hello and welcome my wonderful friends
at the Goodman project
Elana Pratt here your intimacy expert
such a deep question that I could really
do like three hours worth of videos to
like answer but let's do our best here
Ilana I just put out my boyfriend of
three years I just put out my boyfriend
of three years so I'm thinking you broke
up with him yeah did I make the right
decision at what point is it safe to
assume that a relationship isn't going
anywhere okay like I have like 25
million questions to ask you in response
to your question so first I just put out
I think maybe you're British and that's
how you say it there or something or
maybe Australian you just broke up did I
make the right decision I have no
[ __ ] clue but how do we make a
decision like this never lately people
are not things commodities their souls
and hearts right when we are deeply
wounded and triggered and we can't feel
our own sadness underneath we operate
quite often on the anger above it and
judge and blame and justify and
Stonewall and cheatin blah all these
other behaviors
and if we are willing to do the work we
realize that the other person is just a
trigger a gift in a uncomfortable
package to bring us back inside to do
our inner work where our heart is
wounded where our little me has been
shoved away in some back corner of your
heart and you need to develop self
forgiveness self-worth communion with
yourself and with source so from a place
of discernment emotional triggers healed
you can stand heart open grounded and
communicate your your feelings and your
needs in a way that is not making the
other defensive so did you do the right
thing I don't know my love did you do
your work
are you both engaged in work did you go
to counseling did you take programs like
mine have you done anything about it or
is it just tornadoes that finally blew
I'm not sure so that'll be a question
for you to ask your
and moving forward how do you know when
it is time to complete a relationship it
really requires both people being
willing to take full responsibility for
their own lives full responsibility for
their own growth and full responsibility
when they forget that and they blame the
other to go oops and clean it up because
we're not looking for perfection here
we're just looking for commitment to
growth and if you've got two people like
that you can generally work through
everything and you can come to a place
where you're like the way my values are
the way your values are we're we're
moving apart thank you for all that I've
learned I bless you and I release you
right but it won't be because they're an
[ __ ] and blue you know none of that
drama it'll be a it'll be a raw
vulnerable place of kindness and you'll
know it's time to move on because you'll
be able to have those deep honest
authentic intimate conversations another
way you know it's time to move on is if
they aren't willing to do the work they
do blame and justify all the time they
won't go to counseling and you're blamed
as the problem all the time and you've
tried everything and you've done it from
a place of non judgment non blame having
done your own work so there's no regrets
then it would be time to move on but
again I have a lot more questions I'd
like to ask you before that kind of
larger decision happens yeah and that's
what I'm here for and that's what my
products and services are here for to
help you get into that place of aha in
your healed open heart that is a
discernment and an awareness and a
capacity to be bold and courageous and
also humble and gracious as you live
your life in all of your relationships
especially the relationship with
yourself so I'm sure you have at least I
hope you have gone to Alana Pratt calm
and downloaded my vulnerability is the
new sexy training because maybe the
vulnerability piece rather than the you
know justifiably scared close your heart
place but maybe a little more
vulnerability you could speak your true
ache yours your true yearning
in a way that would awaken his nobility
right so I hope that that's a
contribution to you there all right all
my love to thank you for your question