
willing to put myself in this situation
and the sixth sign that your
relationship might be over is if he's
keeping you away from the very people
that you love and who love you if maybe
he doesn't like your friends he doesn't
like your family whatever it is where he
is pushing you away from the people that
have been the healthiest for you the
ones that have given you the most that
have loved you the most that are the
most accepting of you and if he's trying
to distance you or pit you up against
them that is a red flag he should want
you to surround yourself with people
that you love and with people that love
you listen if your friends and family
are harming you and if you really
believe that he's trying to protect you
and he's trying to be helpful that's one
thing but if you don't really understand
his reasoning and if he's
trying to keep you separate or if he's
trying to be controlling that is
unhelpful and in fact that's a very
scary red flag that he is trying to
control you in a negative way and the
relationship should really end at that
point now this final part is so
important for you to understand this is
really really key and I also go very
deep into building a healthy happy
relationship and how to get to that
point even if you're not in it right now
in my four-part video training totally
free link is in the description click it
and get access you're gonna want to
watch that training but this is why it's
so important for you to actually end it
or draw a boundary and have a
high-standard
first of all if you are not holding
standards and boundaries in your
relationship then a guy is not going to
value you he's going to treat you like
some possession that will always be
there for him regardless of how he
treats you
he's not looking at you like a partner
he doesn't truly care deeply about you
and what happens to you
he is completely going to stay
self-centered unless you hold the
standards and boundaries say that this
is completely unacceptable and he has
two choices either he changes how he
treats you or you're gone and that is it
that's the end of the game okay there's
no there's no in-between there's no you
lowering your standards and him treating
you less than you deserve to be treated
that is not a good solution that does
not result in a healthy relationship he
can't respect you a little bit okay you
can't you can't say well I really wanted
a guy to treat me with love and respect
this much but I'm just gonna accept this
much all that's going to do is tell him
that that's how much you value yourself
and what are you in terms of an example
for maybe your children for your friends
for your community for womanhood okay if
you are not really raising the standards
of how you deserve to be treated what
kind of an example are you setting for
the people around you don't you want to
be an example of someone who truly loves
and values herself an example of what a
healthy relationship should
like and if you're so afraid of leaving
this person because you're afraid of
being alone if that's the core that's
the bottom line then you're just setting
yourself up to be heard because if
you're unable to find fulfilment and
happiness and connection even if you're
not in a loving committed romantic
relationship if there's so much
emptiness there that you're unable to
find any level of fulfillment unless you
have that all you're doing is setting
yourself up for a negative unhealthy
relationship because those types of
relationships that you're forming or
staying in that are based in you being
fearful those relationships are already
set up to put you in the powerless
position because your partner knows that
you're so afraid they know they could
tell that you're so afraid to be alone
that you'll accept anything you'll
accept any form of behavior you'll
accept being treated anyway and so
what's the solution if you have all of
this fear the key within all of this is
to find a loving supportive group of
people around you that are willing to
support you and to connect with you to
find organizations there's lots of
organizations out there for women who
are victims of violence or controlling
men in fact I am going to put a link in
the description of this video to one of
the top organizations that can support
you if you're finding yourself in this
position and ultimately ask yourself
this woman that you respect the most or
a woman that you love the most what
would you want her to do someone that
you have so much compassion and love for
what what does she deserve because you
deserve the same exact thing and I
encourage you to take the action to hold
your standards high to get out of on any
unhealthy relationships and to move
forward to treating yourself with the
love the value the consideration that
you deserve if you found this video
helpful and even a little way hit the
like button so it can be seen by more
people if you're not a subscriber
already as I said please subscribe and
I'm gonna extend on this a little bit in
my future videos I'm gonna go a little
bit deeper on boundaries a little bit
deeper on how you can hold these
standards high and also how you can deal
with that fear
because that fear it's an attraction
killer let me tell you and it places you
in a position to be hurt so thank you
again for watching and I look forward to
seeing you next week all right be well